payables.

I am tempted to send in my recently acquired parking ticket with the following message:

"I would be more than happy to pay this if you jerks would send me my tax return that I filed more than a month and a half ago."

think they'd buy it?

fucktards

Ok…the most annoying thing happened to me today.

I sang at church in the morning, which is something that I absolutely love. First of all, I get to perform for people. Service is now later in the morning and there’s only one service, but I still get the same pay. And yes, I love LOVE the spirituality and message that I get at this particular church. I get back as much as I give; I have always had a good time singing there and the congregation is warm, welcoming and kind.

So I often go into church incredibly open and responsive. Some may call it being vulnerable, but in order to be a great artist – you have to be receptive to your environment and how it informs your performance. (I hesitate to use words like “craft” or “art” –but I’m close to using them) It’s wonderful to receive people’s praise and thanks and it’s great to give it back.

Imagine my surprise today, then, when this weird shit happened after service:

Approaching Random Dude: “Oh! (takes my hands) You’re a doll! You have a wonderful voice.”
Me: Thank you! Thanks for coming to service today!
RD: You’re beautiful, are you married?!? (looks at my hand)
Me: Uhm..haha (laughs nervously) no.
RD: Because, I mean, Asian women are so amazing. I have a friend, down in Santa Cruz – who is totally looking for an Asian wife. I mean, he would love to have an Asian wife. He’s always saying he wants an Asian girl to marry.
Me: Ummm…haha (looking for the closest exit) thank you?
RD: Cause Asian girls are so cute. He really wants to marry an Asian.
Me: I’m not sure whether to be flattered or offended.
RD: Oh, don’t be like that.
Me: Well – uh – heh heh.
RD: Cause you know, when I saw you there. I thought of my friend. There’s something about Asian girls that don’t have accents that’s just mmph! Like, you don’t have an accent. You were born here right? Yeah, so it’s just so attractive to see Asian women with no accents!
Me: Well, this is San Francisco – so there are a lot more of us. I mean at least in my generation.
RD: Yeah! But still, you don’t see a whole lot of that.
Me: Well, you’re probably going to see more cause you know…[then I saw my friend Zac and immediately FLED over to talk to him, essentially running my ass away from the Random Dude]

Ok. WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
I can't believe that fucktards like this EXIST! And seriously, if it hadn't really happened to me today, I wouldn't be as mad as I am. Dude, this is 2009! We are not back in the 40s and please, PLEASE do not make assumptions about people that you don’t know. I don’t walk around making assumptions about people that are Italian or Irish or Peruvian or transsexual– and yet, it’s 2009 and people are still making fucking presumptive assumptions based upon my outward appearance. I would never be as presumptive to think that his friend (based on Random Dude’s general age and appearance) is: white, fat, lazy, old and ugly and probably wants an Asian woman to fawn on his ass because he went to Thailand with a fistful of dollars and all of them scammed him for his money and he probably slept with a tranny hooker. I mean, I’m not going to assume that.

But also, what a HORRIBLE horrible place to have been assaulted like this. Within three feet of my pastor, who I KNOW heard the entire discourse. I don’t want to ever discourage people not to attend my service, because I love it, but I hope this man never shows his face again. I’m so SICK AND TIRED of people making up stuff about me because I just happen to have a certain genetic code that ties me to a particular ethnicity.

Second of all: DON'T BE LIKE THAT? Like what, prey tell?! Like I have an opinion? Like I deserve to be treated like a person and an individual and not like a grouped generality? Like I shouldn't protest when someone is being a DOUCHEBAG? It's like telling me I want to be raped or something. That it's a compliment that a white man came up to me to tell me that I'm attractive and they want to introduce me to their socially awkward, romantically insecure geekfest of a friend who desires an Asian woman...because she's exotic and totally sexually promiscuous. That I shouldn't ask or wonder if people's intentions are pure? Fuck you! Don't tell me how to think or what I should or shouldn't say!

I am proud to be Asian American – but you know what? I get to create, manifest and illuminate what that experience means to me. And until you ARE Asian American you will never know what it is like to be me. You can eat all the kim chee, watch all the Bruce Lee, practice all the martial arts/tai chi/yoga, get all the massages with the happy endings, speak all the Korean/Cantonese/Mandarin/Thai, read all the Tao Tse Ching and Confuscian thought, watch all the film festivals, learn all the tinikling and Chinese opera, write all the kanji, eat all the sushi and dim sum you want – but that will never mean that one gender or one ethnicity or ONE PERSON can be rolled up into a little ball that is completely understood by stereotypical aspects.

