sidenote.

btw:

have you ever been watching a youtube clip or something online and thought, "that bitch is totally going to end up doing porn!!!"

???

i just did. i've never had that experience before. weird.

29 going on 15

Hey blogosphere, how you doin'?

Ok, I don't really talk like that. But after a morning of watching mind numbing YouTube clips, I happened upon the Vlog of Kat Dennings **. Who at age 22 (wow, my brain is having a really hard time with math this morning) is irreverent and engaging. And she talks like that. And it makes me think, I had much more of a solid opinion about the world when I was 22. I think I was more interesting when I was 22; more excited and more interested in doing stuff. Able to stay up late and be wacky and crazy. I don't know what it is about being 7 years older that all of a sudden makes me as plain jane as a white bread cheese sandwich.

And then yesterday, on the train down to the Victoria - I happened upon the 15 year old version of myself. You know when people say, gosh, I wish I could go back in time and talk to myself. This was exactly like that. She was like almost any other Asian American teen in San Francisco. My upbringing was far from stylish. It was a daily uniform of ill fitting jeans, oversized tee shirt and well-worn sneakers. Glasses. Long hair, swept back into a utilitarian, but poorly contained ponytail. A smattering of acne on a moon shaped face. And, most significant, the indignant chin and sure speech of a know it all.

This was me at 15. The self-esteem based in, "I don't care what I look like," - I'm smart and feisty and a woman on the verge of doing something great. I read a lot and I sound like I know what I'm talking about, so people value me for that. I eat what I want, because I'm healthy. I'm good with a quick quip and knowing right from wrong. Poetry written in awful prose, hidden on the side of my desk. Loving pop music, secretly wishing to be indie. To be popular. To be accepted. Doodles, doodles everywhere. Letters written daily to friends, folded up into neat little packages - wondering what is going on with the world. Why people love, why people hate, why people need to eat those dehydrated cheese fries.

I think that was the reason I glommed onto her conversation in the first place. This girl was obviously the Queen Bee of her little threesome. The one sitting, facing the other two. Matter-of-fact. Talking about some guy at her school who had obviously done something not kosher, and she told him off for it. Yeah, so me at at 15.

Again and again, she brought my eyes to her. Not so much crying out, but wanting to be recognized for her sensibility. Her incredible sense for knowing the path of RIGHTNESS. Needing the approval and fellowship of her peers. Then my eyes swept to the reflection in the window to the left. Still young, but so much more comfortable in her own skin. Knowing that there is no right and wrong, only a perspective. Slimmer. Quieter. Chin positioned slightly down - eyes focused, just as analytical but without the keen intellectualized frame of glasses. Shoulders pushing back, seeking respite from the roundess of computer enhanced posture. Ponytail masking the overteased mess from the lingerie clad raunch from the night before. Not so fearful, more of an ease of acceptance. In what will be, will be. The 29 year old me, meets the 15 year old me. And laughs with joy. At the person she hopes she will become.

Sometimes I wish I still had the brio of the 15 year old me. The NEED to tell people what was wrong with their view of the world a la Penny style. These days, my overwhelming desire to have all options open to me can put me into a tailspin of indecisiveness, that hopefully comes off as Zen-monk like, but is really the fear of what my two cents means. Ok, maybe I'm not THAT boring. But I do realize my ability to withstand and hold a conversation these days has dwindled to nil. Especially on show days; a ton of people are scampering around the dressing rooms and I'm finding it difficult to slap on my makeup. Lethargy is my middle name.

Perhaps I shall change it to Brio.

**(Which also makes me realize, I never wrote a review of 'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist' - mainly cause I often base a lot of personal decisions off of the opinions of friends - which is somewhat sophomoric and STUPID to do. I know this. But finally, here's my review. I thought the movie was sweet and Kat Dennings the standout. Michael Cera played.... unfortunately... Michael Cera. You know, the sweet, humble, gentle, metro guy. The one you totally had a bff crush on in high school who ended up dating the total BIATCH, because he never thought he was good enough. J. does not like the soundtrack, I do. RedHen did not like the premise of the movie at all. I say, at least some teenager does not get fertilized from one night of bored/drunken sex. The only thing that confused and concerned me was, how do all these high school teenagers get into these clubs effortlessly? And play gigs there? I don't think that's kosher in any part of the country, much less Manhattan. And maybe the movie was contrived for the wannabe hipster generation, but I thoroughly liked it. So there. neener. I am waiting to see, 'Zack and Miri' when I have a free moment.)

ps. the last time I chewed gum, I fear I may have given myself lockjaw. I hadn't eaten gum in like ten years. Literally. So from now on, there will be no gum chewed by me. But it takes me back to being 10 and getting a pack of gum every week and chewing a piece of day. And I was like a machine. Paradise Punch was my poison. And if they still made it, I'd be in trouble.

pps. I got cast in 'Nine' at CCCT. Exciting! And my new best friend, our director, sent me a link for all these awesome B'Way scores available for download online. Yeah!

pss. I need to get my ass out of bed. Seriously. It's 11am

ppss. I get to see Stephen Schwartz at BBBay today! It's a momentous occasion! I told someone lately that he was my personal hero. And he totally is, but that statement may have gone a little overboard to relay the fact that I really really didn't want to drive out to Livermore at 8am on a Saturday again.

