Just like Greta Garbo

I am not a party girl.

Or let me be more specific, I am not a RANDOM, let's do this all the time, I love people Party Girl. There is nothing that makes me want to stay home more than the thought of trying to walk into a room full of people and try to impress them.

I'm shy.

And let me qualify this for the people that have seen me work a room. When I am essentially, "The Hostess" - I have no reason to be shy. Hypothetically, I have the best opener in the room, "This is my party, who are you?" I know where things are, like the coat closet, bathroom and fridge. I can tell you where the nearest ATM is, who is single and that the dark haired guy in the corner would love for you to talk with him about Harry Potter- cause he is a big fan. Basically, when I'm hosting, I'm in charge. And I like being in charge. This goes for a ton of things; when I'm producing - I'm in charge. When I'm at the house of a very dear or close friend, I'm in charge. When I'm at my own house, I'm in charge etc. ad infinit.

So, why are there parties I don't like? Because parties with a ton of people that I don't know, don't give me a lot of opportunities to feel a) safe or b) comfortable. Take the Jerry cast party for example. I spent a lot of time finding smaller groups of people to hang out with. Or one other person for that matter. The people that get that I don't talk all the time. That parties make me a little tired because my focus is pulled in 80 different directions. I'm pointedly awkward when I'm just not sure where I stand. Even though I felt about %85 comfortable at that party, there were moments I was totally not comfortable with. Like when two of the band guys tried to have a conversation with me.

So tonight, when I got home, my neighbor was headed out to walk his dog. He's had a rough year for which I totally feel sympathy, but I could also feel him angling for an invitation to chat. Tonight, I am super excited to have a very clean apartment all to myself, because tomorrow I will be seeing a Cal game with Sex and then having a dinner with a friend at night. But tonight, I wanted quiet. I know I've talked a lot about being an introvert, and I hope y'all aren't tired of these posts. But I think it's because I go back and forth a lot about being more social and outgoing. But really, what's so wrong with staying in? Huh?

Now leave me alone. hee.

w.o.r.k.

Two posts, one day!

You lucky dogs. But I keep reading stuff that is awesome. Like this article from Fast Company.com: What Should I Do With My Life Now?

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what you want from your life. Don’t ever say that, don’t ever fool yourself into that stupor. Of course you know what you want — you know the feeling you desire — fulfillment, connection, responsibility, and some excitement. The real problem is figuring out how to get it — how to find a path that doesn’t suffocate those natural feelings in you. Which is hard. Of course it’s hard. It’s supposed to be hard. If it weren’t hard, you wouldn’t learn anything along the way, and thus you would never get there. If you don’t know how to make the best of a bad situation, you will never get there. If you are not willing to put up with some shit work, you will never recognize that a good opportunity is staring you in the face. If you are not willing to be humble and repeatedly be a beginner in new areas and learn the details faster than the next guy, you are not capable of transformation.”

I LOVE this part of the article too

4. The Fallacy of Intrinsic Fit. There is this notion around calling that you should love the mere act of what you do every day so much that by virtue of it just being Monday morning and you're at your job, the act of doing it causes neurotransmitters of joy to drip on your brain all day. That is not how real people do it. All jobs have shit work. All jobs have things you hate about them. But real people feel fulfilled by the overall purpose of their organization that the shitty parts are worth putting up with. It's not what you do, it's what you're working towards.

This makes me want to tell that group of 20 something hipster douchebags to suck it. When you work, you work. I want to print it out and hand it to every single person sitting on their ass at Delores Park. Or homeless on Haight Street.

Or people that whine. You know.

the interwebs...

HA!

Just reserved my about.me URL name. aint nobody getting my screen name bizzitches. Read more about it on Maggie Mason's website: Mighty Girl
hollah.

What would your about.me page say?