As an ambassador type figure for the Church, and an obvious figurehead for it’s message on this particular day, I found it hard to be rude to anyone. And yet, I wish I had. I wish I had told this man to go FUCK himself. How could anyone assume anything about anyone based on exterior appearances? He just kept emphasizing the “Asian” and “wife” as if that was the purpose of my entire existence. That I went to college, worked in a pretty fulfilling career for the last 6 years, and based my entire life around waiting for this jackass to walk into my CHURCH and tell me that a random stranger in Santa Cruz has been looking for an Asian woman to marry. I mean did he think that my reaction would be: Well, HEY! I’m Asian and that’s been the best offer I’ve had all year, so I should TOTALLY go for it, cause you know I’m not an American citizen so I need the green card.

as my friend Amosing said: Damn, girl. The crazy thing is that people don't even know that they are assholes.

Exactly: people are retarded. And they continue to pro-create. Help.

girlcrushes

as a card carrying member of the vagina squad, I am allowed to have crushes on other women sans scrutiny. even though, with the advent of the 'metro-man', men are more likely these days to admit their admiration and total awe of another member of their species, they're not as likely to do it as women are. women are totally allowed to be awe struck and inspired by other women as they are to be jealous of them. i think probably the main difference being that jealousy often stems from the other woman being fabulous...but a bitch. (although i'm sure the Speer would beg to differ) when i am in total awe of another member of the v-squad, it's because on top of being absolutely talented, spiritual, caring and beautiful - the woman is often times kind, humorous and compassionate.

enter girlcrush #1: Natalie Portman.

1) she's a member of my generation who was cast in all three new 'Star Wars' movies. now, granted, those movies sort of blew, but you have to admit, Portman looks stunning in all three and manages to carry off the grace of a queen and a diplomat in ungainly costumes. and she's a fucking part of geek history. go Natalie! evidence: she's geek-chic

2) she's a Harvard graduate and in her time there, bucked trends by writing a controversial article for the Crimson, as response to an anti-israeli letter. evidence: she's smart & ballsy.

3) a model darling for marc jacobs and other high fashion magazines like vogue - her bone structure is to die for and she looks good in pretty much anything. evidence: she's gorgeous

4) portman hasn't been afraid to shave her head for movies (V for Vendetta) or date one of the weirdest musicians ever alive (Devendra Barnhardt) and star in his video. she sticks to her choices and makes them work. evidence: she's original

5) she created her own vegan shoe line that's not only cute but completely animal and cruelty free. Portman was involved with the 2004 presidential campaign of Democratic candidate John Kerry and has supported antipoverty activities. In 2004 and 2005, she traveled to Uganda, Guatemala, and Ecuador as the Ambassador of Hope for FINCA International, an organization that promotes micro-lending to help finance women-owned businesses in poor countries. evidence: she's consciencious

6) portman is multi-talented, starring both on broadway as well as in major hollywood movies. but she's rarely shown dancing on tables or falling over drunk. her very first movie was the action classic, 'the Professional' where she was shown opposite Jean Reno and Gary Oldman at the ripe old age of 13 and she held her own. evidence: she's mature and multi-faceted.

7) she did a spoof on SNL of herself as a gangster rapper. she's also appeared in such indie cult flicks as 'Garden State' as the quirky posterchild for Manic Pixies and 'Mars Attacks'. evidence: she doesn't take herself that seriously.

So there you have it, Natalie Portman as my official nomination for girlcrush. what's yours?

Fading.

reblogged from the ch!cktionary:

To be honest, I hope I never feel compelled to write here again. It’s an artifact from a time when I was unsure about many things, most of all my worthiness of being loved. Years from now, whether we work out or not, I don’t want to read about Patrick. I’m certain of that much. If we’re still together, then this version of him will seem like such a distant representation of who he later becomes. And if we’re not, then I don’t want anyone — least of all myself — reminding me that I was once in love. Living it will have been enough.

