Uovo Amore

Oh the plethora of self love on the interwebs is amazing! We oftentimes don't spend as much time loving ourselves as criticizing ourselves. Our lives center around improvement and getting ahead. But then, who knows you better than yourself? Where is your internal "Snaps Cup"? When you stop to really, REALLY look at your life, at the end of the day you want to be able to go to bed and say.

"You did good today. And you'll do better tomorrow."

I'm not talking about building yourself up in order to prep for something hard ahead like an interview or review or opening night. I'm talking about a genuine contentment, for being something great. Have you ever noticed that the things you do the best are NOT the things you never set out to do in order to BECOME something? Many times, the things you are good at are the things that you LIKE to do. And you naturally become good at them, not because you set out to be great; but being more knowledgeable made it more fun for you.

Some of the best writing I've found recently on the web on the topic of self-love:
Already Pretty's Case for Self Love

People love you. They do, and they always will. But in the end, you must be your own champion. The only person who can truly teach the world about your marvelous, sensual, graceful, unique, lovely, and undeniably beautiful self is YOU. When you believe you’re beautiful, the world believes right along with you.
Loving yourself is hard. It’s work. It’s never-ending and there are a thousand forces working against your success. But believe me when I say it is worth the effort. You are worth the effort. Put that effort forth and you will be dazzled by the world of opportunity that unfolds before you.

And Gala Darlings' Stop the Madness!

Until we can all learn to accept & EMBRACE our bodies as the FLAWED MIRACLES that they are, this nonsense will continue. As long as you buy tabloids which speculate about celebrity weight gain or loss, we are all suckers. As long as you participate in “body snark”, discuss the appearance of other people, or give a crap about what size pants you wear, you are totally & 100% buying into it!
The bottom line: if you don’t let people know that their behaviour won’t be tolerated, nothing will change. Set an example! It’s easy to say you’ll do these things, but when you step away from your computer, will you make those changes in the real world? I’m going to start right now.

Radical self-hate is bullshit, & standing by & being a silent witness to it is almost as bad.

So get to know yourself. Really dig in there. Remember when Julia Roberts in "Runaway Bride" would change her egg preference based upon the man she was dating? And she finally sat down with a bunch of different eggs to figure out how she actually liked them? I think a lot of us are constantly caught up in this swing. As an actor, I'm asked to play a lot of different roles, so it behooves me to be flexible. But in real life, we are most drawn to the others around us that make genuine, sure choices.

How do you like your eggs?

my life is never boring.

I'm finding it interesting that I have to reconcile the fact that I am performing in "Jerry Springer - the Opera" in September/October and my uncle just liked:

JESUS IS LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you know this is true press like. :) on ♥.

on Facebook. BTW, his son is my cousin who is currently engaged to a transgender woman (born a man) currently going through the hormone/surgery process to become fully transexual. And my uncle is the black sheep of our California liberal family.

my life...is never boring.

The view from here.

Alright, enough Debbie Downer for now. The new greatest thing is not to bitch about my issues, but find out a way to deal with them and even to make them (gasp!) pleasurable or at least learning experiences. After all...it's just work.

Modern American society tells us to value work and to constantly be wracking our brains about our jobs - even when the day is over. It's no wonder that our focus has turned from our family and community to our jobs. And why places like Google thrive - they have essentially tapped into the human need for family by creating it at work. Now, if you work at huge megaplexes like Pixar (which I love, don't get me wrong) or Google, you never even have a need to leave work. You can do everything short of getting a good night's sleep at work. Conglomerates find it an essential part of overall planning to provide: gyms, childcare, healthy nutritious affordable food, and transportation as well as retirement and health plans. It takes us back to the days when your father was a carpenter, so you were a carpenter and therefore your children would be carpenters. This artificial fabrication of family is our modern American kibbutz; these days woe to the person who does not socialize with their co-workers outside the office and fie on anyone who treats the work day as a work day.

It's no wonder that people sometimes go postal when they get laid off or fired. I mean, you might as well have disowned them Don Corleone style. This can also make many office events feel contrived and geared towards creating connection - or as the 'Stache used to call it, "mandated fun, wheee!"

Via my galpal Elly: from the Worry Isn't Work (Harvard Business Blog)

What does re-thinking mean in this case? Start thinking of being hard on yourself as being irresponsible. Start thinking of wasting half of your brain power on fantasies about your own destruction as self-indulgent. Conflate self-negativity with laziness. Start thinking of time for yourself as being responsible. Start thinking of a healthy mid-day meal as essential to your productivity, time away from your desk as productive.

