#4

Impeccable mistakes
We've all made
Tell us that we're human
But that stain
That reminds us
Is all too painful, sometimes.
When faced with karma or vengeance,
Would it be so wrong?
To cast a sword
In place of the flowers I'd strew instead?

Let me have my wings
I'll shatter harpies in my path
Keening songs of grasping need
From their fiery cells.
Return their unsolicited victim offering
Not the sweetness of his lips
Not the pleasure of our nights
Not the mind or rapture of love
Ventress, only return their rusted tin can locks
Paper chains and glassy shackles,
Look her in the eyes
So that I can die to live again

endless doors on either side...

Have been listening to Wayne Dyer’s lectures lately. (They’re free online if you Google him) Mainly, they’re inspirational talks, but they’re also valuable tools for guiding you in how to live life. Reminders in a way. Dyer talks a lot about “source”. Sometimes it’s what we refer to as “spirit”, “higher power” or simply, “god”. It’s what reminds us that we are who we are at our most ultimate shining moment. It’s the perfect ace across the tennis net, hitting that 10th mile of the marathon, singing so purely and clearly that all of your molecules are called into action. It’s no wonder that so many of life’s most transcendental moments: the birth of your first child, climbing Mt. Fuji to see the sunrise etc. involve physical as well as mental stamina.

When we start to have feelings of doubt, fear or suspicion, it all goes back to us not feeling connected to who we truly are and what we are meant to be. Just the other week, I had a conversation with my gorgeous friend, who is my rock and my inspiration. At some point in their lives, every person who considers themselves an artist, goes through a dark place. The place where you don’t know if there is a light out of. The tempting point where things like a 9-5 job, medical benefits, a white picket fence look awfully nice. Anyway, I sat there, listening to my dear friend tell me she was afraid of putting the period on the end of the long journey she’d been working on for a while. And I nearly choked on my orange juice. The end? No way, no how.

See the end, is really the beginning if you choose to look at it that way. See, she made this…and I’m listening to it right now, and it’s incredible. She did something with these songs that is so pure…so hopeful…so her. And if there was ever a time in our history for hope, it would be right now. We could use a leader. Someone who, even if she thinks she can’t see the light right now for her own life, can provide a guiding light for others. And find her own codega. (In the Venetian middle ages a ‘Codega’ was hired to guide you by lantern through the dark Italian streets, warding off assailants”)



It’s true, we all let ourselves fall into the darkness sometimes. And then, at some point, illumination. Sometimes it takes stepping outside of yourself. Reflecting on what you love. The other day, on the way back to the office from a quick jaunt to the bank with my boss, it started to rain on Haight street. I didn’t bring an umbrella, so I started to walk a little quicker. And pretty soon, I was outrunning the rain. Outrunning the rain, think about that for a sec. Of course, there’s no way to do that. But the beat of my boots on slick pavement was jaunty and I started to hum to myself. And I was truly, openly, honestly, happy. I was writing a song in my head! And it’s not Coldplay, but I was having fun. Humming to myself. Feeling that beat turn into a chorus. And the clouds broke, I genuinely smiled at no less than three people on my way back.

The rain has always played an important part in all of my breakups. Well, the not so good ones anyway. Rain’s like an offering, a clean slate as long as I embrace it. The freshness and sweetness is like a balm-rain on me, for I am yours to clean.


Are we aren’t
To be who we wish we could be?
Holding back,
To hold onto what we see
As an answer
To our loneliness - June 2008

C is the Comeliest Letter!

When you are wont to surf the web as I am, you’ll come upon interesting things. AllTheWine is a blogger, that I believe I either found through GalaDarling or OnceMoreWithFeeling! She has a neat meme on her site this week all to do with your favorite things – but specifically the ones that start with a particular letter.

The rules: You leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

My letter is C!

1) Well first of all, C is for COOKIE and that’s good enough for me.
Cookies are the delicious prodigal child of cakes. Basically, when home bakers in the olden days wanted to test their batter they would bake a small portion to see what it tasted like. The popularity of these small cakes, like cell phone charms and purse Chihuahuas, grew and grew until people just started baking them outright. As a kid, my mom used to call cookies, “fish food” – I have no idea why, but she did. We LOVED it when she made fish food. There is nothing more satisfying than a cookie, for me. First of all, you don’t need a plate or a fork, secondly, you can put pretty much anything you want in a cookie. I’ve had zucchini cookies, coffee cookies and cookies with bacon in them. You can eat just one or a lot. When I’m having a bad day or PMSing, I’ll go grab a cookie. Cookiemonster is also my favorite muppet, I used to have slippers when I was a little kid that were blue, fuzzy and had a plastic Cookie Monster head on each toe.

2) Cumin, cinnamon, cilantro, curry – spices are sexy, no? I love cooking and adding unusual spices to dishes to enhance flavors. Cumin to turkey, cinnamon to just about everything, cilantro to bring brightness and curry to add heat.

