Guidelines...

Oh third graders...has it really come to this? I guess it helps, when you're 8 - to start to parcel out your world. To try to put things and people into categories that help you make sense of them. I mean, a lot of growing is up is about analysis right? Trying to make heads or tails of the crazy world around you.

Or you know...just judging them mercilessly. (points for completely being able to articulate the difference between a slimy b*&%h and a fishy b*%&h)

I'm totally #20.

And I'm Not Lying presents...The 90 Types of Bitches

Forgotten post.

Change is all around us; we have to embrace it constantly. Often times we are trying to make what isn't good or working or nice - better. And it's really good to get perspective on who we are trying to become. But what happens when the person we already are prevents us from who we are striving to become?

My supervisor and I were having a chat about our company's internal audit (yes, really, I'm that fascinating people) and the subject of "the A-Student inside" came up. This is that little voice inside us that pushes us to push for excellence. The voice that says, "Just a little bit longer" or "only three more" or "you can do this." But it's also the perfectionist voice that reminds you how much work will be involved in each of your choices. That you can ask for help, but never expect anything to be easy. And this can sometimes also be detrimental to us following our dreams. This is our testing ground, only when a dream becomes greater than the tasks and duties involved, can we be moved to go after them.

I'm finding, in my half-assed quest for finding my life's path, I am often thwarted by my own ego. Of the part of me that is so knowing. It's been noted by several people before how much my voice sounds logical...sensible...thoughtful. But sometimes, it's also better for all of us to acknowledge that we don't know what we don't know. Last year, I was about 75% sure that I was going to go for my MBA. Then a producer friend of mine - who has his MBA - asked me if I knew what I was going to do with it. To be quite honest, I've always felt than an MBA is one of those all inclusive luxury resort type deals - you get one and there are so many doors open to you, you just have to pick one and go. But he went on to explain, that I wasn't sure what the end purpose would be, I would be better off rethinking it.

Now I find myself, in many ways, in a better place than I have been, ever. And yet, nowhere near where I want to go. And the trust to know that no matter what I do, I can always start over - well, I'm not quite believing that yet.

How many of us don't know how to follow our own path and are merely subject to traveling along the one that we felt was chosen for us, because it was easier than owning up to our own personal choices. It's easy to play the game because the rules are spelled out, the results are guaranteed (theoretically) and the purpose is absolute. Yet, when it all goes awry.

Well.

What then?