Because the interwebs can't stop a determined writer. Or someone who has a little too much time on her hands.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Change the rules.













I walk a mile with a smile.
I don't know I don't care where I am, But I know it's all right. Jump the tracks, can't get back. I don't know anyone round here, But I'm safe this time. 'Cause when you tell me, tell me, tell me Stupid things like you do, Yes I have to, have to, have to Change the rules; I can't lose. 'Cause I shiver, I just break up. When I'm near you it all gets out of hand. Yes I shiver, I get bent up. There's no way that I know you'll understand. We talk and talk, round it all. Who'd have thought we'd end up here? But I'm feeling fine. In a rush never trust, you'll be there If I'd only stop and take my time. 'Cause with you I'm running, running, running Somewhere I can't get to. Yes I have to, have to, have to Change the rules; I'm with you. 'Cause I shiver, I just break up. When I'm near you it all gets out of hand. Yes I shiver, I get bent up. There's no way that I know you'll understand. What if you get off at the next stop? Would you just wave as I'm drifting off? And if I never saw you again Could I (could I) keep all (all) of this (of this) inside? 'Cause I shiver, I just break up. When I'm near you it all gets out of hand. Yes I shiver, I get bent up. There's no way that I know you'll understand. (I'm running but my heart won't keep up. This feeling that I'm feeling is too much. There's nothing that can slow me down now. I'm running but I'll catch you somehow.) I shiver. I shiver. Yes I shiver, I just break up. When I'm near you it all gets out of hand. Yes I shiver, I get bent up. There's no way that I know you'll understand.

-Shiver , Natalie Imbruglia

Unlikely adoration?

Today's Quote:
If someone says:
"That's impossible."
You should understand it as:
"According to my very limited experience and narrow understanding of reality, that's very unlikely."
via Unicornology

*****************************************************************

This holiday holds some new experiences for me. In the last 8 years of my exodus from
college, I've never felt like I needed to hold back from showing the people around me, materially, that they matter. I've held elaborate dinner parties, stood in line at electronic stores and purchased over the-top items...all in the name of L-O-V-E.

It's not about showing off or status, at least I didn't think it was, but it was more about giving back to people that I truly cared about. The people that showed me over and over again that I was loved and thought about. But do we really need to keep doing that? Does a show of immaterial adoration count for nothing? I watched a special on 20/20 last night about American couples who adopt older children from impoverished nations and the painful process of disruption - which is literally, after going through extensive adoption procedures and an extended home stay, the parents giving up their children either to the state or to special programs. A major reason in a lot of these cases is because the children suffer from behavior problems.

Most of the story focused on three adoptive children from a family in Tampa who were all "older" adoptions. And get this, the parents got older kids because they didn't want to deal with late night feedings or changing diapers. Originally from Russia, all three ended up being sent to a special camp where things like chores, structure and discipline were emphasized after becoming problem kids at home. Things like: waking up at 7am, weeding the yard, cooking, athletic activity were juxtaposed with horseback riding, swimming and eating together. And yet, in this environment, so different from their plush and decadent lifestyle in Tampa, the kids thrived. And the most important statement to come out of the whole thing? 16 year old Margarita who said, "[Elena] is a spoiled brat. Whenever they want to praise us, they take us shopping."

Wow, talk about a wake-up call. The parents seemed to think that they were welcoming the kids into a kind of Disneyland magic that would so compensate for their adoptees horrible childhood that it would wipe out bad memories completely. So intent on showering them with American riches, they forgot the fundamental and basic steps of parenting. Kids need love, understanding and structure. I got more and more upset while watching, thinking these two clueless people were unfit parents. That at 16 years old, Margarita had a better grasp at what makes a true family. But that wouldn't be fair either.

New parents have to learn as much as children do, that they are not perfect. And materialism can never replace spending time with someone. Children are not pets to be pampered and preened as show dogs. They are people who have their own individual personalities and thoughts. At the end of the day, it's not about a new dress or bag or food - it's about a hug and a reassurance that it's all going to be alright.

I say this right before accompanying my mother to her mecca for the year; the Annual SF Sample Sale. As each year has passed, I've been less and less inspired to go. Receiving an email today from a friend that stated: "Have fun at the sample sale, you always do." hit a dissonant chord. I'm not made of money, I'm smart with what I spend and have cut back on pretty much everything. And yet, all my friends think I do is shop. I don't know if this is a commentary on needing to change my life or their misconceptions. And it's disheartening that your friends put you into a little box because you know what designer is doing what. Just because I know that Sigerson Morrison designed the new shoe line at Target, doesn't mean that I own a pair of their $300 flats. These days, when I walk out of a store having purchased nothing because images of my closet swim in front of my eyes, I pat myself on the back. I may peruse online sites, but that's because it's eye candy. An easy way to see what is popular without actually purchasing anything. And yet, still, I am "Penny the Shopper."

