This about sums it up.

That's what I appreciate about the men in my life -- their masculinity. Similarly, I doubt I fill a “one of the guys” role to any of them. A male friend is not a slightly hairier substitute girlfriend. If I want to get my nails done, I’ll call a lady. If I want to talk about motherhood, I’ll call another mom. My guy friends, on the other hand, will hang out for an entire evening and never once mention anything to do with feelings. If one of them forwards me an e-mail, there’s an 85 percent probability it involves "Star Wars" and zero chance it contains a quote from Maya Angelou. If a man I'm not sleeping with tells me I'm beautiful, I believe him. I have had guy friends gallantly toss me over a shoulder and carry me through big puddles. They have, when I've been blue, asked if I needed somebody’s ass kicked. My guy friends have never asked to split an appetizer because they were really trying to stay in the Zone, nor looked at me like I was a war criminal for ordering dessert. And while I’m no fan of sweeping gender generalizations, I will note anecdotally that if you’re the sort of woman who finds fart humor hilarious, you will never lack for male companionship.

-Salon article on, "Guy Friends Rule" - Mary Elizabeth Williams.

confession.

Interwebs, I have a confession.

I don't like the Office.

is that...you know...ok? to me, it's just the show that's on before I watch, 'My Boys'. somehow it seems sacrilege to admit that.

please don't judge me.

heirloom tomatoes make me go...

"If you wake up every morning believing that you lived a charmed lifestyle, then you are truly blessed." - me

Sitting in our sunroom, completely quiet except for my neighbor puttering around in his backyard, sipping morning chai and savoring a homemade breakfast...pizza (TJ's dough, a mix of dill havarti and asiago, fresh halved mini heirloom tomatoes and a fresh egg dropped on top)

Woke up today, naturally, quarter to seven. Stared at the wall, turned on PotterCast. Realized that this is the first time in seven months, that I've listened to PotterCast. Before, I was always stuck at a desk, so I really needed something to tie me there without constant trips to the bathroom or water fountain. Having my brain try to do two things at once: draft and listen intelligently to audio commentary, is what made me tick. Providing multiple distractions actually helps me get my work done better and why giving me a deadline and making me work under pressure is always beneficial.

I talk about these people as if I know them; Melissa Anelli, John Noe, Sue Upton and Frankie Franco - the hosts of Pottercast. (Thus cementing my geek status for life, who wants to date a dyed in the wool 12 year old living in a 30 year old's body geek?!) but listening to these people who are so obviously passionate about what they do, called to mind the simple truth. That finding your "calling" is what makes you excited and alive and no one, should EVER be made to feel bad about that. It's why I get a thrill out of coaching a student to her first lead or having my cousin see and hear me play Elphaba. Because I get that way too. When I see actors let go, fully inhabit their characters a little shiver goes through my spine. When a curtain goes up, dancers stretch then set, an orchestra tunes and the spot finds it's focus...

It's home.

Slowly have started to realize what makes me tick. It's the function of acting alive. I'm content to live the rest of my regular life drama free - but I am so so happy to be in the groove of a project or role. Where people are all moving together with the same flow. When you find someone whose brain jams along to the same wavelength as yours or complimentary/harmonically with it, these are the people you are in flow with. And you don't have to force it. You can meet someone and not have flow and have it be OK.

Being around and working with people who have passion is exhilarating. And making a project go, that's amazing. Seeing a final project come to fruition after you've been pushing and pushing or diligently chipping away at an idea, is fantastic. Listening to four people speak and analyze and dissect something they all found to be at the center of their lives. that brought them together and bonded them. Created work and purpose, makes me hope that the rest of my life I will have something like this. To be part of a team that is dedicated to making something work, brilliantly. Pottercast is not going to cure cancer, it's not going to create peace in the Middle East, but JK Rowling has done something that perhaps no president (here's hoping Obama), king, prince or guru has managed to do yet. Bring people together...using language and storytelling. She has created, in the tradition of Aesop, Grimm, the Apostles etc. great stories that are equivalent to myths.