How much time do you spend thinking about work - even outside of work? And how much do we commend others around us for spending more time working. Often times, our relaxation and refresh time is just as important as working time. These days, working isn't about working longer or even harder- that much has been proven true - it's about working better.

Work bitches, work.

paper cuts.

Can somebody please, PLEASE teach me how to like filing?

I hate filing with a passion. Because it's a ridiculously tedious amount of work (PDF/hard copies/email/signatures) for something that does not gain any recognition nor does it give me any personal pleasure. Because there is always more. And it can be physically grueling. And anal retentive. And degrading. Nobody finds any value in filing, until you can't find something.

I hate filing. I hate it so much. I hate it more than washing dishes. I wish we could just hire a filing clerk.

Paper cuts.

We were the queens and kings of promise...

Just finished reading both of these, as you may have guessed, I've been incredibly distracted lately by the ways that people work together. And there's always been an interest in people's personal psychology; how is it that a country that banded together to elect a black president is the same group of people that will call to ban a house of worship two blocks from the World Trade Center and call it democratic or patriotic? The same country that can send millions of dollars to earthquake relief in Haiti still be in denial about a toxic oil flume under our Gulf Coast and our national addiction to oil.

I'm still trying to get over the drama queens in rehearsal for crying out loud.

Still, I'm glad to know that life is not pre-destined for any of us. However much Gladwell would like to state that we are circumstantial by-products of our environment - I'd also like to point out that at any time we have a choice to be or not to be what is laid out ahead of us. We can choose the proverbial road less taken. I can choose to stop sleeping in, choose to hang out with the people I really want to see, make the hard changes - but I have to be willing to do the work. We cannot know the greatest love without also knowing the most aggregious pain or loss. They are related as our emotions are directly related to the depths of our own personal experience.

Both books remind me that Success (with the big "S") is not necessarily the result of wealthy parents, above board intelligence or an idiot savant related talent (although those help). It is also directly related to our willingness to want to focus on a single goal and to have many of our life paths, hobbies and everyday tasks take their lead from that goal. My voice builder, a superstar and incredible artist in his own life, encouraged each of his students to spend at least 20 minutes out of every day on our career as a preliminary training wheel for success. These days I spend much more time - probably 2-3 hours a day doing something towards my vocal training. These are not necessarily hours spent with drills or learning songs, sometimes they are in rehearsals, doing vocal warm ups in the shower or car, doing something to adjust my physical alignment (like Alexander work, pilates or yoga) listening to new music, spending an hour on the phone with a coach, chatting industry with a friend. The most interesting thing you'll find is that the more time you spend in your industry of choice, the easier it becomes to spend time on it. Like most diets - the most successful ones are not part time or temporary affairs but rather full lifestyle changes.
Check out Tim Ferriss' post on the Superstar Effect.

Anyway, I can't recommend either of the books highly enough. As usual, Gladwell provides a plethora of facts, indices and statistics gleaned from worldwide studies to prove each of his individual thoeries on success. And even uses his own ancestral life story to provide a thought-provoking anecdote on the road to a million dollar book deal and cultural/intellectual super stardom. Rework, written by the startup founders of 37signals (Basecamp) is a quickie advice guide for the modern project manager/company starter written in short, illustrated segments. Breaking all the established rules of modern management or business intelligensia, Rework is an invigorating new look at a way to run a company. Simple things like: optimize for today (don't always plan for 3 million page views later), keep everyone from engineer to CEO on the front lines and hire slowly and if you can, intimately.

Rework also states this on the value of writing:

If you are trying to decide among a few people to fill a position, hire the best writer...That's because being a good writer is about more than writing. Clear writing is a sign of clear thinking. Great writeres know how to communicate. they make things easy to understand. They can put themselves in someone else's shoes. They know what to omit. And those are qualities you want in any candidate...

So maybe these days, we should start to rename our Language Arts classes or Literature classes as "Communications" classes. When kids get the idea that knowing each part of a sentence and how it is structured is just as important as the idea - when the craft becomes just as complex and well thought out as the concept - we have the power to build empires.

And after all - we do want to understand each other don't we?

the age of Man is over
A darkness comes and all
The lessons that we've learned here
Have only just begun
We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
between Heaven and Hell.

