Currently, our neighbor is using a high powered spray washer to clean the exterior of his house. If you ask me, it all seems a bit excessive-seeing that he does it like at least once a month-it's loud and sounds like a giant vibrator. It is better than the Harley Davidson gang that came zooming up Portola yesterday morning at 8am however. Oy.
Speaking of clean tho', I'm often surprised at how my perceptions often clash with reality. See, I recently bought one of those new fangled swipe-y mops for our kitchen. Mainly because I started getting embarrassed when family would come over and there were be this layer of unidentifiable crust laid over, what used to be, glorious hardwood. It's nobody's fault really; we're a family that likes to cook, eat and also wear their shoes in the house. I'm not sure when my parents decided to deviate from this particular Chinese custom, but it gets grody. So instead of bitching, I decided to do something about it. Feeling all pleased with myself, I got home early last Wednesday and hustled upstairs with my packages. Peering more closely at our floor though, I realized;It honestly wasn't that dirty. So now, our new mop has found a temporary home, under the sink in my bathroom.
But how often have you had that happen to you? That one thing you thought was one way and in all honesty it turned out to be another. But it took you taking a really close look at whatever it was you were judging. So many times we're told to live in the present and not think about tomorrow-but is that even possible? And I've had multiple people tell me that my disappointment over relationships is due more to my feeling of loss at what might have been (Golden anniversaries, kids, picket fences) rather than the loss of what actually was. I'm currently torturing myself over the 'what-ifs' rather than being content and excited about the 'what-ises'. If we'd only allow ourselves to look at things and situations for what they are rather than what we want them to be or are scared of what they'd become-we'd probably be a happier race of beings.
When it comes to my new swiffer-y type mop, I was actually looking forward to using it to clean and make things all pretty and bright. Just like the commercial-the the point I was actually hoping that our kitchen floor was dirtier than it actually is. I was trying to make something 'better' in my own mind when in reality it wasn't that bad in the first place. Isn't that the story of Life? So here I go again, maybe I'll learn from the last one, that who we are is who we are and whatever we create out of the relationships we happen upon is what we're supposed to get.
Dang-I think I may have just talked myself in circles. Where is clarity in all of this? Huh?
Dammit....I think it's too late to get tickets to this at Bimbo's tomorrow night. Dang, dang, dang. Must remember to start paying attention earlier.
"Another day, another way / For me to open up to you/ I used to worry/ I would wake one day only to find we'd nothing more to say / Now I'm letting silence do the talking / Now I'm letting silence do the walking / Another day, another way / For me to open up to you..."-Jamie Lidell
the last hottest thing a guy said to me? "Yeah...not gonna sleep tonight." Trust me, it was hot.
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