This year, my brother wants me to take him and his friend to the airport for Christmas. My parents, being born in the Year of the Rat, will want either nothing or something fairly over the top (ie. tickets to Teatro Zinzanni). My little cousins are caught up in Jonas Bros everything, except for the one emo cousin who could probably use some Soundgarden. Immaterial adoration, is it possible? Sounds like plain old love to me.

From Russia with Love: Dealing with Difficult Adoptions

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Livin' with what I got.

Whoa...ok enough with the aggro Pen.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, traditionally a holiday where we are remember what we're grateful for. When our bodies ease into family, food and comfort. And in these days of uncertainty, it is enough to have those people around us that we trust and that love us. Never mind the amount of love; it's just enough to have it. And I'm also grateful to have been able to give back (2 storebought dinners at church). To have the ability and the impulse to give is quite honestly, something that I wish I could empower everyone with.

This holiday, I am grateful to have the ability to love and to (for)give.

Have a wonderful holiday season!

And noww....Federico Fellini on the importance of women as counterparts:

We don't really know who woman is. She remains in that precise place within man where darkness begins. Talking about women means talking about the darkest part of ourselves, the undeveloped part, the true mystery within. In the beginning, I believe man was complete and androgynous-both male and female, or neither, like angels. Then came the division, and Eve was taken from him. So the problem for man is to reunite himself with the other half of his being, to find the woman who is right for him-right be she is simply a projection, a mirror of himself. A man can't become whole or free until he has set woman free-his woman. It's his responsibility, not hers. He can't be complete, truly alive until he makes her his sexual companion, and not a slave of libidinous acts or a saint with a halo.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It may be a liquid burger, but eggnog is love.

The most fun sentence to come out of my rant yesterday?

And your quasi-intellectual, self-indulgent declarations of "life" and pompous self-discovery are like the whisperings of a spoiled emo 15 year old xanga blogger. Fuck you.

A sure cure for angry break-up depression?
Hot ass John Legend. Noggin' some egg.





Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted
to talk to me, you would.

via unicornology — (via littlemiss) (via crazybeautiful) (via bon-bon)

Monday, November 24, 2008

with strings attached.


I might not blog for awhile, but I didn't want you guys to be concerned. Who knows, I may blog tomorrow, but you know...just in case.
I just saw this book at Barnes and Noble, it seemed to sum up everything that was wrong with the boy I was seeing. I am currently in the anger phase of recovery and don't feel like quite sharing with the rest of the world.
But he got the boot. For my own mental health. For my own happiness. Cause I give a crap about ME. And I am made of awesome.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Exorcising demons that weren't mine to bear.

The world belongs to those who stand out, stand up and stand for or against a cause which they can strongly defend, those who can talk crowd and keep their virtues or walk with kings and not lose the common touch – their identity. An independent mind is a frontier of change in the world. -Tayo Korede

(via Nubbytwiglet's entry on Personal Branding and Blogging)

Today, sitting here, making the hard decisions. I've been getting down on myself lately for not showing more...iniative. Even though the phlegm has been hitting hard and heavy, Rocky ended and I stepped directly into another show. Jerrsika reminded me of all of this yesterday, and justified a break today. So I've been sitting watching CSI: NY for the last three hours or so. I'm soon to bound downstairs to clean my desk.

A change is gonna come. Soon. If I decide it. I'll be living in my present and not his past.

Here's how NOT to make rice pudding:

a) do not use uncooked arborio rice. There are about 1-1/2 gallons of liquid needed, and the rice will release it's starch. Instead, use the leftover cooked rice already in the rice cooker.

b) do not use coconut milk even though you're trying to use it up. First of all, at a very high temperature, the milk will start to release its oils and it will also add a slightly chalky flavor that's not appropriate for rice pudding

c) do not add pureed fruit. It will make it taste even stranger. Esp. do not use raspberries that have seeds.

Dammit...what do I do with this pot of crap now?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wind of banners.

Things to Love Thursday.

Pablo Neruda Poems - ever since trying to watch Il Postino twice when I was younger, in the vain hopes that it would make me more cultured or more cool as it were. I think it was my favorite idea of a "sensual" adult movie that I could watch with my then boyfriend.

All it did was give me a lifelong love of Italy. And Pablo Neruda, on a beach, explaining love to a hunky but clueless ragazzo.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.


