Unlikely adoration?

Today's Quote:
If someone says:
"That's impossible."
You should understand it as:
"According to my very limited experience and narrow understanding of reality, that's very unlikely."
via Unicornology

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This holiday holds some new experiences for me. In the last 8 years of my exodus from college, I've never felt like I needed to hold back from showing the people around me, materially, that they matter. I've held elaborate dinner parties, stood in line at electronic stores and purchased over the-top items...all in the name of L-O-V-E.

It's not about showing off or status, at least I didn't think it was, but it was more about giving back to people that I truly cared about. The people that showed me over and over again that I was loved and thought about. But do we really need to keep doing that? Does a show of immaterial adoration count for nothing? I watched a special on 20/20 last night about American couples who adopt older children from impoverished nations and the painful process of disruption - which is literally, after going through extensive adoption procedures and an extended home stay, the parents giving up their children either to the state or to special programs. A major reason in a lot of these cases is because the children suffer from behavior problems.

Most of the story focused on three adoptive children from a family in Tampa who were all "older" adoptions. And get this, the parents got older kids because they didn't want to deal with late night feedings or changing diapers. Originally from Russia, all three ended up being sent to a special camp where things like chores, structure and discipline were emphasized after becoming problem kids at home. Things like: waking up at 7am, weeding the yard, cooking, athletic activity were juxtaposed with horseback riding, swimming and eating together. And yet, in this environment, so different from their plush and decadent lifestyle in Tampa, the kids thrived. And the most important statement to come out of the whole thing? 16 year old Margarita who said, "[Elena] is a spoiled brat. Whenever they want to praise us, they take us shopping."

Wow, talk about a wake-up call. The parents seemed to think that they were welcoming the kids into a kind of Disneyland magic that would so compensate for their adoptees horrible childhood that it would wipe out bad memories completely. So intent on showering them with American riches, they forgot the fundamental and basic steps of parenting. Kids need love, understanding and structure. I got more and more upset while watching, thinking these two clueless people were unfit parents. That at 16 years old, Margarita had a better grasp at what makes a true family. But that wouldn't be fair either.

New parents have to learn as much as children do, that they are not perfect. And materialism can never replace spending time with someone. Children are not pets to be pampered and preened as show dogs. They are people who have their own individual personalities and thoughts. At the end of the day, it's not about a new dress or bag or food - it's about a hug and a reassurance that it's all going to be alright.

I say this right before accompanying my mother to her mecca for the year; the Annual SF Sample Sale. As each year has passed, I've been less and less inspired to go. Receiving an email today from a friend that stated: "Have fun at the sample sale, you always do." hit a dissonant chord. I'm not made of money, I'm smart with what I spend and have cut back on pretty much everything. And yet, all my friends think I do is shop. I don't know if this is a commentary on needing to change my life or their misconceptions. And it's disheartening that your friends put you into a little box because you know what designer is doing what. Just because I know that Sigerson Morrison designed the new shoe line at Target, doesn't mean that I own a pair of their $300 flats. These days, when I walk out of a store having purchased nothing because images of my closet swim in front of my eyes, I pat myself on the back. I may peruse online sites, but that's because it's eye candy. An easy way to see what is popular without actually purchasing anything. And yet, still, I am "Penny the Shopper."

This year, my brother wants me to take him and his friend to the airport for Christmas. My parents, being born in the Year of the Rat, will want either nothing or something fairly over the top (ie. tickets to Teatro Zinzanni). My little cousins are caught up in Jonas Bros everything, except for the one emo cousin who could probably use some Soundgarden. Immaterial adoration, is it possible? Sounds like plain old love to me.

From Russia with Love: Dealing with Difficult Adoptions