See, according to Joseph Campbell, ancient myths were not just retelling of great tales. They were testaments to the ability and inspiration of the human spirit. They were meant to be teaching tools; that great things are possible. Heroes are people too, but they go through a transformation that makes them more than mortal - less than god. In this way, we bring ourselves, "closer to god". (NIN)

Sometimes when you hear a great symphonic work and there's some dissonance, it's interesting, for some people it's the best part - the part they could listen to over and over again. For other people it's the swelling of the strings, the clear bell tones from the French horns or the boisterous metallic sounds of the brass. Maybe it's that little piccolo. A symphony is a good example of how to make the world go round, with the Universal higher up as our conductor. Only problem is that there are always way too many people competing for the job. But it's why we have different orchestras.

You've got to find what makes you tick, whether it be making a ton of money or making lifelong connections. Finding a guru or finding true love. Creation or dissection. It's all in the world, it's what makes life beautiful.

My review of the HP Soundtrack up later...

I obey the law of gravity...

Late have I loved thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved thee! For behold, thou wert within me and I outside; and I sought thee outside and in my unloveliness fell upon these lovely things that thou has made. thou wert with me and I was not with thee. I was kept from thee by those things, yet had they not been in thee, they would not have been at all. Thou didst call and cry to me and break open my deafness;...I tasted thee, and now hunger and thirst for thee; thou didst touch me, and now I burn for thy peace - Saint Augustine.

When mystics use the word love, they use it very carefully, in the deeply spiritual sense, where to love is to know; to love is to act. If you really love, from the depths of your consciouness, that love gives you a native wisdom. you perceive the needs of others intuitively and clearly, with detachment from any personal desires; and you know how to act creatively to meet those needs, dexterously surmounting any obstacle that comes in the way. Such is the immense, driving power of love.

from 'Words to Live By' - Eknath Easwaran

I hate to see you cry Lying there in that position There's things you need to hear So turn off your tears and listen Pain throws you heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around No, it won't all go the way, it should But I know the heart of life is good You know it's nothing new Bad news never had good timing Then the circle of your friends Will defend the silver lining Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around No, it won't all go the way, it should But I know the heart of life is good (Whistle Interlude) Pain throws your heart to the ground Love turns the whole thing around Fear is a friend who's misunderstood But I know the heart of life is good

-The Heart of Life, John Mayer

the white moon among the stars.

How do you fill your days, when all you want is one thing?
the feeling of being tethered, desired and understood
not just from one
but from the universe?
waking up to find yourself thinking you're stuck
thinking you're lonely but you're never alone

wanting to be cradled
treasured
looking to something outside of yourself
inside, look inside child - remember the answers lie within

And thou who thinkest to seek for Me, know thy seeking and yearning shall avail thee not, unless thou knowest the Mystery: that if that which thou seekest thou findest not within thee, thou wilt never find it without thee.

For behold, I have been with thee from the beginning; and I am That which is attained at the end of Desire. - the Charge of the Goddess

And pretty maids all in a row...

The internet should totally be Time's Person of the Year this year and every year henceforth. Why?
Cause there are awesome things on there like:

Adventure Divas Packing List : literally found by Googling, "packing lists for Greece" - and it reminded me to bring stuff that I normally forget like: insect repellent, pajamas and a caribiner or mesh bag to hang dry stuff off your bag as you travel.

Viceland: a quirky, hipster-esque webzine listing all sorts of funny/eccentric/out there topics and columns. But the funny one is Dos and Don'ts a sarcstic/sardonic take on our current obcession with street fashion.

He's either pulled off the mother of all one-night-stand escapes, or Inspector Gadget just entered the square and is slowly walking toward the target

Nothing new going on lately; work = same, show=same (we are full on into production and our cast and venue are set, we were in the SF Pride Parade two weekends ago), boys=same (boring, I know) - the only cool thing going on is that I'm playing Elphaba this weekend for Coterie.
*************
Mary, Mary quite contrary...how does your garden grow?