But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine. ...
"If You Forget Me" by Pablo Neruda


And today's, 'Blogs of Note': Happy Mundane
It's not the first time I've just randomly clicked on a BON link, and yet again, I have been conveniently pleased.

It brings up a question though. Are we naturally a suspicious species? Do we tend to distrust anything that has any whiff of coporate stamp of appeal - or something that we heard of via a mainstream source? I remember when "Single Ladies" was the fucking bomb esp. when my cast members were doing their own versions in the back alley on Capp. But now that everyone and their mother is "putting a ring on it" as it were on YouTube, does it make the video any less cool? No, just more popular.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

tearing apart.


Even though I long to stay
the more the cracks start to grow
till the day we're shattered
and can't be

Monday, November 17, 2008

She's so lucky, she's a star...

We all have those moments when we realize how lucky we actually are.

In life, Allen Klein (Jollytologist) says that we can all handle stress and conflict with humor. And that we should ask for more standing ovations. Try this the next time you're stressed out. Ask for applause. "I burned dinner." or "I forgot the dry cleaning." Get a real, totally enthusiastic, standing O from your friend or partner. Or give one. You'll feel goofy, they'll feel goofy, and more often than not, it'll put a grin on your face. We celebrate with one another. He tried this with a bunch of people in the congregation, until Klein had made the point, "Quite often in life, we don't get celebrated for who we are. I mean, how many of you got a standing ovation last night?"

And quite literally, in my head, I went, "I GOT TWO!"

See, it was closing night of Rocky. With a fuller than full house. At the 8pm show, we opened the balcony. At the 11 o'clock show, out of 491 seats, 485 seats were sold. And it was wild and raucous.

Remember, there are things in our life that make us luckier than lucky. Celebrate them.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Weekend update.

Had dim sum with Kat yesterday. It's actually sort of fun having the same days off as your best friend because it means you get to tool around together. We went to the GIANT BOK CHOY restaurant.

I don't know what it's actually named, but I've deemed it the GIANT BOK CHOY restaurant for the enormous porcelain model it has right in the front door way. It's on Clement if you're interested and weekday dim sum is $1.95 a plate. We had 10 plates (yeah, we're pigs, sue us) and the total bill was $23. W00t!

Asians have such a weird fascination with the overly large or ridiculously small replicas of things. Extremes at both ends of the spectrum.

So today is the closing night of Rocky and I close it with some sadness, but also breathing a of relief. This is one of the mostsigh challenging yet fun shows I've done yet. The cast has been such a wonderful mix of non-judgemental, talented, loving, funny, diverse people. They're open minded and smart. Liberal and funny. And a whole lot of sassy. But I'm tired from the energy needed to do this show, and starting to get sick, missing my friends and I start 'Nine' on Sunday. So maybe that's the reprieve for cast loss fallout, to get into something else right away.

Still, I couldn't have wished for a better experience. Our director flew up from L.A. last night to see one of our last performances and it was awesome. For those of you that saw it, thank you! For those of you who wished they could have seen it, better luck next time. I for one, loved this experience. Incredible.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

thursday love

Things I Love Thursday – inspired by GalaDarling

sweet potato biscuits! My dad whipped up a batch on his day off from the Google cookbook and they’re delish. I ate the last one this morning with breakfast and it was still great.

This entry from It’s Like I’m ..Mmmagic - 7 year olds weigh in on Obama!
“Which promoted Matthew to reply with my favorite line of the day: “So people must be trusting Ohmamma to be a good President even if he has no white skin because he’s going to still be good. Because skin is like glasses but just you can’t take your skin off.”

My absolutely gorgeous, talented, funny, caring Rocky Horror Cast. It’s such a friggin’ cliché: but we are such a diverse and interesting group of people and only in this millennium and in San Francisco could this show have happened. We had a real loving gay wedding during Halloween and are currently holding up ‘No on 8’ signs during the ‘Make You A Man’ reprise.



Stephen Schwartz and Liz Calloway. Brilliant artists.

Read this article on the Perfect Day by Dan Haugh from Gomestic

the Meantime Girl: a role we all fall comfortably into sometimes. It’s aight, the Meantime Boy is also available.

Oh my god….if this wasn’t on ABC News, I might be all WHATEVER. But yes, make sure your partner gets tested for HPV. Cancer from blow jobs?

But speaking of, spending time with your loved ones after a dry spell is wonderful. Thai food. Kissing. Holding hands. No bad dreams last night, just sweet relaxing sleep.


These shoes from ModCloth – impeccably impractical. And gorgeous.
Of course they are called the Prima Donna shoes. If I like them, they also have to be ludicrously named.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm pretty sure it's not about my father or mother...