(I have also recently become obcessed with the EPICRAWK of 30 Seconds to Mars...honestly, but it also makes me think of Les Miserables or something similarly hugely orchestral like Beethoven's 5th)

cheerio.

Photo via GalaDarling

Wow...Saturday Jane said it best:

What it boils down to is this: I am okay with my body, but I don’t want other people to know that I am okay with my body, because then they will notice it, and what if they discover something that is not okay? And then if they think I am okay with something that really isn’t okay, they’ll think I’m a snob, or a bitch. They’ll think I’m one of those blindly self-praising girls who thinks she’s all that. They’ll tell everybody else that that’s what I am. A girl who thinks she is all that, when I am not all that at all, I’m not even a little bit that! And then everyone will talk about me behind my back and I’ll never get asked to prom and nobody will ever approve my housing loans.

I am not afraid of people thinking I am ugly.

I am afraid of people thinking that I am presumptuous.

This is why I am eager to beat The Universe to the punch, to explain that oh, no, don’t worry. I know my nose is weird and blobby and crooked. I get that my fingers are the size and shape of chewed-on cigars. It’s cool. I’m cool. I don’t think I’m ‘above my station’ or anything. I’m being realistic here.

And the really weird thing?

This is the way that I think women in our society are often taught to feel and act about ourselves. Once, while at a pool party - I was headed out to an event afterwards and Panda complimented me on my dress. My reaction? To look down at it, shrug and say that it had been purchased at Ross. Panda automatically pointed out that my immediate reaction was not to accept the compliment but to deflect it as something less. It's not that we don't think we look good and strive to look good. It's the fear that someone will think that we are arrogant and stuck up because we look good.

Because nothing is more hateful than the mean girl.

But there is a very fine line between the mean girl and the confident girl.
And sometimes, in someone else's light - we feel like there is some sort of lack of it for ourselves. So we seek to diminish that light, because of the perceived idea that we are somehow less when someone that we see - especially if that person is close to us - somehow has found the answer to being greater.
Let me repeat this: there is nothing wrong about loving the people around us that are amazing and wonderful and stupendous.
Because that means that we are surrounded by teachers, guides and the people who are most like us.
Like attracts like.
So if you believe that all of your friends are wonderful, beautiful, ticklish people who inspire and move you, you are in quite good company.
If you aren't...it might be time to look at yourself.

Who do we love? We love Chelsea Handler for burping, swearing and awesome shoe wearing her way to a successful slew of books and a late night talk show. We love Michelle Obama for not letting her impeccable sense of style and defined upper arms get in her way of public policy or national health. We love the Kates (Blanchett, Winslet, Beckinsale, Austin, Hepburn and Hudson) for kicking ass, playing soulful intellectual, sexy, loving whole women with take no prisoners attitudes. We love: Aretha, Beyonce, Gaga, Madonna, Jlo for creating empires. We love Margaret Cho for obvious reasons. We love the girl next door.

Also: why have I not been reading "Chicken Soup for the Dorky Soul"? This one breaks my heart...

And AHEM: This is totally amazing! TOTALLY! LOVE BOMB!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the Angry Asian

I've just gotten so lazy lately, I've taken to just posting the interesting IM conversations I have with co-workers...