I wonder sometimes, those of you out there, that don't keep journals or blogs or diaries or pictures, basically those of you that don't have the time or inclination to jot down memories - how much more freer you are. I have a tendency to use writing to clear my head, to do something with permanence. So that I have a way to look back and...self-analyze, reflect and also be able to relive memories. But sometimes, actual, awkward memories keep us in states of stagnation that we need not be.

This has been why, since X., I've been a lot more careful about writing about guys. Almost because I don't want to jinx relationships I've been in. And because, these guys usually don't know about me writing blogs and I don't think they should be as privvy to my mental state as uh...the rest of the interwebs is. Don't ask me why.

But the counter to that is, I don't always remember the amazing things that happened - so every memory is a tad hazy. The motion of lips against hands, sea air on a pier, purple sarongs and Italian American fairs...start to go away. But is that where they're supposed to be?

Boneless rabbity

You know, if I'm gonna blog a funny email, I'm going to blog all of the ones I get. I did the one from J-3 first cause it was the first thing, in a while, (or maybe since Friday) to make me laugh really really hard. So, to be fair, lots of friends have been sending me lovely and hilarious things to cheer me up. Like this from Wen:

So my friend recommended I Google Angora Rabbit...and when I saw it, I totally thought of you! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angora_rabbit Not in a bad way...but that you would appreciate it just as much as me...the "What the...is that real?!?! How does it get around? Does it have bones?..." The questions are endless...:D

It's like a giant poofball! Afro puff rabbit! I think the only reason people comb out their angora rabbits into afropuffs is because they're going to trim them, otherwise they just look like slightly puffier versions of the regular ones. I've actually seen these before because Jenny @ LJC FYI used to have an angora rabbit and she posted pics. But seeing them again still is pretty giggly. I mean, imagine these huge poofs hopping around your yard. ahah.

Best anti-depressant ever

Sometimes, you just need an email from a fucking amazing friend to make you feel better. Originally from my friend J-3, who moved his ass out to NYC, but is still one of my most favorite people in the whole world for free verse/prose:

But then remember that Baz Luhrmann song from our high school graduation year with all the graduation advice? The lyrics were originally a newspaper column in the Chicago Tribune, and then they circulated online with the false claim they were a commencement address by Kurt Vonnegut. One of the lyrics is "The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't." I always remember that line because the singer gets the inflection wrong and emphasizes "most" both times. Idiot.

bwahaha! Best pre-birthday present, ever. Write me something hilarious people. I'll dig it.

I'm only human

I refuse.

simply to let you pass me by.

to read your words and let them not affect me.

to hear your song and not cry.

i'm human, love.

you will not pass me by.

a long overdue conversation with my Lil'Mermaid last night, even though, she is at present, 3000 miles back across the country. the moment that you realize you are not the crazy one, where you shine like the goddess you know you are in your heart - not in a flash of arrogance, but of truth, because each of us, believe it or not, is a type of god or goddess - is the moment you start to believe. believe that love exists for all of us. believe that not now doesn't mean not ever or never. believe that the path, though broken and woody, is the path we're meant to be on. at the same time, it's good to have the friends that believe in you. who see your goodness and right to be loved, loved so deeply and fully it hurts. who hold your hand when you are scared and lonely. the friends that know you are meant for something better, and not only that, it will come. the love that is extraordinary, the love you are searching for, not willing to settle for, the love who is looking for you too. the most extraordinary of people, to fit like that perfect thing - to settle into that feeling of, "oh, that's what was missing."

and believe that maybe, just maybe, you haven't met this person yet, but they might just be right around the corner.

It is not the moment we chose to love that we begin to move towards freedom, because love is so rarely a choice. Love is an instinct, an accident, an epiphany, a stomach ache. It can feel like incarceration and pardon, alienation and intimacy, tragedy and comedy. It so often grabs us by the collar and drags us in whatever direction it feels magnetized. We don’t choose it. It harangues us.

It is the moment we critically and consciously choose how to shape our love that we move towards freedom. It is a critical response to our commercialized culture of romance, a rejection of that which feels outdated, a vision of a more inclusive, more authentic, more liberating relationship. In fact, the moment we choose to shape our love is the first, most critical step in shaping the whole God damn world.

— Why Love Is Our Most Powerful, Lasting Form of Activism. I’m learning to be brave. (via Kate) (via tarts)

for all that you have been, all that you will be, know that I have always wanted you to be happy. I shape my care for you now, from afar. in the hopes that one day, we'll find a peace of getting to be together in someway. in a way that makes us both happy.