APW is a Bay Area producer, designer, voice-over artist, actor, singer and playwright (or at least a budding one). She holds a degree in Architecture from UC Berkeley. By day she is a mild mannered Operations Assistant at an internet movie company, by night a fierce denizen of the stage.
She is a founding member of the East Bay theater company, Temescal Labs and writes about SF life on her blog, 'Pentemporary'. Alexis worked for 6 years in the Architectural Industry, designing and creating construction documents for 'Habitat for Humanity'.
Alexis lives in SF as part of the Potrero Hill housing group, "The Gay, the Straight and the Girl".

**************************
Industry speak:
Pen: so I was listening to the radio this morning and basically heard that Zuck*erb3rg is a dick.
Hex: Yeah, I mean, he has this reputation as being pretty conservative and very clipped...you should ask JR - he met him
JR: (comes over) What?
Hex: You met the Zuck right?
JR: oh yeahhh...
Pen: I heard he's kind of a dick.
JR: That's a really good way of putting it.
Pen: When did you meet him?
JR: Oh me and Wrap had a meeting about the instant personalization thingie. Yeah, he was doing all sorts of weird power trip stuff. Like standing when everyone else was sitting...that sort of thing.
Pen: Next time, you guys should just bring a girl with you.
JR: Wow.
Hex: Hey...you know that's not such a bad idea.
Pen: Totally. He won't know what to do. I think he's probably just awkward and trying to hide it.
JR: We have plenty of actors here... Pen: See?

this is why I get paid the big bucks people. Your Friendly Local Psychological Manipulator.

Chopsticks

This is absolutely fabulous. I guarantee you, if someone installed these on our stairs, I would be taking them every day!



I've been toying with the 30DLBL, don't you worry, but I've definitely fallen behind. But in other news, we opened "Jerry" to incredible reviews and audiences. I've had an EPIC weekend. And am looking forward to doing it for five more...

Here we go!

Fail. Fail better.

my uber-religious uncle just said he was coming to Jerry Springer. on Facebook.

O.M.G.

I sort of had to warn him off. Unless he was planning on coming with a placard and a busload of protestors. In which case, that would be totally AWESOME.



I have no history or neat story to tell with this scene from Jack and Bobby. I just came home to my roommate watching this scene. I really, really wish someone had given me this talk before I started college. Or even in high school



Good evening. I want to welcome you tonight to... a renaissance.

For some of you this night marks a return to your college life, for some of you a new beginning. And so, upon the eve of the tremendous journey upon which you are all embarking, I'd like to offer you a thought to take with you. Listen carefully: you will fail here. All of you. College is not the culmination of your high school career. It is the beginning of your adult life. Only it is a slow sweet beginning that feels nothing like what life and all the attending obligations will eventually bring. So fail here... This is your chance.

Do things you know you can't do, or think you can't do but hope in your deepest most secret hidden heart that you can.

Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb. Or two. Or twelve.

The harder you fall, the farther you'll rise. And the louder you fail, the clearer the distant bell of your future will ring. Failure is a gift. Welcome it. There are people who spend their lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances passed them by and why they didn't take the road less traveled. Those people are not you.

You have the front-row seat to your own transformation. And in transforming yourself, you might just transform the world. Believe that, and embrace the new person you're becoming. This is your moment. Now. Not ten minutes from now, not tomorrow, really now. Know that, truly in your bones, and wake up each morning remembering it. And then keep going. _

30DLBL - Day 2

Hey Guys, still haven't finalized my action plan for Day 1 - too many things going on both at work and in my social life...but I thought I'd get started on the task for Day 2 (for what I'm doing, definitely click on the link below)

30DLB Day 2 - What's your Ideal Life?

• Business / Career / Studies – What are you doing? What achievements and results do you want to create? How big is your business/career? (If you’ve a business, will it be international?)

