Hey y'all!

So I know I haven't written in a while, but for the three people that still read my blog, please go check out Richie's link and donate to Hapa Kitchen's Kickstarter!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/haparamen/building-our-dream-kitchen-together-at-hapa-on-fil

Just Fine.

I forget sometimes that there are some of you out there still listening.

Still loving.

Thanks, you rock.
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I'm not the most perfect person. I make mistakes and often times they're not pretty. I place a pretty high standard on myself for deadlines and projects and updates and schedules. I try not to have those for other people, but can get irritated when people slow my roll.

Sometimes so much that I forget that they're people.

I messed up the other day pretty badly. And apologized profusely. But the person decided that they'd had enough and ended up leaving the show. I'm not proud of this, in the slightest. I hurt them, not intentionally, but with the wrong comment at the wrong moment.

My friends and associates are telling me it's not my fault. That she left because she'd been looking to leave for a while. That she was unreliable, flaky and she should have just gotten over it and accepted my apology. And on some level, I know they're wrong. But here's what I want to know...

Why is it so easy for people to forgive others and not forgive me?

How do I not get crucified every time all I do is just SAY THE WRONG THING? For god's sake, I'm only human. Or are you just upset that I finally spoke up for myself?
I just feel like people refuse, REFUSE to apologize or forgive me. Like, if I'm not perfect, that for some reason I'm not worth being their friend. For crying out loud, I'm only human. If I touched a nerve, and then I apologize, doesn't it mean that you have to get over it.

Well you know what? Doesn't matter to me anymore. See Mary above (hey, it's the 15 year old Penny doing a song lyrics post!):
Let it go……
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I’m not complaining
And I’m a still wear a smile if it raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mine
So I like what I see when I’m looking at me

I aint gon’ let nothing get in my way
(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)
No matter what nobody has to say
(No way, no way, no way)
I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my way
No matter what nobody has to say

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
It’s a really good thing to say
That I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

With or Without You

So a lot of you know that I've spent the last 6-8 years doing theater, a BUNCH of theater. And I've had a good time, but the winds have changed lately. The things I used to think were fun are now starting to get tedious. It's weird to look around at a group of people, laughing, making jokes and having a good time and think to yourself.
"These people are not my friends."
It's equally weird to live with someone for over a year and realize that this person is absolutely self-centered and think:
"This person is not my friend."

And it's weird to spend time with and associate with and care for people that are not my friends. These are not people who are going to visit me in the hospital, bring me chicken soup when I'm sick or help me pick up my car should it get towed. These are not people I trust, nor are they people who I think I have the same values as.
I'm hanging out with them, because I feel like I'm personally building something better. Because the people that ARE my friends weren't there today. And because people often present themselves as something they're not.

Let's be sure of something, these are people I WANTED to be friends with. But at the end of the day,  I still don't get that snarky, middle school, cooler than thou attitude. I'm such that person who takes things at face value; it's pretty naive, but I just don't get that making fun of others is that cool. I don't get that being fake to people that are trying or being two-faced to others is all that great. But it's what I'm dealing with. So I end up spending a lot of time alone. Alone because to have to deal with that fakeness is so ultimately unappealing.

Here are generally the reasons people contact me:
-They have a problem and they want someone to listen to them
-They have a problem and want me to solve it. Apparently I am now the holder of: phone numbers, bank accounts, directions and recipes
-They want to know if I can help them get something
-They want to know if I'll help them clean something, move something, organize something or produce something

They generally do NOT call me if:
-They want to hang out
-They want to go/do something cool
-They're having a party and they want me to attend

People generally treat me:
-Like I'm their servant
-Like I'm their secretary
-Like I'm dispensable
-Like I am their therapist

People do not generally treat me:
-Like I am good at what I do
-With respect
-Like I am likeable or good (unless they want something) 

It's late, I'm rambling, I just wanted someone to listen. But turns out, people are too busy talking to listen. Too busy thinking about themselves to think about others. Thanks to DC and ML who listened to me today. I wish they were still awake to talk to. I always get stuck in deep thoughts way too late at night for anyone to be out there for me to chat to. Maybe I should become friends with a insomniac...

I'll take Potpourri for $500 Alex...

The coolest Upcycle I've seen in a while! Tie Statement Necklace!

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Via Cassidy Brown - Bay Area Actor/Artist

Why is theatre important? What do you think your role is keeping it a vital part of civilization? How does Theatre Bay Area help?

I heard a phrase last night, which I think can be attributed to Bill English, the artistic director at SF Playhouse: theatre is like an "empathy gym." If we were all Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Jr., we might not need the help in exercising our empathy muscles. But we aren't, and we do. Theatre serves to bring people together to share an experience that is living and breathing, in such a way that we cannot help but feel some connection to those around us, and by proxy, to the world at large. Regardless of the content, the simple act of sitting near fellow humans while other humans enact the human experience deepens our ability to empathize, which hopefully leads to greater understanding of our fellow humans' struggles. As an actor, I hope to provide a channel towards that goal. Theatre Bay Area, quite simply, helps theatre in general to thrive. We need that help. We really need that help

WORD: The 10 Traits of Outstanding Leadership

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What are some of the benefits that a person can get from journaling?

