i'm doing something silly right now, please don't mind me

sunday nothings.

my brain hurts.

I just finished writing the first draft of a CA$H grant - the Bayareatheaterfancyshmance thing that all of the artists and so-called artists in the greater Bay Area will spend days and weeks putting together so that they can be awarded a small yet significant amount of money. Sad but true. This is where, I suppose, I go into a rant about how little funding there is for the arts in what is supposed to be the heart of the artistic community.

but I'm really drained.

had a birthday party for the roomie last night. it was actually quite nice - the whole, wine, cheese bit. i have to admit, i prefer my parties less fancy. roomie works for a hotel and so all of his peeps showed up in the latest anorexic wear and then left to go to a bar. i still don't get the appeal of a bar. there's nowhere to sit, drunk people everywhere, the music is too loud and you have to pay to drink. it's like the greatest joke played on mankind ever. now i get the idea of a pub. in a pub, there are places to sit, good lighting and generally good food. you can just hang. a bar is like a feeding frenzy for horny people. so i always pass on that shit.

i went to wondercon yesterday - geeked out. saw zoesaldana, chrisnolan, millajovovich, alilarter, jerrybruckheimer(mofo), jakegyllenhaal, chrisevans, amyacker etc. etc. etc. all and all i was glad i went, esp. since i ended up sitting in the ballroom for like 4+ hours.

the stache has yet to call me today. i took a picture with a dude pretending to be the dude from mystery science theater 3000 yesterday for him. shows you who really has the upper hand doesn't it?

i could go into explanations on all of the above stuff, but i'm really burnt out and my other roomie has people here tonight doing a reading for his new show. and I just finished reading the blog of some straight dude who's an actor here in the city and i was inspired and incredibly disgusted and turned off by his writing "style" if you could call it that. i really want some pot roast and some soup right now (update-just grabbed some roomie's leftovers and they're delicious). and to just be left alone. i'm so tired of dealing with other people right now.

i'm the most outgoing introvert you will ever meet. seriously.

awareness

forcing myself to write - because it matters. not to anyone else but me, but because it needs to happen.

it's nothing really.
just strawberries, plain cream top yogurt
honey
puffins
yep, the cereal of trader joes
named after a flightless bird
the one that isn't a penguin
the berries are slightly underripe
but they give me the idea that i'm eating something healthy for dessert
crunchy, creamy
sweet, slightly sour
eaten in front of the tv
or webcast
or book
five nights in a row
still not sick of it
but tonight is the last night, i'm out of strawberries
so i turn off the tv
and try to make this one last
take smaller bites
scrape the sides of the bowl
so the last spoonful has equal parts of everything
creamycrunchsweetsour
rinse the bowl
and spoon
and remember this is what it's like to need to be creative
this is where it all begins and germinates
in the quiet space
of appreciation
me and some yogurt