Moderation.

At the office, we recently hired several new people. Including one that goes through dry cereal faster than Cookie Monster at a Mrs. Fields orgy. The idea of sharing (2 boxes amongst 36 people) has obviously passed him by. But is he at fault or is it society? Or is it me for making this much cereal available?

Here's something interesting that's been twisting around in my head lately. Are we allowed to enforce our own personal laws of moderation in consumption on others in order to serve the greater good? Being an American - the automatic answer is "no". No one in the States is about serving a greater good - we're all here to serve ourselves and quite possibly, in a magnanimous gesture, our families and loved ones. But certainly no one other than that. I think that's why people often refer to America as a "young" country. We have the spunk, energy and will of a younger person but also their selfish wants and needs. In fact we laud them. I've been in three successive relationships where each man was in a self-proclaimed selfish phase and not only thought it was an acceptable state of mind but a completely appropriate one.

FAIL assholes, FAIL.

Do you know what happens when you serve yourself and only yourself? You end up fucking alone. (literally and figuratively)

In countries with traditions centuries old like Japan or Sweden, there is a certain amount of hospitality bestowed upon the common traveler. There is something about the confidence of living in a country that acts like an elder statesman, that doesn't worry if you hack into their internet or steal a candlestick (ha. LezMis reference, take that)
a) because why would you do that for? slap on the wrist, don't do it again
b) no one there would succumb to such reckless and bad behavior.

And people in other countries? Share. They share stories and wine and song and homes. In England, people will buy rounds of drinks. Not just one or two for the bird they're interested in, ROUNDS, for everyone. To take this to an extreme example, even though it is often wrought with corruption, food shortages in other countries can lead the government to ration out portions. Because everyone needs to eat. Divorce is ridiculously prevalent in our society. Based in selfishness. When you're making a choice to marry someone it should be completely about that other person. As they should be about you.

Real success only matters when you have someone to share it with. By all means, pursue the things you want to pursue, only go to events that you feel will enrich your life - but understand that there are different types of enrichment. The same family dinner where I am criticized for not having a career, lamented for not being married is the same one where I can hold my cousins' babies, learn how to negotiate around subtle social barriers, get to feel reconnected with people who share my name and my genetic material. I'm so surprised that at the same family events there are family members that I feel so detached from and at the same time ones that I want to hang out with all day.

Remember this today when you're out in the world. That cupcake tastes sweet, but it's even better when you have someone to share it with.

Penelope Top

Spent the better part of my lunch break reading this blog: Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist

And it's been a fantastic wake up call to what I have and haven't been doing lately. And one of them is not really paying attention...ie being guilty of not being conscious. Working without knowing, acting without feeling and simply going through the motions. (yes, exactly like Buffy)

I mean, I found the site by Google searching, "Penelope Top" - because I was shopping. Less than a year ago, I was spending two hours a night writing and editing blog entries. It's not that the mighty have fallen, but it's more like the mighty have taken to faceplanting into bed at 7pm.

Penelope's quote on what her blog is about:

• What I think my life is about is figuring out how to find success at the intersection of work and life—one happy, synchronized adventure. It's a difficult task, and I don't want to do it alone. My blog is a community where we all do it together. (And my company is community career management on a much larger scale.)

Part of what I feel like we're all here for is to, "know thyself". Did you know that words, "thee" and "thou" are often used in the Bible to indicate the familiarity/intimacy between God and man? And in a much larger sense - that we live to understand that there are parts of us that can touch what we refer to as God on a regular basis, but it takes practice? This is not disrespectful, it recognizes the fact that we as man created a higher power that we could relate to; why else would we?

And this knowledge calls upon us to do things that a) make us happy and b) make us feel like we are contributing members of society. After watching 'Lost' last night - it's sad but true - the revelation has come about that some of the simplest things to do in life are often the hardest, but make our lives so much more richer. Things like, "letting go" or "asking for help" or "forgiveness" can get in the way of real relationships or real connections with people. Even people that we live with, lovers we once thought knew us inside and out or people who refuse to reach beyond surface...because we all fear peeling back the layers to get to what's inside. That we'll find that they'll reflect the worst in us.

But shouldn't we revere those people? The people who are there to show us the parts of ourselves that scare us? Because here's the other thing that I've learned, when you look at the thing that scares us, really look at it - we find something inside that is so scared and unsure and fragile who is just trying to survive. And sometimes the only way it can survive is to lash out. And that doesn't excuse it, but it's also our job to understand that we all lash out. And that it's a sign that something needs to be loved and cared for more...not less.

On a personal note, I'm going to try to catch up on projects this year that have fallen by the wayside for one reason or another.