Weekend notes.

Notes from the weekend:

-getting pwned by a nine-year old is hilarious.

-underground ramen is delicious

-hot pot is also delicious

-is it strange to have your ex's best friend say that he'd steal you if it weren't the fact that HE is his best friend? Or do you just think it's a way to get me to STFU about why we broke up? I sort of think it's the latter.

-brioche french toast is AMAZING. (especially with VSOP)

-seeing friends who are going on to huge, exciting things is just great.

-having adoptive families who feed you gumbo is also pretty damn cool.

I had a long and fruitful weekend. No, I didn't pro-create, but I had lots and lots of delicious foods and amazing experiences. (to recap, Underground Ramen; Revit class; hot pot; Sweet Breams/Yogurtouille; Beale Street Bar + First Born; brunches with J-Flower and hubby; Jerrsika's concert in Danville

The science of play

How: "I can't even finish my sudokus anymore!"
And + Pen: ??!
How: "I'm serious! I tried to do one today and I couldn't finish it! So I put it down, cause you know sometimes if you put something away and come back to it, your brain can finish it then? And I came back to it and I still couldn't finish it! It's worrisome."
Pen: "You know, I think this is one of the sad things about not working that people don't talk about. Cause you know how architects are constantly moving things around and making connections and putting things into little boxes...making mental calculations and making things fit? I think if your brain isn't doing that on a daily basis - you start to lose that skill. Or it starts to deteriorate."

Even though I was partially kidding, there's a reason why a lot of current psychologists and neuroscientists constantly encourage people to continue to do brain exercises up until their 70s and 80s. It's why a lot of older people play chess, bridge or other strategy games or do the crossword. It's not because they're old, but it's because they've continued to exercise their brains that they ARE old. AndHow and I were joking, but as part of the 'recession special' events they've been trying to brainstorm - cause seriously, when we were kids, we had no money, plenty of free time and we still managed to amuse ourselves - I started to try to come up with a new board game that we could play. It didn't work out so well - ARCHITEXs! the game doesn't sound like that much fun. But still, playing games is one of the way that we can all keep our brains from becoming just gray squashy moosh.

One of my favorite ways to multi task at work is to listen to things like podcasts or TED talks in order to stimulate both sides of my brain. This one below by Stuart Brown talks about the importance of play to child development and also to continued growth as we get older. In fact, one of history's most notorious serial killers was actually shown to have his play habits restrained and limited when he was a child and grew up not knowing how to interact or relax around others.



It's amazing no? This is why I'm going rock climbing next week. Keep playin' y'all!

And also, AndHow cooked me these for the very first time, and they were INCREDIBLE. Little nubs of herby spaeztle mixed in with green beans. Nummy. I have no idea what Bavarian sauce is, but it basically equals delicious. The funniest thing was that I opened up their freezer to see three boxes of this stuff and I was about to give the boys shit for it. I mean, come on - it sounds borderline Dinty Moore beef stew! And I've never seen spaeztle and green beans mixed together before, well I'm telling you people. Get your asses to Andronicos before I do, cause this shit will be gone!

How: it's hard to make spaeztle.
Pen: No, it's not! Is it? It's like just making dumpling mix!
And: No...wait...yes, I guess it's hard to make smooth.
How: Yeah, Elka said you have to have authentic Germans around. Cause you have to stir it pretty hard. And I was thinking, "You mean you have to have big German women to stir it?"
And + Pen: bwaahahah!

something to chew on.

How To Get Sick: (I'm writing a longer entry right now, but this is for you guys to chew on. The next time you get really sick, think about these instead of your dripping nose. And try to be more gentle with yourself; sometimes I don't remember to do that, because I'm trying to get stuff "done".)

1. Don’t pay attention to your body. Eat plenty of junk food, drink too much, smoke too much, take drugs, have lots of unsafe sex with lots of different partners – and above all, feel guilty about it. If you are over-stressed and tired, ignore it and keep pushing yourself

2. Think of your life as meaningless and of little value

3. Do things you don’t like and avoid doing what you really want. Follow everyone else’s opinion and advice. See yourself as miserable and “stuck”.

