Be careful ladies.

To say it, is to declaim it right? To declare it. To shout it to the heavens. Ok...

I was groped on Bart today.

On a train FULL of people heading to the ball game, in plain view. As I slept in a seat, by the guy sitting next to me. On a train in the middle of the commute rush.

What can I say? I can blame it on men-for it was a man, who was sitting next to me in a black knitted cap, duffle bag and idiotic smile. I can blame it on myself for "not being more careful about dozing off on public transit." I can blame it on public transit for not being more cautious about monitoring passengers. I can blame it on the other passengers for not watching out for me. Whatever.

The truth is, IT HAPPENED.

5:45pm train from Pittsburg/Baypoint to SF. I dozed off somewhere around McArthur and I believe this guy got on around 19th Street or so. He is young, mid-twenties. Dark, shoulder length hair and eyes, short (5'3" - shorter than me anyway), might be Latino or Filipino. Wearing all black, knitted cap, dull looking-sort of dazed expression. Carrying a duffle bag. No remorse whatsoever. I woke up to find his hand, open palm against my right thigh/butt cheek and his own open legs sprawled wide open. He is PRETENDING to doze.

The second I woke up, in the tunnel to Embarcadero, I could see and feel his palm pressed to my leg. It was a weird shock. He put it there, like my leg belonged to him. I shifted immediately, scrunched up right next to the window and started to make faces. I was WILLING him to open his eyes and apologize. The asshole, slowly pulled his hand back into his own lap and pretended that he was still sleeping. I wanted to SCREAM, "Get up! Get up you fucking asshole and at least look me in the eyes you PERVERTED COWARD." I sit there for another 4-5 minutes, fuming, making faces, staring at other passengers trying to get them to see that there is a problem, while still trying to project my body out the side of the train. Trying to get as far away from this dirty, disgusting person as possible.

Here is the thing, I'm sad to say, that some people (many men) never get. Assholes need to keep their hands to themselves. I don't care how a woman is dressed, you NEVER take advantage of anyone like this. Don't blame the woman for falling asleep - it was a fucking commuter train. Don't blame me for ANYTHING. I should be safe.

In this situation, I am blameless. I am the VICTIM. Or am I? Should I be? I do not have a camera on my phone (for the which the more tech savvy of you can go f*&% yourselves right now for lecturing me), so I do the next best thing that I can think of in my outrage and fury. The second the train stops at Embarcadero, I stand up. The Groper stands up in the aisle, and moves across it to the empty two-seater across and sits down, doing his best to stare straight ahead. The elderly couple behind me, graciously asks me if I would like to ahead of them in the aisle to get to the door (and I never thanked them), but I go straight up to the Groper, stick my finger in his face, look him dead in the eyes and say,

"Don't you EVER touch anyone ever AGAIN!!"

and storm off the train.

Eloquence...perhaps not. But no swear words, just pure unadulterated anger. Fury, yes. And I hope enough people heard me to stay away from this jerk. I hope he feels guilty. I hope he feels ashamed. And I hope he didn't think that I was going to stay quiet any longer. Riding up the escalator, I feel light. Like it didn't really happen. In that weird space in between.

And then riding MUNI home, catharsis. I stuck up for myself. I can finally stick up for myself. I am not a person who will let people like this mistreat me anymore. I cannot guarantee it won't happen ever again, but this time, I can let my anger and guilt go. Because I did something about it in the moment. I confronted my attacker. And even though I did not beat the S*&^ out of him, I did not go quiet into the night. I will not go quiet into the night any longer. This is ridiculous. If people won't treat me with respect, then I will confront them.

I am good. I deserve to be treated well. Enough of this bullshit.