With or Without You

So a lot of you know that I've spent the last 6-8 years doing theater, a BUNCH of theater. And I've had a good time, but the winds have changed lately. The things I used to think were fun are now starting to get tedious. It's weird to look around at a group of people, laughing, making jokes and having a good time and think to yourself.
"These people are not my friends."
It's equally weird to live with someone for over a year and realize that this person is absolutely self-centered and think:
"This person is not my friend."

And it's weird to spend time with and associate with and care for people that are not my friends. These are not people who are going to visit me in the hospital, bring me chicken soup when I'm sick or help me pick up my car should it get towed. These are not people I trust, nor are they people who I think I have the same values as.
I'm hanging out with them, because I feel like I'm personally building something better. Because the people that ARE my friends weren't there today. And because people often present themselves as something they're not.

Let's be sure of something, these are people I WANTED to be friends with. But at the end of the day,  I still don't get that snarky, middle school, cooler than thou attitude. I'm such that person who takes things at face value; it's pretty naive, but I just don't get that making fun of others is that cool. I don't get that being fake to people that are trying or being two-faced to others is all that great. But it's what I'm dealing with. So I end up spending a lot of time alone. Alone because to have to deal with that fakeness is so ultimately unappealing.

Here are generally the reasons people contact me:
-They have a problem and they want someone to listen to them
-They have a problem and want me to solve it. Apparently I am now the holder of: phone numbers, bank accounts, directions and recipes
-They want to know if I can help them get something
-They want to know if I'll help them clean something, move something, organize something or produce something

They generally do NOT call me if:
-They want to hang out
-They want to go/do something cool
-They're having a party and they want me to attend

People generally treat me:
-Like I'm their servant
-Like I'm their secretary
-Like I'm dispensable
-Like I am their therapist

People do not generally treat me:
-Like I am good at what I do
-With respect
-Like I am likeable or good (unless they want something) 

It's late, I'm rambling, I just wanted someone to listen. But turns out, people are too busy talking to listen. Too busy thinking about themselves to think about others. Thanks to DC and ML who listened to me today. I wish they were still awake to talk to. I always get stuck in deep thoughts way too late at night for anyone to be out there for me to chat to. Maybe I should become friends with a insomniac...