4. Be resentful and hypocritical, especially toward yourself

5. Fill your mind with dreadful pictures, and then obsess over them. Worry most, if not all, of the time.

6. Avoid deep, lasting, intimate relationships.

7. Blame other people for all your problems

8. Do not express feelings and views openly and honestly. Others won’t appreciate it. If at all possible, do not even know what you own feelings are.

9. Shun anything that resembles a sense of humor; life is no laughing matter.

via Psychobabble

Ticking...my clock is blocking.

Some very cool updates for today:

Shareen Downtown is the blog of the fabulous Shareen Vintage in Venice Beach and Downtown LA, CA. I went there today expecting the normal fashion store owner's blog. What trends are hot in the industry, what items are new in the store, ways to wear things you already own et al, but instead was rewarded with a wonderful treat. Shareen writes incredible, outstanding, spiritual prose/poetry. Here posts inspiring and lovely. Just what I want to hear...what I need to hear

"Tonight, having listened to beautiful music I am moved to say, I love everyone that has ever tried to love and who even now is questioning the value and the way. Nothing is harder, than love and to have a great relationship with anyone is just the most amazing thing ever in the world. If you have one celebrate it daily and work hard to preserve it. If you don’t fight hard to learn how to give and receive- fight hard. It is why you are here."

Shareen Downtown

and secondly, I know I keep waxing poetic about Richie Nakano's (of NOPA) blog linecook, but it's seriously one of the best friggin' chef blogs out there. It's funny, engaging and still manages to be thoughtful. He's generous and at the same time grateful for everything that he has. He loves his life and it shows - I mean, he's inspirational. A true craftsman of the industry. When I look at and talk to working actors, this is the type of person that I see. Someone who is top notch at what they do but always has their head looking towards what they can do next; how they can improve. Not someone who grandstands or rests on their laurels. And above all, a working artist. Well, to top it all off, Nakano's started a podcast with his sous chef/line chef Corey and patisserie chef Amy - and not only do they make it as high-larious, irreverent and fun as Kevin Smith's Smodcast (they talk about hating Family Circus!), they throw in great foodie tips (take your organic produce to the self checkout line, figure out how to make the computer only charge you for the regular stuff) to the silliness of the "organic" revolution. And they're long shoot-the-shit sessions too. Like 80 minutes!

linecook

One of my favorite posts so far: on FOMO (Fear of Missing Out - what every artist has to battle when they're immersed in what they do)

"So the next time you get FOMO, ask yourself what it is that you're really missing. Juxtapose this against the importance of immersing yourself in the kitchen and what paying your dues will end up getting you, and ask yourself if its worth it. Everyone needs me time--but no one ever got 4 stars by letting themselves have it."

Man, I have GOT to get to Nopa. Or Nopalito at least. BTW: Nakano and his team (Corey and Amy) are doing Mission Street Food on April 4th. Amy promises sno-cones. In other news MSF was just on NPR's Food Podcast - yet another San Francisco First, bitches.

remote from pain

“ The inexpressible depth of music, so easy to understand and yet so inexplicable, is due to the fact that it reproduces all the emotions of our innermost being, but entirely without reality and remote from pain…Music expresses only the quintessence of life and of its events, never these themselves.
— Arthur Schopenhauer, as quoted in Oliver Sacks’ insanely good 2007 book, Musicophilia
via Psychobabble

rest now, rest.

In my house, there is a piece of furniture that is lovingly referred to as, “the chair”. It’s notoriety stems from it’s immediate and almost ridiculous ability to make any person sitting in it fall asleep; usually for multiple hours. It’s nothing special really. It’s a rose colored, plush recliner that was actually part of a love seat set that belonged to my grandmother. But even though it was part of a set, the only one that’s really earned the name “the chair” is the one that currently resides in my dad’s office.

There was a period of roughly three months, where three to four nights a week, I would somehow end up in my dad’s office-ostensibly reading something, curled up in the chair under the stripey Mexican blanket, snoring away, drooling ever so lightly over the fringe. I would miss phone calls, tv shows and I definitely messed up my personal sleeping schedule by napping so close to my actual bedtime.