Had a dream last night that woke me up out of a dead sleep with my heart a racin'. Basically, I was at the Wells Fargo ATM in the Mission - near the Victoria - and I was trying to make copies of some 11x17 architectural drawings. Basically, you inserted the drawing into the slot in the ATM machine, the machine would scan it and spit out some more copies. So I was there, just trying to make copies, when all of a sudden I was approached, on the left, by a homeless dude wearing no socks and a hat. (oh and a raggedy lookin' suit) Now, note: not attacked, not harrassed, APPROACHED. But I KNEW that he was asking me for money because I was at the ATM machine, even though all I was doing was copying drawings. I woke up totally freaked out and scared.

Jungians...you wanna tell me what this means?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Fobby Dearest.

At age 29, I get the biggest kick out of making my dad laugh by reading him posts off this online:

MyMomIsAFob

KFC Worker: Welcome to KFC, can I take your order?
Mom: Yes please, can I have one bucket of chicken?
KFC Worker: Sure! White or dark meat ma’am?
Mom: Duck!? I don’t want duck! I want chicken!

For some reason, he is not such a fan of MyDadIsAFob...maybe because Fobby Mommies are just better? I dunno why, 'cause this video rocks.

Dad plays Wii Boxing for the first time - and KICKS ASS!

Survey Says

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Cheney. Or anyone made of chocolate - cause...FONDUE!
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Who will it be?
William Hung - who barely qualifies, but yeah, that guy.
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
I often have dreams about punching assorted family members in the face for their insensitive commentary.
4. What is your favorite cheese?
I cannot chose only one!!! That's nearly impossible! But I have to say, my go to cheese at the supermarket is dill havarti. It makes all sandwiches better.
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich will you eat?
Whoa. That means everything edible known to mankind is at my fingertips. Right now, I'm feelin' a soy/honey/chili glazed piece of sea bass on a crusty roll with cabbage slaw and mayo.
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Angelina Jolie. Two for the price of one. Or Jimmy Smits. Or Daniel Radcliff. Or Prince William.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice, who will it be?
Marc Broussard. Or the drummer for the Wallflowers. All LVs are whores...so this is difficult.
8. Now that you've slept with two people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you buy?
Dinner at Nopa. Or a hand immersion blender.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Bali.
10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is?
Arnold Palmer's for life. With mango iced tea.
11. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go?
I want to see my parents as kids. I think that would be priceless.
12. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Oh jeezus, I am no good at being a leader. Seriously, I'm too indecisive. Maybe, sustainable living or once we get over a certain # of people, the a-holes have to leave. Some sort of over population rule.
13. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it?
Shop Your Closet. Actually Todd Oldham used to do something akin to this in the early 90s, where he would go into people's houses and take items they already owned and put them together into new and interesting outfits. But I want to take the time to remind people that they have enough and it's just about thinking about what you have in new and exciting ways.
14. What is your favorite curse word?
Goddamit.
15. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, what do you do?
Ahhhh!! Mummies?! That's fucking scary as fuck. Ummm...I guess, try to shoo them out of the house. Maybe keep one for good measure.
16. Your house is on fire! What do you do?
Get out. Call the Fire Dept. Find the hose.
17. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Call the a-holes in my life and let them have it. Maybe smoke some pot.
18. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whats even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it?
W00t! Radioactive veggies! It's almost always flying. Can I have witch powers?! Witchpower!
19. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
Whoa...sort of a big deal and a secret.
20. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
"Looking back, nothing is as horrible as it seems at the time. Perspective is just around the corner of every untimely event. You just have to wait for it to make the turn." - I agree with Gates. Oh wait, there was this one time in Chinese School where I accidentally fucked up some person's wedding. I'd redo that moment.
21. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out you can move anywhere. Where are you going?
London baby! (Cause this means I can't live in the States right?)
22. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be?
Leanne Borghesi's house
23. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question... If you did, then we'll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first, and be like "Check it out I can FLY!?"
I think it depends on how fast I can fly. Possibly Wen's house, cause she'd get a kick out of it. Or J.'s place, but as I haven't really met his parents yet, a flying girlfriend would be weird. Straight to George Lucas' house, cause I'm sure there will be a part in a Star Wars movie for me. ha.
24. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
I dunno, most people who are dead want to stay dead. Richard Harris, because I like his Dumbledore better than Gambon's.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Kicking more ass?

For once, I like my horoscope. From psychic dream astrology in the SF Guardian (unlike Brezny, who seems to hate Taurii)

Taurus:
Taurus, you've been kicking ass and taking names. But that can get tiresome and lonely. you may need to acknowledge the asses of the masses that have been harmed in the making of this movie. Say a little prayer, shed a tiny tear, and then keep on rolling.

and for Jerrsika - who nearly fooled me into thinking Liz Calloway reads my blog. Silly goose.

