We were the queens and kings of promise...

Just finished reading both of these, as you may have guessed, I've been incredibly distracted lately by the ways that people work together. And there's always been an interest in people's personal psychology; how is it that a country that banded together to elect a black president is the same group of people that will call to ban a house of worship two blocks from the World Trade Center and call it democratic or patriotic? The same country that can send millions of dollars to earthquake relief in Haiti still be in denial about a toxic oil flume under our Gulf Coast and our national addiction to oil.

I'm still trying to get over the drama queens in rehearsal for crying out loud.

Still, I'm glad to know that life is not pre-destined for any of us. However much Gladwell would like to state that we are circumstantial by-products of our environment - I'd also like to point out that at any time we have a choice to be or not to be what is laid out ahead of us. We can choose the proverbial road less taken. I can choose to stop sleeping in, choose to hang out with the people I really want to see, make the hard changes - but I have to be willing to do the work. We cannot know the greatest love without also knowing the most aggregious pain or loss. They are related as our emotions are directly related to the depths of our own personal experience.

Both books remind me that Success (with the big "S") is not necessarily the result of wealthy parents, above board intelligence or an idiot savant related talent (although those help). It is also directly related to our willingness to want to focus on a single goal and to have many of our life paths, hobbies and everyday tasks take their lead from that goal. My voice builder, a superstar and incredible artist in his own life, encouraged each of his students to spend at least 20 minutes out of every day on our career as a preliminary training wheel for success. These days I spend much more time - probably 2-3 hours a day doing something towards my vocal training. These are not necessarily hours spent with drills or learning songs, sometimes they are in rehearsals, doing vocal warm ups in the shower or car, doing something to adjust my physical alignment (like Alexander work, pilates or yoga) listening to new music, spending an hour on the phone with a coach, chatting industry with a friend. The most interesting thing you'll find is that the more time you spend in your industry of choice, the easier it becomes to spend time on it. Like most diets - the most successful ones are not part time or temporary affairs but rather full lifestyle changes.
Check out Tim Ferriss' post on the Superstar Effect.

Anyway, I can't recommend either of the books highly enough. As usual, Gladwell provides a plethora of facts, indices and statistics gleaned from worldwide studies to prove each of his individual thoeries on success. And even uses his own ancestral life story to provide a thought-provoking anecdote on the road to a million dollar book deal and cultural/intellectual super stardom. Rework, written by the startup founders of 37signals (Basecamp) is a quickie advice guide for the modern project manager/company starter written in short, illustrated segments. Breaking all the established rules of modern management or business intelligensia, Rework is an invigorating new look at a way to run a company. Simple things like: optimize for today (don't always plan for 3 million page views later), keep everyone from engineer to CEO on the front lines and hire slowly and if you can, intimately.

Rework also states this on the value of writing:

If you are trying to decide among a few people to fill a position, hire the best writer...That's because being a good writer is about more than writing. Clear writing is a sign of clear thinking. Great writeres know how to communicate. they make things easy to understand. They can put themselves in someone else's shoes. They know what to omit. And those are qualities you want in any candidate...

So maybe these days, we should start to rename our Language Arts classes or Literature classes as "Communications" classes. When kids get the idea that knowing each part of a sentence and how it is structured is just as important as the idea - when the craft becomes just as complex and well thought out as the concept - we have the power to build empires.

And after all - we do want to understand each other don't we?

the age of Man is over
A darkness comes and all
The lessons that we've learned here
Have only just begun
We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
between Heaven and Hell.

(I have also recently become obcessed with the EPICRAWK of 30 Seconds to Mars...honestly, but it also makes me think of Les Miserables or something similarly hugely orchestral like Beethoven's 5th)

cheerio.

Photo via GalaDarling

Wow...Saturday Jane said it best:

What it boils down to is this: I am okay with my body, but I don’t want other people to know that I am okay with my body, because then they will notice it, and what if they discover something that is not okay? And then if they think I am okay with something that really isn’t okay, they’ll think I’m a snob, or a bitch. They’ll think I’m one of those blindly self-praising girls who thinks she’s all that. They’ll tell everybody else that that’s what I am. A girl who thinks she is all that, when I am not all that at all, I’m not even a little bit that! And then everyone will talk about me behind my back and I’ll never get asked to prom and nobody will ever approve my housing loans.

