fucktards

Ok…the most annoying thing happened to me today.

I sang at church in the morning, which is something that I absolutely love. First of all, I get to perform for people. Service is now later in the morning and there’s only one service, but I still get the same pay. And yes, I love LOVE the spirituality and message that I get at this particular church. I get back as much as I give; I have always had a good time singing there and the congregation is warm, welcoming and kind.

So I often go into church incredibly open and responsive. Some may call it being vulnerable, but in order to be a great artist – you have to be receptive to your environment and how it informs your performance. (I hesitate to use words like “craft” or “art” –but I’m close to using them) It’s wonderful to receive people’s praise and thanks and it’s great to give it back.

Imagine my surprise today, then, when this weird shit happened after service:

Approaching Random Dude: “Oh! (takes my hands) You’re a doll! You have a wonderful voice.”
Me: Thank you! Thanks for coming to service today!
RD: You’re beautiful, are you married?!? (looks at my hand)
Me: Uhm..haha (laughs nervously) no.
RD: Because, I mean, Asian women are so amazing. I have a friend, down in Santa Cruz – who is totally looking for an Asian wife. I mean, he would love to have an Asian wife. He’s always saying he wants an Asian girl to marry.
Me: Ummm…haha (looking for the closest exit) thank you?
RD: Cause Asian girls are so cute. He really wants to marry an Asian.
Me: I’m not sure whether to be flattered or offended.
RD: Oh, don’t be like that.
Me: Well – uh – heh heh.
RD: Cause you know, when I saw you there. I thought of my friend. There’s something about Asian girls that don’t have accents that’s just mmph! Like, you don’t have an accent. You were born here right? Yeah, so it’s just so attractive to see Asian women with no accents!
Me: Well, this is San Francisco – so there are a lot more of us. I mean at least in my generation.
RD: Yeah! But still, you don’t see a whole lot of that.
Me: Well, you’re probably going to see more cause you know…[then I saw my friend Zac and immediately FLED over to talk to him, essentially running my ass away from the Random Dude]

Ok. WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
I can't believe that fucktards like this EXIST! And seriously, if it hadn't really happened to me today, I wouldn't be as mad as I am. Dude, this is 2009! We are not back in the 40s and please, PLEASE do not make assumptions about people that you don’t know. I don’t walk around making assumptions about people that are Italian or Irish or Peruvian or transsexual– and yet, it’s 2009 and people are still making fucking presumptive assumptions based upon my outward appearance. I would never be as presumptive to think that his friend (based on Random Dude’s general age and appearance) is: white, fat, lazy, old and ugly and probably wants an Asian woman to fawn on his ass because he went to Thailand with a fistful of dollars and all of them scammed him for his money and he probably slept with a tranny hooker. I mean, I’m not going to assume that.

But also, what a HORRIBLE horrible place to have been assaulted like this. Within three feet of my pastor, who I KNOW heard the entire discourse. I don’t want to ever discourage people not to attend my service, because I love it, but I hope this man never shows his face again. I’m so SICK AND TIRED of people making up stuff about me because I just happen to have a certain genetic code that ties me to a particular ethnicity.

Second of all: DON'T BE LIKE THAT? Like what, prey tell?! Like I have an opinion? Like I deserve to be treated like a person and an individual and not like a grouped generality? Like I shouldn't protest when someone is being a DOUCHEBAG? It's like telling me I want to be raped or something. That it's a compliment that a white man came up to me to tell me that I'm attractive and they want to introduce me to their socially awkward, romantically insecure geekfest of a friend who desires an Asian woman...because she's exotic and totally sexually promiscuous. That I shouldn't ask or wonder if people's intentions are pure? Fuck you! Don't tell me how to think or what I should or shouldn't say!

I am proud to be Asian American – but you know what? I get to create, manifest and illuminate what that experience means to me. And until you ARE Asian American you will never know what it is like to be me. You can eat all the kim chee, watch all the Bruce Lee, practice all the martial arts/tai chi/yoga, get all the massages with the happy endings, speak all the Korean/Cantonese/Mandarin/Thai, read all the Tao Tse Ching and Confuscian thought, watch all the film festivals, learn all the tinikling and Chinese opera, write all the kanji, eat all the sushi and dim sum you want – but that will never mean that one gender or one ethnicity or ONE PERSON can be rolled up into a little ball that is completely understood by stereotypical aspects.

As an ambassador type figure for the Church, and an obvious figurehead for it’s message on this particular day, I found it hard to be rude to anyone. And yet, I wish I had. I wish I had told this man to go FUCK himself. How could anyone assume anything about anyone based on exterior appearances? He just kept emphasizing the “Asian” and “wife” as if that was the purpose of my entire existence. That I went to college, worked in a pretty fulfilling career for the last 6 years, and based my entire life around waiting for this jackass to walk into my CHURCH and tell me that a random stranger in Santa Cruz has been looking for an Asian woman to marry. I mean did he think that my reaction would be: Well, HEY! I’m Asian and that’s been the best offer I’ve had all year, so I should TOTALLY go for it, cause you know I’m not an American citizen so I need the green card.

as my friend Amosing said: Damn, girl. The crazy thing is that people don't even know that they are assholes.

Exactly: people are retarded. And they continue to pro-create. Help.