Journaling helps you slow down and become more grounded. Journaling allows you the space to slow down and get in touch with your inner voice. We always have the answers – it’s just that we get so busy that the answers get buried underneath all of our multi-tasking.

It’s a form of meditation. You have to be present when you are journaling. You can’t be doing anything else – in that exact moment, you are writing. You are going within – you are getting in touch with that part of you who is so wise. You are allowing yourself to let go of everything else and just be right here. Your breathing slows down. Your shoulders loosen. Your head begins to clear. And you remember how wonderful a feeling this is – you remember how much you love being with yourself.

Writing prompt journals help guide you gently in a positive direction. For instance, they can help you remember what you’re grateful for; get clear about what you want, or set and keep your goals. They are also great tools when you’re going through a major life transition and need some guidance

Veggietales

Great article by Kenji of Serious Eats on Vegetarianism/Veganism

Lately, I've been trying to be my own sneaky mom. I've been throwing handfuls of broccoli slaw into pasta dishes, making sure that beans and rice make a feature, freezing grapes and opting for fruit over candy for snacks. Basically upping my fiber and veggie content whenever possible. And buying fresh veggies to fill up my crisper and fruit bowls - leaving things in plain sight. So that the first thing I see when I open my fridge is salsa and carrot sticks. Not salami. But that leaves a small issue.

Snacks.

Veggies are great snacks but require some work. First of all, you have to either purchase them precut or spend a lot of time cutting them yourself. Then then is the slightly flavorless aspect - unless said veggie contains sugar (carrots, red peppers, sugar snap peas) - so then there comes the dilemma of dip. Lastly, I'm a nightime snacker. 3-5 hrs. after dinner (and yes, if dinner is at 6, then at 11 I will be hungry) I start to get tummy grumblies.

Another issue with eating that late at night? Acid Reflux my friend. Which I guess you can argue would originate with any foods. Acid Reflux is esp. bad with fruits and other items with excessive sugar which can start the fermentation process leading to reflux. And then there is THIS video from NYC food critic Jeffrey Steingarten.

Other than that - vegetarianism and veganism have been shown to increase metabolism, resolve health issues and natch reduce body weight. There are no longer term physical effects as long as you supplement enough. I've been thinking about doing a 40-60 split - with 60% of my intake being mostly vegan/vegetarian and the other 40% including meat/dairy products. This means (with an average of 21 meals a week) that about 8 of them include meat, and that 13 of them don't. Vegetarian breakfasts are the easiest. Friday and Saturday night dinners and brunch the hardest. This also means that I can eat at least one meal a day that has meat so I don't feel deprived.

I've been using lePinterest to pin vegetarian meals - so here's to hoping!

Tip the scales.

So I went to Thailand...and gave up blogging for 10 Days. More updates soon. Until then:

Stop Engaging and Start Getting More Emotional: Generation more conversations, clicks and conversions

You can't have one without the other.

Engagement gives you the widest range of possibilities

Emotion gives you the deepest range of possibility

Time gives you the longest range of possibility

Strive to be the best in all three. This is where marketing has to work with engineering who has to work with operations. You need a good "script", but you also need to understand the needs of your client. Any marketing program that doesn't include a requisite psychology class is pure bunk in my book. You are selling to people. People, in their infinite multitudes can't be understood in simple terms and it takes a complex reader of people to understand that.

On the other hand, emotional focus can often lead to oversentimentality. The emotional quality of your marketing needs to be tempered and balanced with reach. This means selecting several different ways to reach customers. Whether it be by viral blogging, traditional advertising, social media and/or fantastic events that hone in on your key clients - you have to be absolutely ruthless and brutal when determining your strategic placement of advertising.

Empathic yet ruthless. Sounds like a weird concept right?

Well, not in the theater world. As actors and artists, we're often asked to pour our passion into the works we create and then expected to be completely objective with the resulting criticism. Um, duality much here people? But it's an important aspect to be able to detach from ones work in order to see the outstanding issues and or qualities about that work in a realistic light. In other words; we cannot fall in love with the resulting work we create, only with the work that we do. We can be in love with the process, and throw ourselves, whole-heartedly into the making of something, but once it has been created, we have to let it go.

Sounds mindless doesn't it?

Missing you.

Ever since visiting the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago - I became appalled at how much I had allowed my weight to slip over the winter. We often forget that the cupcake leads to the chocolate leads to the pot roast leads to the stuffing...and it all adds up. But we're still the same person inside. Which is why, I love this. So much...

What I miss from 35 Lbs Ago - Pt. 3

Maybe because I was painfully aware of my size, I cultivated an awareness of all of my life. A deep knowing. A way of sensing and trusting and believing that others won’t, or can’t, know as well. Maybe I feel deeper. More purely and intensely.

Maybe when I learned to, finally, love just being alone with myself, I fell harder in love than others ever will.

Maybe my present is more precious.

Maybe because my heart has ripped, and lost pieces, and still has visible stretch marks and sewn seams, my character will be ultimately more resilient.

The thing is, it’s easy to find the bad. I’m cynical. Pessimistic and realistic, too weathered to seem breezy. I can, and do, look at situations in pros and cons. But what I’ve come to know as true, in the last twenty-six years is that I am everything I’ve ever been.