I am not afraid of people thinking I am ugly.

I am afraid of people thinking that I am presumptuous.

This is why I am eager to beat The Universe to the punch, to explain that oh, no, don’t worry. I know my nose is weird and blobby and crooked. I get that my fingers are the size and shape of chewed-on cigars. It’s cool. I’m cool. I don’t think I’m ‘above my station’ or anything. I’m being realistic here.

And the really weird thing?

This is the way that I think women in our society are often taught to feel and act about ourselves. Once, while at a pool party - I was headed out to an event afterwards and Panda complimented me on my dress. My reaction? To look down at it, shrug and say that it had been purchased at Ross. Panda automatically pointed out that my immediate reaction was not to accept the compliment but to deflect it as something less. It's not that we don't think we look good and strive to look good. It's the fear that someone will think that we are arrogant and stuck up because we look good.

Because nothing is more hateful than the mean girl.

But there is a very fine line between the mean girl and the confident girl.
And sometimes, in someone else's light - we feel like there is some sort of lack of it for ourselves. So we seek to diminish that light, because of the perceived idea that we are somehow less when someone that we see - especially if that person is close to us - somehow has found the answer to being greater.
Let me repeat this: there is nothing wrong about loving the people around us that are amazing and wonderful and stupendous.
Because that means that we are surrounded by teachers, guides and the people who are most like us.
Like attracts like.
So if you believe that all of your friends are wonderful, beautiful, ticklish people who inspire and move you, you are in quite good company.
If you aren't...it might be time to look at yourself.

Who do we love? We love Chelsea Handler for burping, swearing and awesome shoe wearing her way to a successful slew of books and a late night talk show. We love Michelle Obama for not letting her impeccable sense of style and defined upper arms get in her way of public policy or national health. We love the Kates (Blanchett, Winslet, Beckinsale, Austin, Hepburn and Hudson) for kicking ass, playing soulful intellectual, sexy, loving whole women with take no prisoners attitudes. We love: Aretha, Beyonce, Gaga, Madonna, Jlo for creating empires. We love Margaret Cho for obvious reasons. We love the girl next door.

Also: why have I not been reading "Chicken Soup for the Dorky Soul"? This one breaks my heart...

And AHEM: This is totally amazing! TOTALLY! LOVE BOMB!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the Angry Asian

I've just gotten so lazy lately, I've taken to just posting the interesting IM conversations I have with co-workers...