After a while, I realized that I couldn’t sit in the chair anymore. I wasn’t getting anything done in the evenings because I was spending so much time in the chair. It was hard to put aside something so comfortable. In our lives, does this parallel our efforts to get something done? Does the need for being comforted and comfortable get in the way of achieving what it is that we want to do in life? Being comfortable has always been a strong incentive for me to do or not do anything. I like to find a spot and stay there; as long as my base needs are met then I can be relatively happy. Hence my current living situation.

But I wonder, just wonder, where I could go if I just stopped needing to be comfortable. I guess, I just feel like I never get to rest. Ever get that feeling? Like you're constantly striving or constantly on the hamster wheel? When do we just get to be? I'd like a moment, just to get to "be" and in that moment...just have it all.

walk away love

“ Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth."
— Fyodor Dostoevsky

The truth is I wish you cared.

Lunch at Sardi's everyday...

One of my FAVORITE things about theater in the Bay Area is getting to know such a tightly knit and wonderful community. In fact, I don't feel comfortable these days unless I see someone I know at an audition. Actors are totally crazy, but the Equity (Union) ones aren't. These are the people who see acting as a profession and keep themselves pretty sane. They don't have anything to prove, they know their shit doesn't stink. And my favorite thing so far this year has been getting to work with more "traditional" companies; making the transition from the experimental theater world doesn't always translate across the board, and I'm glad to have made the crossing rather seamlessly.

But the best thing about getting to know more actors? Getting to see their work up close and personal; it's wonderful to see how much people on stage are so unlike their real life personas and to see the amount of work that they put into a performance. Finally got to see Blondie do her performance of 'the Producers' on Friday at DLOC.



The Producers info on Wikipedia

Another one of Mel Brooks' films that was a film then a musical then a film again (Young Frankenstein); the story of a down on his luck, shyster of a Broadway producer Max Bialystock (Marcus Klinger) and his winsome accountant Leo Bloom (Ryan Drummond) who dreams of becoming a producer. They discover that they can make more money by producing a flop than a hit; so they set out to create the worst show ever. Along the way, they acquire a Reichstag playwright (Danny Cozart), a flaming queen director (Tim Johnson) and a nubile Swedish ingenue (Ginny Wehrmeister).

Probably the most genuinely funny find of the night was Cozart's delightfully macho and brutish Franz Leibkind; the physical comedic actor was knee slap hilarious during the Gutentag Hop Clop and nearly all of his scenes. Of course, Mel Brooks is a damn good writer. Which makes it sad to note that quite a few of the best jokes were overblown. Wehrmeister was WONDERFUL as Ulla - even thought her accent wasn't strictly Swedish. Rather, her Ulla was a wonderful sketch of an eager, hypersexualized and clueless sex kitten. The chemisty between her and Drummond's greenie Leo (himself an incredible singer) was palpable, although it would probably take a blind, gay, parapalegic octogenarian not to appreciate Wehrmeister's charms. Leo and Ulla's combination dance/seduction scene at the beginning of Act II is both sweet and funny.

Tim Johnson as the drag queen cum director has an incredible soaring voice that carries well during the huge show number, "Springtime for Hitler" - and wears a sparkling evening gown with a beaded Chrystler building motif imperially around the stage. I could do with less of the "gay" jokes, and the irony of the showgirl/huge ensemble scenes gets lost amidst the mismanaged direction. This is one of those shows where the actors are doing all of their own work, but aren't cohesive as a cast. There are definite standouts, but it seems as if people are playing the show for the double takes to the audience rather than really listening to one another. It's one of the scariest things that can happen to an ensemble, each one trying to top the other. Drummond and Wehrmeister work well together, and Drummond in general (showing why he won the Men's Best Actor Shellie for 2008) is a superb actor. He matches his comedic timing and excellent vocals with physicality and develops Leo into an upstanding leading man.

Klinger makes a decent Bialystock, but his last swansong, "Betrayed" started and ended at the same level; overly kvetching New York Jew. Zero Mostel and Nathan Lane knew how to take their performances and temper them gently between slick shyster, overbearing producer and genuinely neurotic man. I felt like Klinger was always trying to play catch up to Drummond and some of the best lines in the show were upstaged by long pauses and off timing. The ensemble is rather good including some of the best hoofer/tappers in the Bay Area. They're all incredibly athletic and keep up with the choreography well. And the costuming is gorgeous; Wehrmeister of course gets the best costumes; jewel toned teal, ruby reds, a jewelled black eagle costume of barely nothing. But the showgirls are alos aptly attired in sparkling outfits, patent pleather and tap boots abound.