Aquarius:
Kindess is king (or queen, if you're using a feminist deck). The more open, living and positive you can be with your fluttery heart, the better. You don't need to be a Pollyanna, but a touch of "fake it till you make it" wouldn't kill you. Sink the energy you wish to receive into all you touch this week.

*sekaseka

Irritating: having learnt past tenses in English grammar class the following, when they show up in web articles that were supposedly edited, frustrate me to no end.

v. trans : (to) light = lit NOT lighted
v. trans: (to) dive = dove NOT dived
v. trans: (to) leap = leapt NOT leaped

I understand that I may be the only person in this camp, but it's still annoying to me.

******************************************************************************

Reasons I love SF: We rename our streets as often as we change political parties (some lovely individuals did this to Bush street the other day)

AMAZING! J. marched in the huge SF, 'No on 8 Protest' on Friday night. Possibly to provide a large 'fuck you' to his uptight Catholic upbringing. Partially inspired by the commitment to full human rights for everyone. Possibly in order to party like a rock star. Whatever, he did it and I'm so proud of him. *muah* baby!
(both photos via SFist)
*sekaseka: to laugh without reason (in Bemba, language of Zambia)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I'll be there someday, if I can be strong.

WARNING: MUSICAL THEATER DORK ENTRY.
Heroes are particular to every person.

Maybe that sounds like a no-brainer, but if you look at it realistically, one person's hero is another person's mortal enemy. Think about the person whose hero is Nelson Mandela versus Scarface. To me, a hero lives by a personal code. One that he or she has developed and refined over years, the person who is still willing to learn and question. But one who knows how to be decisive and chose quickly. Heroes make YOU think, change the way you look at life. Inspire you to be and act differently. And a lot of times, you're lucky as hell to meet one of your heroes. (Cause a lot of the time, they're dead or imaginary. I mean, Gene Kelly is a hero of mine.)

Well peeps, I got lucky.

My parents have been getting a Season Membership to Broadway by the Bay ever since I started doing more theater.** And this year, BBBay featured a concert by the composer and lyricist of Wicked, Stephen Schwartz.
**I don't know if it's some sort of odd way of supporting my habit or trying to understand it. I'd like to think it's a version of one of those. Although, it makes me cringe a little when they come home from one of the shows going, "Oh, your (insert name of friend here) was soo good!" Especially since I've never done a show at BBBay. It's an Asian parent thing.


Wicked is one of those rare Broadway phenoms of being absolutely %100 commercially successful. One of the few musicals that has become part of the mainstream, by, ironically focusing on the story of a heroine who is so notably NOT mainstream. And is also a beautifully rendered story; funny, sweet, life-changing and has one of the most powerful orchestrations ever. It's a doozy of a vocal workout, but has so many alchemical seminal songs - ones that demand your full artistic commitment - that when you have it, you HAVE it.

This music has changed my life.

It was the first musical that asked me for more that I thought was humanly or physically possible for myself. And it was the first musical that I HAD to do. Where I did not care about the time or dedication it would take to fully absorb all the music - I had to have it. Hours of going over the musical motifs, vowel modifications and acting choices. The only music that I go through constantly, trying to refine and the only songs that I never ever tire of singing. That give me chills whenever I hear the opening chords.

In other words, the music that made me a singer.

Stephen Schwartz gets criticized by some people in the musical conservatory community for being way to prophetic about a few of his choices. He's written such religious themed musicals such as: Children of Eden, Godspell, the LSD crapfest known as Pippin (sorry, I am SO not a fan of Pippin), the lovely but slightly ambivalent morality tale, The Baker's Wife, The Magic Show and finally, Wicked. I will not go into my love for Wicked, because that would be about 40 pages long, but the music, the musical and the story is GENIUS.

The theme of the concert yesterday, also starring: the INCREDIBLE Liz Calloway, Scott Coulter and (Tony award winning) Debbie Gravitte, was finding the new in the old. So accordingly, all of the songs were Schwartz's heavy hitters.

To me, the greatest find of the night was Scott Coulter. A sweet gorgeous tenor with a timbre pure, clear controlled top - Scott's phrasing and musicality (he also played piano at one point) seemed odd to me at first, but won me over by the end of the show. His voice paired lovingly with Calloway in a Children of Eden/Wicked medley. And during all the group members. Self-effacing and gentle, he easily stepped into making fun of himself for playing Pocahontas as he did knocking the socks off the audience. Singing the difficult love song from Enchanted, 'So Close', Coulter handled himself with aplomb. He's a nationally winning Cabaret star and justly so.