3) Cha Cha Chas – One of my favorite Spanish/Cuban inspired tapas restaurants in the city. They make spectacular sangria, amazing platanos maduros and patatas bravas. The décor is a fun mix of Catholic inspired, glitter decked shrines and live plants. And it’s one of the few places that I would consider hip enough to bring a date, a bunch of girlfriends and also comfy enough to bring family. I ate lunch here with a friend on Friday. Lookee!

4) Christmas! – tis the season y’all. And for the first time in a long time, I’ve been watching the evolution of this particular holiday and in this particular year, it’s not about mounds of material gifts. It really is about sticking together, family, loved ones and giving thanks for the season. Nice.

5) Colbert – who doesn’t love them some Colbert? Have you watched the Holiday Special yet? You must.

6) Cons…short for convention as in Comi-Con, Wonder-Con, Dragon-Con, Leaky-Con. There is something magical about watching a ton of sweaty, geeky, passionate people band together to have a weekend that is just about the things that they love. It’s so neat to see the innovation, creativity and sometimes social change come about from these en mass gatherings.

7) Coeur D’Coeurs: ok, Pushing Daisies has been cancelled to my chagrin, but this fairy tale of a television show is probably the best thing on television. Smart, well set and well acted, it has a pop sensibility that appeals to both kids and adults. And the stories, while adult oriented, contain a childlike style that is perfect family fare.

8) Cary Elwes: Uh…Wesley? Princess Bride. He was the perfect man-snarky and skilled enough to satisfy the macho requirement, but oh-so pretty and charming to be the real prince of this story.

9) Coelho: I first read ‘The Alchemist’ when I was 22 after hearing about it on the blog of Lori (Real World: Back to New York…yeah, sue me) Trespicio, and I was sucked into the book. It’s not only an incredible fairy tale about following your dreams and listening to omens but also a guide to learning how to see the world. A week after finishing it, I ran into a good friend of mine who was also reading it. I only hope that I keep searching and finding my teachers; the old king, the shop owner and the alchemist. And I hope against hope for my Fatimah. ‘I Sat Down By the River Piedra’ is also amazing. And Coelho’s blog is thoughtful, meditative daily read.

It is also symbolic that Santiago finds his soul-mate, and the secrets of wisdom in the wilderness of the desert… In the desert, Santiago meets his "twin-soul" and discovers that love is the core of existence and creation. As Coelho explains, when we love, we always try to improve ourselves, and that's when everything is possible. The subject of love inspires a beautiful lyricism in Coelho's writing: " I love you because the whole universe conspired for me to come close to you."

The Personal Legend is one's reason for living; essentially, one's goal in life. Everyone in the world has a Personal Legend; by reaching his/hers, he/she adds to the Soul of the World, or its purity.

10) Celine Dion is Awesome – the first time I watched this video (made by the fucktawesome Rich of FourFour), I had to watch it 8 more times. And then again when I got home, and again the next day. HI-larious. And then I had to send it to 24 of my friends. This video is one of the best YouTube videos ever made.



11) Common sense: it’s so interesting that some people have this in spades and others were born with the common sense of a pineapple.

And I bet you are just fine...

A Fine Frenzy
"Almost Lover"
-One Cell in the Sea (2007)

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about youCan't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

***************************
Well huh...this explains part of it: l'Homme Fatale

22 days

You were mine to make a mystery.
The one sure faith eluding me.
And now you're gone.
22 days and I still feel you.
But those ghosts are quickly fading.
As you move on.

beyond

"You two are rocking my world at this moment." - cast member on Saturday.

I had forgotten how much I love to watch other people sing. How much it fulfills the part that yearns for creation, understanding, art. Bearing witness to music, real music makes me grateful to be alive. The smiles on the faces of the rest of our cast members and our hardass musical director when La Fleur and I finished our duet on Saturday were priceless. Knowing that other people think you kick ass and that you are now, at least a partial master of a skillset you have spent years honing is so gratifying. Duets are such beautiful vibrant creatures; the insouciance of solos gives way to the necessary give and take and connection of singing with others.

There is something so much greater than ourselves, the ley lines that connect us to Earth and Sky. And we are the fortunate souls that get to live in between.

Wandering lately, listless. Too much television, too much lethargy. Because I believed myself to have lost something. The truth was, that I only had to return to the rhythm and music to find what was always there. Believing that something is lost and then finding it again, by connecting soul to spirit - just a reminder that looking beyond ourselves is essential to living in this world fully.

"One day you might see yourself walking alone on a new path. No one seems in sight. No one seems to have walked it earlier. Don't give up midway. You're on a right track. Go on. Reach your dreams. The reason why you do not see anyone is because, the world is following you."

from PravsWorld.