VoLtron: kung pao chicken
me: your mom
VoLtron: was that the part that bothered you in scott pilgrim?
me: no the "she's Chinese" and "Should you even be dating outside of your race?" and the utter This Stereotype is So 10 Years Ago and has been Beat to Death Already
and Scott is stupid and shallow for dating Knives in the first place
and then he leads her on
and leaves her for the "cool" white girl
VoLtron: did you like the movie?
me: I think I could have if they hadn't made the Knives character so clowny to juxtapose with how cool Ramona is. Like Ramona will sleep with Scott on the first date Scott won't sleep with Knives because she's totally naive and juvenile.
I know she's a character but it colored all of my feelings about the movie and made me feel bitter because...I dunno, it's all the feelings I have about being an Asian female who dates both white and Asian guys and all the hate I get poured on me when I do date white guys. Like I relate more to Ramona but I feel like people see me as the Knives and...I'm just tired of fighting what I look like on the outside because people are too assbackwards to see the inside. I know that you guys really liked it but I feel like the character has the potential to set Asian females back another 5-6 years. I mean...why can't I be a combination of the two? Completely articulate, cool, good at video games AND Asian?
VoLtron: did you read the books? (i have a lot of thoughts on this issue, but i'm still thinking about how you and i approached this movie)
me: no, and I think that's a problem too. so many times, movies are squished together edited versions of much more well-written tomes and the Hollywood producers and editors try to find the essence of a film and then put that on screen (like Harry Potter)
so you're really only getting the basest shards of a character but look at all the hate asian women have been getting on screen lately
(other than Lost)
Cho Chang
Knives Chau
Lady DeathStryke
Asian women are no more deserving of love, respect or affection because of their stereotype as gold digging, superficial man stealers. Just ONCE give me an example of a redeeming Asian female character on screen who doesn't get screwed over or dumped.
Maybe that chick from that weird Conjoined twins baseball movie
I've thought a lot about this, can you tell?
are you writing the editorial?
VoLtron: ok, let's first talk about the movie
I can see why that would be irritating. Knives’ background is more fleshed out in the book, but this background more reinforces the stereotypes so I guess I was used to/prepared for her treatment in the movie the kung pao chicken line, however, is new. I can see how they threw that in to heighten reality (last boss is a dick), but, for me, all it did was INTRODUCE reality into the movie
me: I don't even remember that line
VoLtron: hahaha
me: where was that line?
VoLtron: gideon calls knives "kung pao chicken"
me: he does? when?
VoLtron: right before the final fight
me: oh...huh
VoLtron: i thought that line overall was an unecessary risk
but the books are pretty juvenile. like, there wasn't a scene in the where wallace's sexuality wasn't brought up, same as the book
me: yes
I suppose you could watch the movie from that perspective as well
I think, though, in spite of Wallace's sexuality
he's still presented as a likable voice of reason
VoLtron: you didn't find Knives likable?
me: not til the end
I found her embarrassing to watch, though, not ridiculous til after Scott dumps her
VoLtron: i don't think the movie was careless in its treatment. i think it's more of a representation of these racisms that are hardwired into our psyche through pop culture
me: it's hard to watch onscreen, and hard to know that these stereotypes are still the ones being financed and to not be that
VoLtron: well, i don't think they're even aware these issues exist
for example, in juno
me: but to know that there is a certain demographic that will watch this movie and believe that
VoLtron: in juno, there's a scene where ellen page is talking about her ideal parent for the baby and she says "a graphic designer with an asian girlfriend" it's a throwaway line, it's not played for laughs or even to hurt, but the scary/funny thing is how quickly the audience understands the meaning of this phrase the asian girlfriend repesents "clean, discreet taste"
me: yes
VoLtron: she's objectified to the point where ellen page could've just said "a graphic designer who skateboards"
me: it's understood that there is a certain aesthetic to having an Asian significant other
VoLtron: but, again, i don't think these statements are made out of malice
me: no
VoLtron: they're just what people know and what people write
me: but that aesthetic is unfair
I mean, replace Asian with Jewish
VoLtron: well, that's what happens when you're born white and born at the top
me: and see how many people react
yep so what are your feelings about the movie?
VoLtron: i looooooved it
i had so much fun
me: Hamster and Wannamaker and I discussed it a little yesterday
VoLtron: tbh, a lot of the dynamic between scott and knives i saw a lot of with my previous relationship, i think so i was definitely more emotionally invested in it
me: I think...I enjoyed most of the parts of Scott Pilgrim that did not have to do wtih Knives til the very end. I would have loved her to help Scott kick Gideon's ass because he's a douche bag
VoLtron: what if knives were black?
would that make you change how you saw her character
me: yes
because a) all the jokes about her being Asian wouldn't have been made
and b) I wouldn't have related to her so much
but I think Hollywood also wanted the effect of making that charcter Asian
as did the original writer/cartoonist
which is raging fan girl combined with deadly cuteness
irrational
VoLtron: bryan lee o'malley is white/korean, and he married a white girl
just putting it out there
me: well
then less power to him to writing a character that brings down his Asian sisters
just because someone is half asian doesn't make it right
VoLtron: it doesn't
he's pretty whitewashed
but so am i
so whatever
me: grr...someone ate cereal
and didn't wash their bowl
VoLtron: i bet it was Wannamaker
me: nope, I have a sneaking suspicion it was Dail
I'm going to give him til the end of the day to wash it
I see everything, ahah
Wannamaker always washes his dishes. I gave him crap once and he never did it again
VoLtron: haha, taskmaster
me: totally
see?
fear the Irate Asian
VoLtron: oh you people are so cute when you're mad
there, there
me: KAWAAIII CHOP!
VoLtron: shoryuken reversal!
me: shoyu reversal?

hi there.

so...when you "grow up"? do people stop giving you advice? and what i mean is...when do i get to speak my mind?

or does it just get to a point where you say, "Whatever." ?