Calloway is a legend in her own right. Starting with the musical Baby and continuing to work with New York up and comers to this day (Scott Alan), her voice is as sweet and crystalline as ever, whether used on duets or singing the Chenoweth inspired yodel of 'Popular'. But it's her rendition of, 'Meadowlark' which, admittedly, Schwartz likes the best out of all the divas who have ever sung it - that blows everything else away. As the composer himself admits, the reason so many female singers are drawn to it, is that 'Meadowlark' is so many things rolled into one: full character arc, tons of acting pivot points to play, vocal pyrotechnics - it is a good test of a singer and pianist as well (it's the way I test my accompanists) since the accompaniment is a bitch to play.

Gravitte was introduced as the Tony Award winning actor, and she gave a winning version of the waitress song from Working. A true, New York broad-she also sang with Schwatz on a duet and in person was absolutely lovely. She was also given Schwartz's current anthem, "Defying Gravity" to sing and told a great story about her 11 year old and menopause. With her flowing red locks and impressive stage presence, she's perfect for a Mama Rose or Mrs. Lovett - roles I hope she gets to play soon.

And of course, there was the man himself, Stephen Schwartz. He opened the show with a beautiful rendition of, "Beautiful City" from Godspell and interspersed the show with duets and in a sweet surprise, 'Forgiveness' Embrace.' (a song I often sing for church service) He also gave a short workshop on the evolution of 'the Wizard and I' - and even in this, listening to his inflections, I found where he wanted emphasis and he definitely puts a breath before the last "good" in Wizard and I. Schwartz's voice is obviously not as refined as his stage counterparts, but he has a soul and it's true and slightly Country with a yodel when he switches to falsetto. One of Schwartz's greatest gifts is to be the Obama of musical theater. He is constantly writing about and emphasizing humanity's ability to be great, to find spirituality and faith in god. Often he does this by contrasting it with the more subversive parts of humanity, but with an understanding that it is all the same thing and it is within all of us to choose. Choose the path we take, and we can take the high road.

To close out, and here, even Schwartz sheepishly admitted he knew he was going to do an encore, he sang his version of 'For Good'. What's most important to Schwartz in this song? The "handprint on my heart" line - he sang it slightly sweeter and with a lovely smile. Inspired by his teenage daughter, this song evokes the musical's actual theme more than any of the others. It fully realizes that we will never be in the places that our lives are in today without knowing all the people we know along they way-good or bad. And what seems bad can turn out to be good. Then, all three singers came back out for a gospel stirring rendition of, "Someday" - a song that was eventually cut from 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'. Versions by Laurie Beechman can be found on YouTube.

Of course we were given the opportunity to do a quick meet and greet with the artists - for the low low price (I'm being sarcastic) of $20 a cd. Which did a pretty brisk business. One of the coolest moments of my life will be going up to Liz Calloway and asking her to sign my cd, telling her I admire her work with Scott Alan and her Swan Princess (hey, I was 14 - gimme a break) And having her look at me and go, "You're a singer, aren't you?" And then getting to meet Shwartz himself. He was visibly and vocally upset about California's recent decision on Prop 8, quoting Melissa Etheridge's bold threat to not pay her state taxes. I didn't know what to say. I feel for all of my friends and family members who are gay and I certainly voted No on Prop 8 - but I wanted to tell this man that he changed my life and he was so upset. Then I remembered, this is what he's about. The good fight, doing what's right, the justice for others and being so concerned and heartbroken about it, that a signing session was not front in his mind. But I asked to shake his hand, and he broke out of his reverie and did it, with a firm hold and a gentle smile.

At the end of the day, that's what the world needs.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

sidenote.

btw:

have you ever been watching a youtube clip or something online and thought, "that bitch is totally going to end up doing porn!!!"

???

i just did. i've never had that experience before. weird.

29 going on 15

Hey blogosphere, how you doin'?

Ok, I don't really talk like that. But after a morning of watching mind numbing YouTube clips, I happened upon the Vlog of Kat Dennings **. Who at age 22 (wow, my brain is having a really hard time with math this morning) is irreverent and engaging. And she talks like that. And it makes me think, I had much more of a solid opinion about the world when I was 22. I think I was more interesting when I was 22; more excited and more interested in doing stuff. Able to stay up late and be wacky and crazy. I don't know what it is about being 7 years older that all of a sudden makes me as plain jane as a white bread cheese sandwich.