• a) Finish reading my copy of the "Tienaman Papers" and then write a first draft of my play
• b) Climb more, climb often
• c) Get my local Bay Area Theater podcast up and running. I have a whole list of people I want to guest on there. And they won't be your run of the mill folks. I want to have a stage manager forum, producers, marketing people, etc.
• d) Start to write this blog a little more comprehensively. Seriously. Like this: Don't be a snob about career advice.
• e) sky dive
• f) get my butt out to New York

the finance whisperer.

hola...know I've been away awhile...taken some time off. time really does equal $$ and luxury. i've been trying to plan a vacation with my bestie and haven't been able to - was sort of looking forwards to rainforests and waterfalls.

life has been very doable lately. in that i've established a routine of sorts and i'm more than happy with where i am. doesn't mean that things couldn't be better, but for the most part it's all working copacetically.

have recently been asked to participate in a round of interviews at work. i mean, where i'm doing the interviewing/ie. asking the questions. all i've been asked to do is give my general feeling on the vibes I get from people. it's like i'm the finance whisperer or something. i've met two people so far and what a marked difference between the two.

there's nothing like meeting someone who is quietly confident and sure of themselves. who asks the right questions and answers all of yours directly. the person who follows up and sits in their own self like a cloak. and what a marked difference to meet someone who is constantly trying to out or overthink you.

met our second candidate for an open position today. and it was sort of laughable how much she was trying to impress me. srsly? i just work here. but what was also hilarious was how much her answers fell into the "stereotypical" category. like she almost interviewed herself. she even did the whole, "What ANIMAL in the forest am I." analysis. SHE ACTUALLY BROUGHT THIS UP AND ANSWERED THE QUESTION HERSELF. dude. then she was all blabbity blabbity finance...blabbity blabbity run and manage a team. "i'm really direct and to the point." "i say what's on my mind." etc. she also seemed like a control freak. like the uber perfect child.

the last thing she said that freaked me out?

"Well, I'm the oldest child. (like that would impress me or something, cause I'm the oldest in mine) And so I would look at the other members of my team like a younger sibling. Like I am here to help guide you and tell you stories about the things that I've done that worked for me. I have a ton of experience and would take the role of older sister."

ok...FAIL.

just from experience, it's so hard to work with people who view themselves like this. as gurus instead of teachers. as constant leaders instead of learners. i also do not need to tell anyone how friggin' annoying it is to work with someone who lacks the ability to listen to those around them they view as "less than" or to be with anyone who would ever view anyone as "less than". makes one think how often we walk around thinking that we have to school the people younger than us. unless of an exchange of information, it becomes this dearth of unsolicited advice that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

so i'm still diggin' candidate one, but we'll see what happens with option numero tres on friday. til then.

i'm doing something silly right now, please don't mind me

sunday nothings.

my brain hurts.

I just finished writing the first draft of a CA$H grant - the Bayareatheaterfancyshmance thing that all of the artists and so-called artists in the greater Bay Area will spend days and weeks putting together so that they can be awarded a small yet significant amount of money. Sad but true. This is where, I suppose, I go into a rant about how little funding there is for the arts in what is supposed to be the heart of the artistic community.

but I'm really drained.

had a birthday party for the roomie last night. it was actually quite nice - the whole, wine, cheese bit. i have to admit, i prefer my parties less fancy. roomie works for a hotel and so all of his peeps showed up in the latest anorexic wear and then left to go to a bar. i still don't get the appeal of a bar. there's nowhere to sit, drunk people everywhere, the music is too loud and you have to pay to drink. it's like the greatest joke played on mankind ever. now i get the idea of a pub. in a pub, there are places to sit, good lighting and generally good food. you can just hang. a bar is like a feeding frenzy for horny people. so i always pass on that shit.

i went to wondercon yesterday - geeked out. saw zoesaldana, chrisnolan, millajovovich, alilarter, jerrybruckheimer(mofo), jakegyllenhaal, chrisevans, amyacker etc. etc. etc. all and all i was glad i went, esp. since i ended up sitting in the ballroom for like 4+ hours.

the stache has yet to call me today. i took a picture with a dude pretending to be the dude from mystery science theater 3000 yesterday for him. shows you who really has the upper hand doesn't it?

i could go into explanations on all of the above stuff, but i'm really burnt out and my other roomie has people here tonight doing a reading for his new show. and I just finished reading the blog of some straight dude who's an actor here in the city and i was inspired and incredibly disgusted and turned off by his writing "style" if you could call it that. i really want some pot roast and some soup right now (update-just grabbed some roomie's leftovers and they're delicious). and to just be left alone. i'm so tired of dealing with other people right now.

i'm the most outgoing introvert you will ever meet. seriously.

awareness

forcing myself to write - because it matters. not to anyone else but me, but because it needs to happen.

it's nothing really.
just strawberries, plain cream top yogurt
honey
puffins
yep, the cereal of trader joes
named after a flightless bird
the one that isn't a penguin
the berries are slightly underripe
but they give me the idea that i'm eating something healthy for dessert
crunchy, creamy
sweet, slightly sour
eaten in front of the tv
or webcast
or book
five nights in a row
still not sick of it
but tonight is the last night, i'm out of strawberries
so i turn off the tv
and try to make this one last
take smaller bites
scrape the sides of the bowl
so the last spoonful has equal parts of everything
creamycrunchsweetsour
rinse the bowl
and spoon
and remember this is what it's like to need to be creative
this is where it all begins and germinates
in the quiet space
of appreciation
me and some yogurt

Guidelines...

Oh third graders...has it really come to this? I guess it helps, when you're 8 - to start to parcel out your world. To try to put things and people into categories that help you make sense of them. I mean, a lot of growing is up is about analysis right? Trying to make heads or tails of the crazy world around you.

Or you know...just judging them mercilessly. (points for completely being able to articulate the difference between a slimy b*&%h and a fishy b*%&h)

I'm totally #20.

And I'm Not Lying presents...The 90 Types of Bitches