When we were kids, it used to get pointed out a lot that saying "whatever" was pretty rude. It was the equivalent of insolence + ignorance + apathy. And sometimes our impulses and dreams and desires were walked upon enough for us to just...give up.

today, came close to hitting a wall.

hit the wall while clutching a rope too short to climb over. feeling that no matter what, the decisions made will lead again, to a state of futility and utter failure. that's been my experience with a lot of things. dating. career. friendships. spirituality. for some reason, just not making the right decision. not having the right guidance. trusting an instinct twisted by a psychology that is fought against every day, but that has a way of weaseling its way back into every choice.

stopped giving a crap about what anyone thinks. really.

get out of my space. let me have my opinions and my own mind. i certainly let you have yours.

whatever.

rough...

It has been a rough week for the peeps at work.

Some good people had to say goodbye. For reasons that will all work themselves out universally. While hard to not work in fear, the right converations have come up around me to let me know that the time to keep working, it's there. Harder still, is the difficulty in not going into Mama Bear mode; to resist gathering my arms around the people left I have come to care about in the small space of a year, bare my claws and say, "No more!"

Came home tonight to the roomies watching '2012'; the ending is notably predicable. (Of course he lives, he's muthafucking JOHN.CUSACK!!) But have we come to this? Being too afraid to care for others for the time when they will leave us alone? Look at the state of the world in the last year; huge earthquakes, the oil spill in the gulf, tsunamis, hunger, starvation. Humanity is crying out after years and years of selfishness. That time is over. Are you hearing me? DONE.

I will never count myself as a sucker for caring for others. NEVER. Even when hurt, shamed, guilted or neglected. The part of me that cares for others is the part of my humanity that cannot be denied. This is part of a letter that I wrote to my co-workers last year when I was laid off.

Thank you for always pushing me to do more. Thank you for encouraging and being interested in my outside activities as well as the ones at work. Thank you for sponsoring/supporting my interests in both LEED and AIA, and continuing to believe that the more educated and informed the employee, the better the business. Thank you for not being so much bosses as friends and mentors. Thank you for creating an environment based on cooperation instead of competition. Thank you for having a staff of dedicated, fun, talented and friendly individuals that made it a joy to wake up at 6 and travel 40 miles away from home every day for.

Without sounding condescending, I hope that you all remember to be kind to one another. To listen and appreciate each other. To keep an eye to the future and on the team. To look for doors, 6'0" openings and windows instead of hitting walls. To be open and understanding when you could judge, and light and bright when you could be gloomy. Leave it Nickelback to make some inappropriate joke and you're well on your way.

There is so much respect and good feelings I have for all of you. It has been an honor to call you co-workers. To a great 2009, for you and your families.

Thank you.

Getting over it?

Sometimes I think technology has a way of fucking up your perception. And exactly why should I care?

Because this woman I work with just declared herself the "Admin Czarina" of my office on 4Square. I know this means nothing to me really....

But until she:

a) Orders pizza for 50
b) Files a month's worth of bills
c) Receives packages
d) Gets the mail and distributes it
e) Makes flight and hotel reservations
f) Administers voice mail messages
g) Enters the taxes/bills/invoices
h) Does collections
i) Orders food and other sundry supplies
j) Deals with janitorial and building maintenance
k) Keeps the engineers in line
l) Updates contact lists
m) Does monthly reconciliations and revenue updates
o) Does weekly revenue spreadsheets

She has no fucking business calling herself the Administrative Czarina of anything.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

I still walk through my life sometimes trying, desperately, to seem cool. This goes for everything from my opinions on politics (left leaning) to child rearing (I'll tell them about sex and pot and drugs and steer them towards what I think are the right decisions) to ideas on dating (yeah, it's cool not to see each other every day) to music.

Music is one of my biggest hang ups. It's not that I think my taste is horrible, I just don't think I've been exposed to very much that could be considered "cool". Like my book collection; I just listen to what I like. Most of the time that happens to be musical theater or funk or classical vocalists. I also quite like movie/tv soundtracks, yes, I do like to pretend on my walk to work that a) cute guys are watching me, b) my exes are watching me and pining plaintively and lastly c) the other people watching me are thinking, "Damn that chick is cool/cute/awesome." (yeah, whatever, I'll totally admit to my ego trip) There's only so much breathy, acoustic shit I can take before I feel like I want to cut my bangs and become a hipster vegetarian (bleccchhh). Music is a mood shifter for me and often I want to get myself out of that self-indulgent, self-pitying depression state so I'll listen to things that are light, pop-y and fun. Dance music is a huge guilty pleasure for me, it lifts my mood and gives me a natural gait and strut.