And then yesterday, on the train down to the Victoria - I happened upon the 15 year old version of myself. You know when people say, gosh, I wish I could go back in time and talk to myself. This was exactly like that. She was like almost any other Asian American teen in San Francisco. My upbringing was far from stylish. It was a daily uniform of ill fitting jeans, oversized tee shirt and well-worn sneakers. Glasses. Long hair, swept back into a utilitarian, but poorly contained ponytail. A smattering of acne on a moon shaped face. And, most significant, the indignant chin and sure speech of a know it all.

This was me at 15. The self-esteem based in, "I don't care what I look like," - I'm smart and feisty and a woman on the verge of doing something great. I read a lot and I sound like I know what I'm talking about, so people value me for that. I eat what I want, because I'm healthy. I'm good with a quick quip and knowing right from wrong. Poetry written in awful prose, hidden on the side of my desk. Loving pop music, secretly wishing to be indie. To be popular. To be accepted. Doodles, doodles everywhere. Letters written daily to friends, folded up into neat little packages - wondering what is going on with the world. Why people love, why people hate, why people need to eat those dehydrated cheese fries.

I think that was the reason I glommed onto her conversation in the first place. This girl was obviously the Queen Bee of her little threesome. The one sitting, facing the other two. Matter-of-fact. Talking about some guy at her school who had obviously done something not kosher, and she told him off for it. Yeah, so me at at 15.

Again and again, she brought my eyes to her. Not so much crying out, but wanting to be recognized for her sensibility. Her incredible sense for knowing the path of RIGHTNESS. Needing the approval and fellowship of her peers. Then my eyes swept to the reflection in the window to the left. Still young, but so much more comfortable in her own skin. Knowing that there is no right and wrong, only a perspective. Slimmer. Quieter. Chin positioned slightly down - eyes focused, just as analytical but without the keen intellectualized frame of glasses. Shoulders pushing back, seeking respite from the roundess of computer enhanced posture. Ponytail masking the overteased mess from the lingerie clad raunch from the night before. Not so fearful, more of an ease of acceptance. In what will be, will be. The 29 year old me, meets the 15 year old me. And laughs with joy. At the person she hopes she will become.

Sometimes I wish I still had the brio of the 15 year old me. The NEED to tell people what was wrong with their view of the world a la Penny style. These days, my overwhelming desire to have all options open to me can put me into a tailspin of indecisiveness, that hopefully comes off as Zen-monk like, but is really the fear of what my two cents means. Ok, maybe I'm not THAT boring. But I do realize my ability to withstand and hold a conversation these days has dwindled to nil. Especially on show days; a ton of people are scampering around the dressing rooms and I'm finding it difficult to slap on my makeup. Lethargy is my middle name.

Perhaps I shall change it to Brio.

**(Which also makes me realize, I never wrote a review of 'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist' - mainly cause I often base a lot of personal decisions off of the opinions of friends - which is somewhat sophomoric and STUPID to do. I know this. But finally, here's my review. I thought the movie was sweet and Kat Dennings the standout. Michael Cera played.... unfortunately... Michael Cera. You know, the sweet, humble, gentle, metro guy. The one you totally had a bff crush on in high school who ended up dating the total BIATCH, because he never thought he was good enough. J. does not like the soundtrack, I do. RedHen did not like the premise of the movie at all. I say, at least some teenager does not get fertilized from one night of bored/drunken sex. The only thing that confused and concerned me was, how do all these high school teenagers get into these clubs effortlessly? And play gigs there? I don't think that's kosher in any part of the country, much less Manhattan. And maybe the movie was contrived for the wannabe hipster generation, but I thoroughly liked it. So there. neener. I am waiting to see, 'Zack and Miri' when I have a free moment.)

ps. the last time I chewed gum, I fear I may have given myself lockjaw. I hadn't eaten gum in like ten years. Literally. So from now on, there will be no gum chewed by me. But it takes me back to being 10 and getting a pack of gum every week and chewing a piece of day. And I was like a machine. Paradise Punch was my poison. And if they still made it, I'd be in trouble.

pps. I got cast in 'Nine' at CCCT. Exciting! And my new best friend, our director, sent me a link for all these awesome B'Way scores available for download online. Yeah!

pss. I need to get my ass out of bed. Seriously. It's 11am

ppss. I get to see Stephen Schwartz at BBBay today! It's a momentous occasion! I told someone lately that he was my personal hero. And he totally is, but that statement may have gone a little overboard to relay the fact that I really really didn't want to drive out to Livermore at 8am on a Saturday again.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Do you hear what I hear?

Tonight, yes we did.
For the state of a nation, tears of joy.
Through the night. Do they know? A hundred different cars on the freeway. Do they know? Toddler asleep, safe and buckled, warm and sweet Do you know? I'll sing tomorrow, with joy. Because you are free little one. We are free.