Do you hear what I hear?

Tonight, yes we did.
For the state of a nation, tears of joy. Through the night. Do they know? A hundred different cars on the freeway. Do they know? Toddler asleep, safe and buckled, warm and sweet Do you know? I'll sing tomorrow, with joy. Because you are free little one. We are free.


338 Electoral Votes.
~Barack Hussein Obama ~
44th President of the United States of America
******************************************************************

Ahah! From MyMomIsAFob.com

Desperate voicemail from Mom:

I check mail and see bank statement…someone stole your $200!!!! Call bank!!!!! He put name as Gary Danko.

I call her back:

Mom…Gary Danko is a restaurant in San Francisco…

And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free.

Ok...I totally clicked on Blogger's Blogs of Notes for today and found this amazing site:

The One Minute Writer

The premise is simple, the author gives you a prompt and a 60 second YouTube countdown clock to write whatever you feel on the topic. You can post it in the comments section or keep it for personal reflection. Today's prompt:

What would you tell an 18-year-old American to encourage them to vote today?

It's your godforsaken right. It's your chance to finally do something that screams, "adulthood". There are people in this country who were persecuted that don't have the right to vote anymore. Like Wen Ho Lee. And I'm sure he's pissed. Just go out and exercise your own mind man. I know it's hard. but do it. whew.

I guess I could have been more eloquent, but whatever, it's 60 seconds. I also found a great quote, "The world is run by the people who show up." Just by being there, you have a %100 greater chance of making a difference than the people who didn't. Here are some other thoughts.

SanyuSays said... If you do not exercise your rights, what is to keep them from being taken away? If you wont even represent yourself, why would anybody else have the desire to?

zeke said... Voting is the most sacred duty that we have as Americans. It is our moment as individuals to directly affect the destiny of the entire country. To relinquish that power is to make the statement that you do not matter, that your voice should be silent.

Lady with a View said... It is your responsiblity to be informed and to vote - it isn't just your right. You owe it to the people who died for your right to live here - to be free - to worship (or not worship) as you desire. It is your legacy - what will define how future generations see this generation...and yes...you are apart of this generation.

VDL said... I would tell them that this is a time of change that very clearly defines what will happen in our Nation and the rest of the world. Their vote gives them an opportunity to have an identity, be heard and to be a part of history. I would also help them understand history and link it to thei daily experience. That would certainly get them out to vote.

Cyndi Mulligan said... “Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost." ~John Adams
Overwhelmingly, the admonition here is to take up your privilege and vote responsibly. Take it for granted by ignoring it, and you may lose this precious right.

cute pwns sleep

I need to take a shower and I need to go to bed and I can't....

Why?
Why?
Why?

THIS IS WHY.

Live video by Ustream

Damn you Wen. Damn you.
Live Feed Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Blogs for Obama

He's like fucking Gavin Rossdale or Prince. He's rockin' out, in the RAIN. In Virginia.

"You don't need to boo.
You just need to vote." - Barack Obama

"It doesn't matter. We're all Americans."

Seriously you guys. Tomorrow, it's easy. Next year you can even vote absentee like me. Which is even easier. You can take four DAYS to vote. In your pjs. On the couch. Eating brownies. Farting.

I'll fart with you.
Let's change the face of American politics.
vote.

video via Gates @ Hellafied

elephants

If the elephants have past lives,
Yet are destined to always remember,
It's no wonder how they scream,
Like you and I, they must have some temper.

And I am dreaming of them on the plains,
Dirtying up their beds,
Watching for some kind of rain
To cool their hot heads.

And how dare that you send me that card
When I'm doing all that I can do.
You are forcing me to remember
When all I want is to just forget you.

If the tiger shall protect her young,
Then tell me how did you slip by.
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night.

And I am dreaming of them with their kill,
Tearing it all apart,
Blood dripping from their lips,
And teeth sinking in to heart.

And how dare that you say you will call,
When you know I need some peace of mind..
If you had to take sides with the animals,
Won't you do it with one who is kind?

If the hawks in the trees need the dead,
If you're living you don't stand a chance.
For a time, though you share the same bed,
There are only two ends to this dance.

You can flee with your wounds just in time,
Or lie there as he feeds,
Watching yourself ripped to shreds
And laughing as you bleed.

So for those of you falling in love,
Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right.
Throw yourself in the midst of danger,
But keep one eye open at night.

It's been one of those weekends; that passes you in the blink of an eye. And you hardly remember what you did or what it was for, but you think you did well. And you are thankful, but at the same time, falling down a marble well. Slipping & sliding and unable to find a handhold, to catch your breath. So do you let go? Slide into oblivion? Or continue to claw as the whiteness goes streaking by?

I love this song, by Rachel Yamagata. But don't take it literally, I just like it.