The Curse of the Designer Eye

If you consider yourself an artist; and many of us do, writing is not just a way for us to create outlets for our emotions, but it is also the art of word combination and flow that makes poetry on the page. However, while writing, the feared and maligned "artist's critic" often rears its ugly head.

"You're not good enough."
"Why would you ever write that?"
"No one is going to read that."

It's why writing in a journal or a blog is a safety net. Rarely will people see what you write and you're selectively putting out to the world what you want them to see. But what happens when that critic's voice becomes internalized? And then YOUR voice becomes the critic's voice? I say this after a four month stint of working with a very talented but very bitter and wounded theater set designer. While her creations are something that dreams are forged from and her paint skills alone are worth odes; her verbal diarrehea left much to be desired. And it often made me wonder, are we as artist's so used to being critical of ourselves, our own worth and objectively, others - that we start to lose our grip on how our words can harm?

Some of the things our set designer has said:

• "Well, we're going to a high school production, I hope it doesn't look amateur."
• "I can't believe none of the reviewers said anything about the set. They NEVER do.
• ""The marketing for this show has been so quiet - almost non-existent! It's very sub-par compared to our last big show." (said TO our Marketing Producer)
• "Why is [the artistic director] doing that show? Doesn't he know how horrible it is?"
• "You just don't understand, I have to have a larger workspace. Isn't there something else available?"

These are all lines out of some bad dream. And yet, I assure you - she's said them all. They're petty, egotistical, arrogant and downright mean - all in turns. And yet, I sometimes get the impression that these are not out of the ordinary. Nor does she realize that anything she's saying is improper. In fact, I'm sure our designer actually thinks that the things she says are accurate assessments of situations. In her recent article about "real girls" from the blogosphere becoming famous, feted and then condemned for/ashamed of their "real girl" measurements, Gala Darling had this to say about a recent friend's experience:

But it brings up some questions, & certainly raises many insecurities. I know a girl who was hired as a “real girl” for a clothing campaign. She is gorgeous, & by the way, she is tiny. When she arrived on set, the stylist looked her up & down, stared at her boobs, & said, “I don’t know what to do with those.” The (female!) stylist continued to make disparaging remarks to her about the size of her breasts all day.

It definitely casts an ugly pallor on what is supposed to be an exciting, fun experience."

-Blogger Beautiful? An Examination of what it means to be Beautiful and Valuable in Fashion Blogging by Gala Darling

In this age of revealing everything; perhaps it is time to put away our critical eye - at least outwardly. Critics have power; because influence is power. If you have the ability to judge what others should and should not do - it becomes a rush of domination. Critical people often bulldoze the people who would balk at their criticism; because if they lose one person, they will lose them all. While it seems that everyone these days is unabashed and unafraid to be "honest" it is not an excuse to be blatantly rude. And I will tell you why.

BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.

For example, take our set designer's denunciation of our production decisions. That amateur high school show? We ended up hiring their Technical Director who saved us more than $3,000. (Set Designer's comment? "I love him, but I'm glad he never told me he had only td'ed two other shows. I would have been scared.") The set? Finally reviewed in one of the Bay Area's most well-known critic's personal blog. The "sub-par" marketing? Resulted in a profitable show, with over 3000 people seeing the show in a 4 week period, 7 Bay Area Theater Critic's Circle reviews, a Huffington Post article and mention, and countless blog kudos from near and far. The workspace? Well...let's just say we got lucky and used "The Farm."

This is why you need to count your blessings. Why you cannot face a problem as personal (as to the awful stylist - why should the shape of someone's body mean that you cannot do your job? Get creative! Accessorize! Play! Use the gift that god gave you! As Albert Einstein says, "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.")

Is that "designer's eye" the one that makes us strive for perfection at the 11th hour, the one that keeps us working and striving and doing "just ONE more thing" the same thing that keeps us alone, isolated and tormented? Are the truly successful people the ones who learn to quiet and restrain their inner critic and use it only to make the world a better place? I say this and I get this email from our Volunteer Coordinator. A 7+ year volunteer, who has always just wanted to make this little theater company the best it could be:

Dearest volunteers,

On behalf of the ROL family, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for your help ushering, selling concessions, directing patrons and for just being there to help our little company that could. I sincerely hope you enjoyed [our show] and being a part of making it all happen. Because that's what you did. Without you, we wouldn't have been able to have such smooth performances. I know I didn't get to meet every one of you, but please know that I am so very grateful that you were there.

I hope you'll be interested in ushering for future shows (you're on my list now!), and if you're interested in volunteering for positions with more commitment (backstage crew, costumes, props, fundraising, etc) feel free to contact me.

Have a wonderful summer and be on the look out for ROLT updates in the Fall.

Thank you again

That, my friends, is CLASS. For every whiny, self-absorbed Set Designer, I have my generous and caring Volunteer Coordinator. And so the world balances. But imagine, imagine if we could get past our own misgivings, our own catty opinions and diva yearnings - to create a world that all of us could live in.

Just imagine...