338 Electoral Votes.
~Barack Hussein Obama ~
44th President of the United States of America
******************************************************************

Ahah! From MyMomIsAFob.com

Desperate voicemail from Mom:

I check mail and see bank statement…someone stole your $200!!!! Call bank!!!!! He put name as Gary Danko.

I call her back:

Mom…Gary Danko is a restaurant in San Francisco…

And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free.

Ok...I totally clicked on Blogger's Blogs of Notes for today and found this amazing site:

The One Minute Writer

The premise is simple, the author gives you a prompt and a 60 second YouTube countdown clock to write whatever you feel on the topic. You can post it in the comments section or keep it for personal reflection. Today's prompt:

What would you tell an 18-year-old American to encourage them to vote today?

It's your godforsaken right. It's your chance to finally do something that screams, "adulthood". There are people in this country who were persecuted that don't have the right to vote anymore. Like Wen Ho Lee. And I'm sure he's pissed. Just go out and exercise your own mind man. I know it's hard. but do it. whew.

I guess I could have been more eloquent, but whatever, it's 60 seconds. I also found a great quote, "The world is run by the people who show up." Just by being there, you have a %100 greater chance of making a difference than the people who didn't. Here are some other thoughts.

SanyuSays said... If you do not exercise your rights, what is to keep them from being taken away? If you wont even represent yourself, why would anybody else have the desire to?

zeke said... Voting is the most sacred duty that we have as Americans. It is our moment as individuals to directly affect the destiny of the entire country. To relinquish that power is to make the statement that you do not matter, that your voice should be silent.

Lady with a View said... It is your responsiblity to be informed and to vote - it isn't just your right. You owe it to the people who died for your right to live here - to be free - to worship (or not worship) as you desire. It is your legacy - what will define how future generations see this generation...and yes...you are apart of this generation.

VDL said... I would tell them that this is a time of change that very clearly defines what will happen in our Nation and the rest of the world. Their vote gives them an opportunity to have an identity, be heard and to be a part of history. I would also help them understand history and link it to thei daily experience. That would certainly get them out to vote.

Cyndi Mulligan said... “Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." ~John Adams
Overwhelmingly, the admonition here is to take up your privilege and vote responsibly. Take it for granted by ignoring it, and you may lose this precious right.

Monday, November 3, 2008

cute pwns sleep

I need to take a shower and I need to go to bed and I can't....

Why?
Why?
Why?

THIS IS WHY.

Live video by Ustream

Damn you Wen. Damn you.
Live Feed Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Blogs for Obama




He's like fucking Gavin Rossdale or Prince. He's rockin' out, in the RAIN. In Virginia.

"You don't need to boo.
You just need to vote."
- Barack Obama

"It doesn't matter. We're all Americans."

Seriously you guys. Tomorrow, it's easy. Next year you can even vote absentee like me. Which is even easier. You can take four DAYS to vote. In your pjs. On the couch. Eating brownies. Farting.

I'll fart with you.
Let's change the face of American politics.
vote.

video via Gates @ Hellafied

Sunday, November 2, 2008

elephants



If the elephants have past lives,
Yet are destined to always remember,
It's no wonder how they scream,
Like you and I, they must have some temper.

And I am dreaming of them on the plains,
Dirtying up their beds,
Watching for some kind of rain
To cool their hot heads.

And how dare that you send me that card
When I'm doing all that I can do.
You are forcing me to remember
When all I want is to just forget you.

If the tiger shall protect her young,
Then tell me how did you slip by.
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night.

And I am dreaming of them with their kill,
Tearing it all apart,
Blood dripping from their lips,
And teeth sinking in to heart.

And how dare that you say you will call,
When you know I need some peace of mind..
If you had to take sides with the animals,
Won't you do it with one who is kind?

If the hawks in the trees need the dead,
If you're living you don't stand a chance.
For a time, though you share the same bed,
There are only two ends to this dance.

You can flee with your wounds just in time,
Or lie there as he feeds,
Watching yourself ripped to shreds
And laughing as you bleed.

So for those of you falling in love,
Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right.
Throw yourself in the midst of danger,
But keep one eye open at night.

It's been one of those weekends; that passes you in the blink of an eye. And you hardly remember what you did or what it was for, but you think you did well. And you are thankful, but at the same time, falling down a marble well. Slipping & sliding and unable to find a handhold, to catch your breath. So do you let go? Slide into oblivion? Or continue to claw as the whiteness goes streaking by?

I love this song, by Rachel Yamagata. But don't take it literally, I just like it.

Moi aussi!

20 something. Singer/designer/blogger. My last blog is now permanently lost in the ether, but I've been writing online since 1995. And so it begins...

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