Had a late production meeting last night and ended up spending quality time at MegaBookStore (the new millenium's library). As much as the world is currently railing against the economic excesses of capitalism, it's really REALLY nice to be able to sit in a leather arm chair, warmly lit, comfy and left alone and read whatever you want for however long as you want...oh and then not to have to purchase the book when you're done. (sans homeless people, for those of you who are thinking, "Use the library Shmuck!") But I leafed through a book on diagnosing and recovering from BPD.

To say it was eye-opening is a little bit of an understatement.

Those of you who know me, know the story already, so I won't open up that bag of tricks again. But I started to get worried in college when my roomates were afraid to hang out with me based upon my moodiness. (Which was compounded by a very critical and emotionally distant senior professor) There's been a lot of soul searching going on in the last couple of years, and whatever anyone else feels...

I give myself a huge pat on the back.

For giving myself the freedom to grow; to develop the parts of myself that are good and work on letting go of the parts that are not useful. That I've honored the promise to myself when I was 12 or 13 that I wouldn't be like her when I got older. That I will tell the TRUTH about my life regardless of what I would like it to be; because it's actually quite awesome. That I will take honest, true criticism, no matter how hard it may seem. That I will face rejection, heartbreak and release to the best of my ability and look forward to change and open feeling. My friends now reflect the best of me; the beauty, the brains, the inspiration, the talent, the heart and spirituality that I want to give back. That I can accept failure as a lesson, dissolution and disappointment with grace and fear with courage. I am protecting my little one.

Huge, wonderful thank yous to the people who are in my life right now. My surrogate mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers. The ones who could hug me, write me letters, give me flowers - all the things I never learned to do when I was a child.

I used to compare relationships to plants. That you have to weed your garden (rid yourself of past regrets, fears and other sundry baggage - like exgirlfriends!), water it, feed it lots of yummy nutrients etc. if you wanted them to survive. And now, it's so wonderful to realize that these are the things we must do for ourselves to make our plants grow. It's not selfish or spendthrift to get an hour long massage that makes you feel like a million bucks when you're done. It's not horrible to say, 'No' or, conversely, grab that brass ring. Because someone has to - feed your plants.

Cultivate affection, forgiveness. Drop the anger. Drop the act.

With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And pretty maids all in a row

Reblogged from Unicornology
“ As I get older, I find that I believe with all my heart in the comic approach to life. I mean, we’re all sitting in this room very seriously, we all selected clothes, but in X number of years, we will all definitely be rotting in the ground. Which is kind of hilarious when you think about it. Or at least humbling. The pretense, all the elaborate stuff we go through to bolster our egos, and the truth is that nothing — none of this – will last. That’s very funny. When you hear anybody in any context talking, including me right now, and think he’s just a corpse in progress, it’s kind of hilarious. The other side of it is that it argues strongly for kindness and compassion. — George Saunders

The colors of a rainbow, so pretty in the sky. Are there on the faces of people going by

Sitting here, waiting for the AT&T guy to call me back...might as well blog right?

Lots of fun stuff happened last weekend; Friday after being thwarted for weekend plans with Bagel, and feeling too old to go out and party - I was ready to head back home, until Fabala called and invited me over for mac n' cheese and Spaceballs. Sounds like my kind of night. I ended up walking in Vitamin E enriched sunshine from Portrero to Bernal Heights, and on the way spied these painted on wall of a neighborhood art gallery:Aren't they cute?! All of the boulders had eyeballs, but I thought this one was hilarious, because it was a boulder family. In fact, my entire walk along Bryant St., was full of gloriously adorable wonders. In one of the least known parts of the city; sort of outer Mission - there's an amazing neighborhood feel with a mixture of modern architecture (industrial steel and glass lofts, wide expanses of slate and wood slats, simple, clean lines) with old (classically maintained painted ladies with intricately detailed wooden trim) and artistic houses (CellSPACE). Everyone's space is well-kempt, creative and thorough. Little front stoop benches, sunflowers higher than your head and mossy walls, it was an amazing 1/2 hr walk that ended up in Precita Park - which only could have been made perfect with the addition of some ice cream. But I have to admit - the mac n' cheese was delicious.


Just goes to show, that sometimes when you just take a chance on what's just outside your front door - it's an amazing little stroll (lyrics are from, "Wonderful World")