I work best when I am a vital part of a team working towards creating a large standing project. A school or theater company. I would love to be doing something creative. Both visualizing projects and producing them. Development Director for a Theater Company or equally creative company - helping to find new works, presenting them to investors in the best light, promoting and writing grants for a project while having a good sensible handle on financials and helping to move a group of people towards a shared artistic vision. I want to do at least 5 big shows a year with smaller plays and black box musicals inbetween. I want to be able to pay my house and stage managers a good salary and give actors a decent stipend (that will pay for two month's worth of rent at least)

Or I'd love to be an artist at Pixar. Drawing and creating characters or doing voiceovers for a piece of work that will be seen and cherished would be a fantastic dream as well as working with a ton of creative, interesting people that I respect. And working in that building with people who just love life seems awesome. I mean, it must be great to wake up every day and say, "Today I'm going to my Awesome Work."

• Finance/Wealth – How much money will you be earning? What property do you live in? What material possessions will you have?

I'll be earning enough each year to put away money for retirement, my kids and at least two big vacations a year. We'll live in a 6 bedroom house (of course one or two of them might be an office) house with a lush and verdant backyard, with plants and a vegetable garden and fruit trees and possibly a duck pond. With a view of a valley or tucked away in a glen surrounded by large trees. It might be urban. My friend SS has a great house in the Marina. It's three floors, with a recording studio on the bottom and a hot tub in the backyard. And a huge kitchen. And it's just him and his wife. I mean...woah.

I'd like to find serenity and to be able to live with things that are made well, but not purchase anything for the label value. I would love to have a grand piano (Steinway), guitars, and a recording studio I know how to use. I would like to live comfortably but within my means.

• Health/Fitness – How is your fitness level? How do you look? What is your diet like? How is your health?

My fitness level is pretty good; I'm swimming, biking and playing badminton regularly and still walking to work. I look healthy and happy. I am getting enough rest, seeing the right doctors. My diet is filled with fruits, veggies and good fresh foods.

• Social/Friends – How is your social circle like? What are the kind of friends you are with?

My social circle has gotten smaller but more intimate. The friends in my circle understand and respect me. I adore and admire them. We inspire each other to do more and to grow. We laugh and play together all the time. We go hiking, camping and are silly together in the most random of situations. Our conversations could go on for days and we are infinitely fascinating to the other.

• Family – What are you doing with your family? How often do you meet them?

I meet my family at least once every two weeks for dinner or an event. I see my brother weekly and my parents about the same amount. We are content with our relationships to one another.

• Romance/Love – (if you’re single) What is your ideal partner? How is he/she like? What do you love about him/her? Do you have kids? How many? How are they like?

My husband - because marriage is key - is slightly older, thoughtful, artistic, respectful, gentle and laughs at all of the same things I do. He is goofier than me, likes to make me laugh and likes to wash dishes and take out the trash. He is good looking, taller and kind. He has aspirations that include me and kids. He is loyal and while he may think other women are good looking - he has no desire to stray. He is noble and works out, but also eats everything and anything I cook. We go for long hikes and bike rides together. We would rather talk or just read together rather than watch tv. He is respectful to others and protective of us. He is a teacher, engineer, or manager of some kind. He supports my dreams and I his. We love that each of us strives to be a better person because of the other. When other people speak of them, they speak of him with respect, care and love for a good man. We have two kids; a girl who is sweet, lanky, slighly awkward, smart and thoughtful. A boy who is funny, caring, wise and generous.

• Recreation – What do you do for recreation? What hobbies do you want to pursue?

I'll continue to do theater, professionally and recreationally. I'd like to pursue playwriting and more producing. I want to take up sewing, badminton (with Kat), possibly climbing, and travelling to: Spain, Bali, Thailand, India and a ton of those crazy natural oddity places.

• Contribution – What will you be doing socially? How will you be giving back to the world / helping others?

Coaching kids for life - through voice and acting. Volunteer as a family at least once a month; soup kitchen, Habitat, animal shelter, helping to set up a program or teach reading.

• Personal Growth – How will you be pursuing your personal growth? What will you be learning, growing?

Will learn not to let other people's personal energy affect my own. Will have a handle on my view of life and moving forward. Will take each day as it comes and get better at listening as well as teaching. Will become less self-centered and hopefully more open to giving time and energy to other people. By not playing the blame or guilt game with others, will open up self to better relationships. Instead of shutting people out or ignoring them, will gently and truly listen to their requests. Will be the strong yet vulnerable leader that wil guide others to a better way of thinking and acting.