Even though sets and costumes, lighting and sound take skill and craft, the actors are the ones putting themselves out to be judged every night. DLOC keeps their production values high and their audiences happy with this show. 'the Producers' closes today at the Dean Lesher Center for the Performing Arts in Walnut Creek.

TOMORROW: my review of Thursday Nights at the Academy and Revit class. Oi.

Do it all well

Message for Obama Flickr Pool

via hyperakt

So welcome to the new layout! It's a standard, uploaditsfree template from the web and one that I actually wanted to switch to a while ago, but because of the widget incompatibility...I was hesitant, because it meant that I lost my archives. Or at least my monthly ones. blahditty blah blah blah. But hopefully it doesn't drive anyone's eyes crazy.

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i've been wondering lately, if what it really takes to be successful as a small business owner is a healthy sense of control. the clients that have recently made it into my workload range from the casual, come-in-when-you-can to the i-really-want-things-done-my-way people. in other words, the beach bums vs. the anal retentive control freaks. both have their upsides and downsides, of course. it also makes me realize that even though the 'rat race' is just as tenuous, there is a luxury to being an employee. as long as you perform, there's no real reason for you to lose your job (barring a crappy madoff economy). there are health benefits, retirement plans, lunches and paid vacation. granted, you will almost never make as much money as a business owner or innovator, but you can sort of sit back and chill.

if you're the type of person, though, who likes to challenge themselves and multi-task, then owning a small business or turning it into a larger business is totally for you. the details have to be something that intrigue and drive you. you have to be the person that gets up at 5am and has all the notes for the meeting typed out, double spaced and bullet pointed. but you also have to keep track of the bigger picture. you have to know when to get out of the way and let someone else who is better than you do a job for you. there has to be a goal; just because you're a good bean counter, doesn't mean you'll be a good business owner. it has to be a healthy combination of creativity, business acumen (which not enough people take into account-healthy self promotion, knowing when to keep going and knowing when to cut your losses), humility and lack of ego, but also a healthy confidence oh..and a pretty damn good idea. some of the most successful people can do both. work a "joe" job and then do something they're completely passionate about on the side. it can be done, i've done it for years. i've just never been paid for it. we'll see if that can be changed.

as nubby says, "you can do it all, as long as you do it all well."

speaking of - 21 Ways to Grow Your Blog

you like?

new layout.

you like?

more on life later. I got some plans in the works, but that's all for now.

Dr. Suresh love.

Not a tumbler blog...not a tumbler blog

“ One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.”
One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing “so you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?”
“Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more.

— Nightmare Brunette: Endings (via sleepanddream) (via finallyseeing) (via lovebot) (via fives)

via unicornology

Everything is amazing, nobody is happy

Aren't they GORGEOUS?!

Swingin' on a star

We are who we are. No apologies, no kowtowing. No cowing or shying away.

We deserve beauty.

One of my dearest friends of the past 5 years is moving to NYC to follow her dreams. She called me tonight to tell me. And suddenly, the fogginess of yesterday and the precipice that is tomorrow fall away. This is it people.

The clarity. Reaching out and reaching past to not care about age. To not care about what we do, have or don't have. But knowing that there is something out there for us. I am not striving or confused for the first time in years. I have a plan. And that plan is good. And those plans may fall through tomorrow.

And it'll still be good.

"He sat looking at the sky for a long time. Then he took from his knapsack a bottle of wine, and drank some. He remember the night in the desert when he had sat with the alchemist, as they looked at the stars and drank wine together. He thought of the many roads he had traveled, and of the strange way God had chosen to show him his treasure. If he hadn't believed in the significance of recurrent dreams, he would have not met the Gypsy woman, the king, the thief, or...'Well, it's a long list. but the path was written in the omens, and there was no way I could go wrong,' he said to himself."
-The Alchemist, Paul Coelho


"What ravages of spirit /Conjured this temptuous rage/ Created you a monster/ Broken by the rules of love /And fate has led you through it /You do what you have to do / And fate has led you through it /You do what you have to do ..."
-Sarah McLachlan 'Do What You Have To Do'

Read it, I dare you.