It's gotten to the point where I'm looking to my co-workers, friends and loved ones to tell me what to listen to. One of them gave me friggin' hypno trance surf rock. Think Beach Boys on LSD. Another wasn't too bad and referenced Labi Siffre. The 'Stache put this shit (oh for fuck's sake, they're Canadian?) on my Pandora and I'm still trying to figure out if it's poseur stuff or not. Personally, I prefer this:

Robyn - Hang With Me official video from Robyn on Vimeo.

I know right? Sappy. Auto-tuned. Groovy. And I would rather listen to this than Mahler's 4th any day. (to be fair, I'm not even quite sure what Maher's 4th sounds like)

So recently, songwriter and musician Matthew Friedberger of the Fiery Furnaces was interviewed saying this:

Music is still a “prestige” item. The music you like is now more important for first impressions both for the way you’re formulating yourself and the way you interact with people. Music is still educating people about whether they’re cool or not. Now people have more anxiety about this stuff, about status and the music they like. There’s more anxiety related to it than to some of their other consumer or lifestyle choices.

Now, isn't that telling? And honestly, don't you sort of freeze up when someone asks you what sort of music you listen to and don't you sort of feel like a douche when you can't say what the last concert you went to was? I'll be completely honest, the last rock concert I went to - I'm pretty sure, was Keane at the Fox Theater last year. And it was because the Blade had an extra ticket. I rarely, if ever, voluntarily purchase tickets to see shows. I like making music more than I enjoy seeing it. Friends who are in shows don't count. These people are friends. Outside Lands, Coachella, Lollapolooza, etc...seem just like a bunch of trouble. Drunk assholes getting in your space, overpriced foods and merch, and bathroom lines out the door - these all spell uncomfortable and an unpleasant experience for me. Stern Grove is negotiable, but there are your fair share of obnoxious people everywhere. This may make me seem like a hermit is true, but personally - the human condition, while fascinating to observe, often gets too close to my comfort zone for me.

Maybe music is just one of those things that defines us. But who is to say what is cool and what is not. Can we like different types of music for the same reasons? Such as can a song by the Beatles and a song by the Roots and a song by Daft Punk give different people the same exact feeling depending on their personal nature? Can a person who listens to some independently produced and distributed no-name band be as interested in Miley Cyrus? Or are those two artists so far separated by socio-cultural status that they remain mutually exclusive in a listener's mind?

Friedberger goes on to say this (which rocks my world):

It goes out there in the world and you have no control over it, and you have to keep that in mind. That’s the way it is with any artifact, I suppose, but that’s more explicitly the case when it comes to art, mass-produced art. I think Glenn Gould said something like, “Recording is a mix of the autocratic and the democratic.” I get to do whatever I want making the record—I get to manipulate it and strangle it and do whatever I like to it—and then it goes out there and people listen to it in circumstances or in ways that I have no control over and that I can’t fathom. That’s the way it works. But for people to put it to their own ends, you can’t just give them an empty vessel or a blank canvas. It needs to be full of your marks and of your intentions for it to be anything that they’re going to be able to manipulate to their ends.

So you know what? We are all free to feel however we want about the music that we listen to. And if it feeds our souls, who are we to feel negative about our choices. Yeah...that's cool.

"Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. there is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there."

Henry Miller

On a side note: How to Care for Your Introvert - this is interesting, sometimes I feel like an asshole in social situations. I don't know what to do or say at parties where I don't know anyone. I just can't. I'm totally serious. I can't do small talk or feign interest in people that I think I'm never going to see again. The only way I can adjust at a party where I don't know anyone is for some kind soul to take me under their wing. At a party where I don't know anyone, you'll always be able to find me in a room, petting a cat. This has happened more times than I care to mention. Alone. In a room. Petting a cat. This is my level of comfort people. Does it surprise anyone that the article mentions that many actors actually are or feel like introverts when not on stage? Yeahhh...