endless doors on either side...

Have been listening to Wayne Dyer’s lectures lately. (They’re free online if you Google him) Mainly, they’re inspirational talks, but they’re also valuable tools for guiding you in how to live life. Reminders in a way. Dyer talks a lot about “source”. Sometimes it’s what we refer to as “spirit”, “higher power” or simply, “god”. It’s what reminds us that we are who we are at our most ultimate shining moment. It’s the perfect ace across the tennis net, hitting that 10th mile of the marathon, singing so purely and clearly that all of your molecules are called into action. It’s no wonder that so many of life’s most transcendental moments: the birth of your first child, climbing Mt. Fuji to see the sunrise etc. involve physical as well as mental stamina.

When we start to have feelings of doubt, fear or suspicion, it all goes back to us not feeling connected to who we truly are and what we are meant to be. Just the other week, I had a conversation with my gorgeous friend, who is my rock and my inspiration. At some point in their lives, every person who considers themselves an artist, goes through a dark place. The place where you don’t know if there is a light out of. The tempting point where things like a 9-5 job, medical benefits, a white picket fence look awfully nice. Anyway, I sat there, listening to my dear friend tell me she was afraid of putting the period on the end of the long journey she’d been working on for a while. And I nearly choked on my orange juice. The end? No way, no how.

See the end, is really the beginning if you choose to look at it that way. See, she made this…and I’m listening to it right now, and it’s incredible. She did something with these songs that is so pure…so hopeful…so her. And if there was ever a time in our history for hope, it would be right now. We could use a leader. Someone who, even if she thinks she can’t see the light right now for her own life, can provide a guiding light for others. And find her own codega. (In the Venetian middle ages a ‘Codega’ was hired to guide you by lantern through the dark Italian streets, warding off assailants”)



It’s true, we all let ourselves fall into the darkness sometimes. And then, at some point, illumination. Sometimes it takes stepping outside of yourself. Reflecting on what you love. The other day, on the way back to the office from a quick jaunt to the bank with my boss, it started to rain on Haight street. I didn’t bring an umbrella, so I started to walk a little quicker. And pretty soon, I was outrunning the rain. Outrunning the rain, think about that for a sec. Of course, there’s no way to do that. But the beat of my boots on slick pavement was jaunty and I started to hum to myself. And I was truly, openly, honestly, happy. I was writing a song in my head! And it’s not Coldplay, but I was having fun. Humming to myself. Feeling that beat turn into a chorus. And the clouds broke, I genuinely smiled at no less than three people on my way back.

The rain has always played an important part in all of my breakups. Well, the not so good ones anyway. Rain’s like an offering, a clean slate as long as I embrace it. The freshness and sweetness is like a balm-rain on me, for I am yours to clean.


Are we aren’t
To be who we wish we could be?
Holding back,
To hold onto what we see
As an answer
To our loneliness - June 2008