I am so fucking tired of being good-natured. Tired of being other people's doormats. Having other people think that I need to work on myself and not themselves. And why the FUCK (and you know what, suck it if you think I'm swearing too much) people:

a) never feel the need to apologize to me
b) treat me like I'll just do anything for them
c) don't invite me to events unless they think I'll clean or bring food
d) don't call me to hang out
e) treat me like a personal secretary/assistant
f) make fun of me and think that it doesn't hurt my feelings, but if I DARE to make fun of them they lash out, sulk and run guilt trips on me - it's probably the worst double standard.

Um...what happened to people being supportive? To people caring about you? And not so much about themselves?

You know what? I'm NOT sorry about this aggro. This comes from the fact that I got a message on Facebook from someone that I barely if ever talk to and she wants to know information about my voice teacher whom she has studied with longer than I have! I just want to tell her I'm not her personal secretary, I'm not my voice teacher's personal secretary and I haven't even had the funds to see the man since last November. And it shows, my voice is not up to the quality it's been in the past. I hate this economy and I also hate people taking me for granted. I need money, and I've been working,

SO WHERE'S MY FUCKING MONEY?

and if any of you dare write me a "calm down" note, consider yourself banned from my friendship, because this is an honest gripe. I'll see it differently tomorrow, but for today at least respect the fact that I have feelings and those feelings right now are pissed and righteous and hurt and honest. When YOU feel that way, I let you, and what's more, I don't judge you for those feelings. What hurts the most is that the people I counsel through their hardships are the first ones to question and not support me when my problems pop up. I mean, why don't I ever get to be upset? Seriously? When I'm upset, I feel like NO ONE supports me at all. (well, except for Lil Mermaid, Om and Jerrsika) And if you don't want to read this sort of stuff...

THEN DON'T.

Say bye bye!

Hey guys, so I got rid of the last post cause, no. 1 - I shouldn't have posted it in the first place, it was something private that someone had written to me. and no. 2-with my sense of humor, I think it's hard for my friends to know when I'm joking and when I'm serious. And quite honestly, I LIKED the message in German, in a not sarcastic and not mocking way. But I always forget that when people don't have context, they can misinterpret stuff. So it goes bye bye.

Instead, here are some slightly depressing lyrics from Evanescence:

I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

By the way, have you guys heard about senuti? That's iTunes spelled backwards? It's a new download that my new hipster client told me about that rips all your iTunes from a foreign iPod into your iTunes. Unfortunately, you still can't upload your library to your friend's iPod - actually, I'm sure there's a way and both JDawg and Ms. Beach will probably forward me a link to them.

Also try: I Listen to Everything for new hipster tunes.

Sigh...this is what happens when you work for hipster turned yuppie clients, you start to try to keep up so you don't look like a moron when you go into work. Fuck it, this is the latest album I've been jonesing to buy, even though it's like a year old. The music is still awesomeness defined.

Mark Ronson, "Version"
Review from Pop Culture Buzz

Just listen to Amy Winehouse's version of, 'Valerie' and the Smith's remix of 'Stop Me' and tell me you don't feel just a wee bit hipper.

A woman without love wilts like a flower without sun.

Face it, kid: unless you can be yourself, you won’t stay with anyone for long. You’ve got to be able to talk. That’s tough. But spend your nights learning, so you’ll have something to say. Something the “attractive intelligent man” will want to listen to.

-Sylvia Plath (via unicornology)

The only thing I would add is to do this shit for yourself, not so that you have something to say to an attractive, intelligent man - but so you won't be bored for the rest of your life. Be interested so that you can be interesting; be fascinated by life. Just watched, 'Amelie' again tonight at Mags house and was reminded of how love spurs us to do incredible things but that we have to go out and chance it - or our hearts will end up brittle as glass. Our hearts are muscles and are meant to be used.

I fully intend on being beautiful someday. soon.

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Speaking of, did anyone ever see the 1995 version of 'Solomon and Sheba' with Halle Berry and Jimmy Smits? It was a fictional retelling of the Biblical story of the King of Israel and the Queen of Sheba. I keep trying to find this movie on DVD and apparently, it was widely panned by all the critics. Which is sad because this movie started my love affair with Jimmy Smits; it was the first time I had ever seen, captured on screen, an image of absolute naked desire for a woman by a man. Visual sexual tension between two people. And have wanted it ever since. Of course, it would probably help to look like Halle Berry.