• Spiritual – How connected will you be with the world? How will you be pursuing your spiritual interests?

Spirituality comes through interacting with others. Will work on interacting better with others and finding the spirituality in those places. Meditate daily. Read and Write daily and sing. Sing all the time. Dance and be funny and generous with everyone around me.

1. Your ideal life should meet your 4 core needs. For more details, read the exercise I wrote in an earlier article.
   1. Body (physical needs)
   2. Mind (mental needs)
   3. Heart (emotional needs)
   4. Soul (spiritual needs)

30DLBL - Day 1

Well, just finished Task One of the 30DLBL...

In order to be fully participatory, I've decided to post all of my results on this blog. I'll probably be posting my quirky/funny/introspective/foodie stuff as well inbetween, so keep an eye out for those. I also realize that tech for 'Jerry Springer the Opera' starts this week. So gods be merciful and grant me: patience, good humor, rest, faith and hard work.

Part of the reason I decided to participate in Celestine's challenge is that one of my fatal flaws is follow through. I'll often start a task, hobby or chore with a great deal of enthusiasm only to have it dwindle days or even hours later. I've realized that a certain amount of accountability helps me work best. I've also realized my natural tendency to follow a strong and distinctly parental authority figure also keeps me on task. Time to change that. If I can't be disciplined by myself, then there's no way my dad's going to keep doing it for me.

Having a place where I can do a daily morning check in with tons of others participating helps. To read about today's task/topic go here. 30DLBL: Day 1 - Your Life Wheel

My results: (1 being lowest, 10 being highest)
Business/Career: 4
Finance/Wealth: 6.5
Health/Fitness: 8
Social/Friends: 10
Family: 5
Romance/Love: 1
Recreation/Fun: 9
Contribution: 2
Personal Growth: 8
Spiritual: 5

I based my self-scoring around some tangible facts. My Finance/Wealth score is higher than my career one for example because I can pay my rent, bills and also go out to eat in the same week and I don't have any debt. But my career such as it is, has stagnated. I'm not sure I feel enthusiastic about Finance in the same way I do Personnel Management or Production. Health/Fitness - I gave myself some snaps for taking up swimming in the last week. I will have to purchase a year round pass when the 7 Day Free trial is up.
Recreation/Fun and Social scored very high. I spend most evenings at rehearsal and when not there, at a class or dining out with friends. Katty and I almost got to play a round of badminton this weekend. As far as personal growth...well, it seems obvious that doing 30DLBL definitely falls into that category, but today was also spent listening to a free MIT lecture, reading a manifesto about changing the world and also writing two blog posts.

Family and Spiritual fell into pretty average areas, but I don't always feel compelled to see my family. Spirtually, I could be doing better. I haven't been to church in a while and I could start going again once this weekend of craziness is over.

But lets look at the low scores shall we?

Romance/Love: This one is pretty obvious. The 'Stache and I called it quits in April and since then I've been all quiet on the man front. Of course stepping straight into both 'Barnum' and 'Jerry(SpringertheOpera)' while great for helping me get over the hurt, aren't as conducive to actually dating. So the score here is pretty dang low; I have not been hit on, flirted with or even close to being asked out (unless we count the Nose...who is now in a relationship)

Contribution: This one is also fairly obvious. One of the things I admired about the 'Stache was his commitment to tutoring kids. For Bagel it was his dedication to his faith and doing things with his church, oh yeah, there was that whole curing cancer thing too. But not just in the guys I date. I admire so many of my friends for contributing time or money to good causes. Some of them do pro bono work or just spend time helping out. I feel very selfish in that many of the things I do, I do just for me.

Right now, reflecting on these is enough for me. I'm going to finish up with the Action Plan tomorrow morning. Sleep is a big part of me making up for some of the discrepancies on the wheel.

Night!