VoLtron: kung pao chicken
me: your mom
VoLtron: was that the part that bothered you in scott pilgrim?
me: no the "she's Chinese" and "Should you even be dating outside of your race?" and the utter This Stereotype is So 10 Years Ago and has been Beat to Death Already
and Scott is stupid and shallow for dating Knives in the first place
and then he leads her on
and leaves her for the "cool" white girl
VoLtron: did you like the movie?
me: I think I could have if they hadn't made the Knives character so clowny to juxtapose with how cool Ramona is. Like Ramona will sleep with Scott on the first date Scott won't sleep with Knives because she's totally naive and juvenile.
I know she's a character but it colored all of my feelings about the movie and made me feel bitter because...I dunno, it's all the feelings I have about being an Asian female who dates both white and Asian guys and all the hate I get poured on me when I do date white guys. Like I relate more to Ramona but I feel like people see me as the Knives and...I'm just tired of fighting what I look like on the outside because people are too assbackwards to see the inside. I know that you guys really liked it but I feel like the character has the potential to set Asian females back another 5-6 years. I mean...why can't I be a combination of the two? Completely articulate, cool, good at video games AND Asian?
VoLtron: did you read the books? (i have a lot of thoughts on this issue, but i'm still thinking about how you and i approached this movie)
me: no, and I think that's a problem too. so many times, movies are squished together edited versions of much more well-written tomes and the Hollywood producers and editors try to find the essence of a film and then put that on screen (like Harry Potter)
so you're really only getting the basest shards of a character but look at all the hate asian women have been getting on screen lately
(other than Lost)
Cho Chang
Knives Chau
Lady DeathStryke
Asian women are no more deserving of love, respect or affection because of their stereotype as gold digging, superficial man stealers. Just ONCE give me an example of a redeeming Asian female character on screen who doesn't get screwed over or dumped.
Maybe that chick from that weird Conjoined twins baseball movie
I've thought a lot about this, can you tell?
are you writing the editorial?
VoLtron: ok, let's first talk about the movie
I can see why that would be irritating. Knives’ background is more fleshed out in the book, but this background more reinforces the stereotypes so I guess I was used to/prepared for her treatment in the movie the kung pao chicken line, however, is new. I can see how they threw that in to heighten reality (last boss is a dick), but, for me, all it did was INTRODUCE reality into the movie
me: I don't even remember that line
VoLtron: hahaha
me: where was that line?
VoLtron: gideon calls knives "kung pao chicken"
me: he does? when?
VoLtron: right before the final fight
me: oh...huh
VoLtron: i thought that line overall was an unecessary risk
but the books are pretty juvenile. like, there wasn't a scene in the where wallace's sexuality wasn't brought up, same as the book
me: yes
I suppose you could watch the movie from that perspective as well
I think, though, in spite of Wallace's sexuality
he's still presented as a likable voice of reason
VoLtron: you didn't find Knives likable?
me: not til the end
I found her embarrassing to watch, though, not ridiculous til after Scott dumps her
VoLtron: i don't think the movie was careless in its treatment. i think it's more of a representation of these racisms that are hardwired into our psyche through pop culture
me: it's hard to watch onscreen, and hard to know that these stereotypes are still the ones being financed and to not be that
VoLtron: well, i don't think they're even aware these issues exist
for example, in juno
me: but to know that there is a certain demographic that will watch this movie and believe that
VoLtron: in juno, there's a scene where ellen page is talking about her ideal parent for the baby and she says "a graphic designer with an asian girlfriend" it's a throwaway line, it's not played for laughs or even to hurt, but the scary/funny thing is how quickly the audience understands the meaning of this phrase the asian girlfriend repesents "clean, discreet taste"
me: yes
VoLtron: she's objectified to the point where ellen page could've just said "a graphic designer who skateboards"
me: it's understood that there is a certain aesthetic to having an Asian significant other
VoLtron: but, again, i don't think these statements are made out of malice
me: no
VoLtron: they're just what people know and what people write
me: but that aesthetic is unfair
I mean, replace Asian with Jewish
VoLtron: well, that's what happens when you're born white and born at the top
me: and see how many people react
yep so what are your feelings about the movie?
VoLtron: i looooooved it
i had so much fun
me: Hamster and Wannamaker and I discussed it a little yesterday
VoLtron: tbh, a lot of the dynamic between scott and knives i saw a lot of with my previous relationship, i think so i was definitely more emotionally invested in it
me: I think...I enjoyed most of the parts of Scott Pilgrim that did not have to do wtih Knives til the very end. I would have loved her to help Scott kick Gideon's ass because he's a douche bag
VoLtron: what if knives were black?
would that make you change how you saw her character
me: yes
because a) all the jokes about her being Asian wouldn't have been made
and b) I wouldn't have related to her so much
but I think Hollywood also wanted the effect of making that charcter Asian
as did the original writer/cartoonist
which is raging fan girl combined with deadly cuteness
irrational
VoLtron: bryan lee o'malley is white/korean, and he married a white girl
just putting it out there
me: well
then less power to him to writing a character that brings down his Asian sisters
just because someone is half asian doesn't make it right
VoLtron: it doesn't
he's pretty whitewashed
but so am i
so whatever
me: grr...someone ate cereal
and didn't wash their bowl
VoLtron: i bet it was Wannamaker
me: nope, I have a sneaking suspicion it was Dail
I'm going to give him til the end of the day to wash it
I see everything, ahah
Wannamaker always washes his dishes. I gave him crap once and he never did it again
VoLtron: haha, taskmaster
me: totally
see?
fear the Irate Asian
VoLtron: oh you people are so cute when you're mad
there, there
me: KAWAAIII CHOP!
VoLtron: shoryuken reversal!
me: shoyu reversal?