That's all.

yeah, this scares the shit out of me too.

This is what I am afraid of. Not only are they bored, but he’s thinking, “wtf i should have had sex with at least 10 other women” and she’s thinking, “asshole.” - via Last Week's Date

Dear holy jeezus.

The one thing I love the most about my parents is how much they actually enjoy each other's company. Genuinely. I think my dad enjoys playing white knight to my mother's ever demanding queen mother. Oh well, it works for them. They like going on adventures with each other and seeing new places. Ever since my brother and I stopped going on vacation with them, they've been coming back from whirlwind world tours happy as little Asian clams. You know...cause they're Asian.

Growing up though, I used to fear, incessantly that my father would tire of my mom, her illogical ranting/raging and his life with her. And he would leave us. But more importantly he would leave me to deal with the trainwreck that would have become my womb incubator. Luckily, my father is a man of honor and it seems that since they had a life before us, the 'rents can now go on and continue to have a life sans us. My parents used to tell me all sorts of neat things they would do before we came along; going to this cheesecake factory in Portrero Hill at midnight and splitting one, betting on 49er seasons with boxes of Frango mints, day trips to places...

They recently celebrated their 35th Anniversary and spent it overseas in Barcelona. For 10 days, and didn't get upset once. I don't know what it is about kids that caused them so much stress. Goodness knows we were just trying to be ourselves. But yeah, while I'm glad I'm alive and all, I think my parents are definitely enjoying their kid-free existence.

So it makes me think, my parents are not perfect-far from any sort of compairison. And yet, together they're happy. I can be that happy too, but I wonder what sort of sacrifices and compromises they've made for that happiness. What things they ignore or overlook or just accept about each other in order to achieve an equilibrium of relationship. I would say that they're about 80% happy. My dad because he's just a content person, my mom because my dad mainly aquiesces to her desires. Currently, I'm unmarried. So I have time, a little bit, to find out what my compromises and sacrifices will be, what I will ignore or overlook for the sake of love and friendship.

And I wonder why and how it got so hard. For two people as difficult as my parents to have a rather successful marriage, why can't I find satisfaction? Is it just the era of instant gratification that seduces me? Or the high rate of divorce and breaking up amongst my peers? The ideology of 'happiness' and going after every impulse? Well, it's making me a wee bit tired. Impulses are fine, for say...shoes. But at the end of the day - one pair of arms is all I'm looking for. Wrapped in a soft navy sweater. Smiles, the seat next to them on the couch. And hopefully not looking as disgruntled as the party above. But gentle, warm, knowing what pillow I like best. That's all.

****************************

Um...guys? Target has some CUTE ass shoes this season. We're talking...cute. Maybe a little Betty Boop 40s chick, but whatevs. I'm gettin'. See evidence below.