(Whoot! Last post was post 88! Also this post was originally written on Thursday)This morning, I sat up, stretched-looked at my clock, smiled at the blinking face and lay my head back down. Travelling further into a state of lucidity. About an hour later, I sat straight up and ran into the shower-barely making it out the door with breakfast and my head on straight...
to jury duty.
Oh yes people, even Z-list bloggers have to go to jury duty. They are not exempt from such mundane duties. ha. No, to be perfectly honest, I was reaping the ramifications of having skipped out on doing it during tech week of ST. See, I had postponed jury duty the first time, back in January, and then didn't realize that ST would be remounted. So I figured, well-there are plenty of people who don't go to jury duty. I'll just be one of those people.
Not so much. I got a slap on the wrist and a 'failure to appear' notice in the mail.
The first thing I noticed upon getting to the courthouse this morning was that, even though I was right on time, there was no line. And on top of it-only about 80 people in the room. Every time I've done jury duty-it's been practically standing room only. Oh, and the three people ahead of me that checked in-also had 'failure to appear' notices.
Apparently, I was doing jury duty with all my fellow 'naughty kids'.
This cracks me up to no end. I've never been the girl who instigates anything; I'm much more of an observer and follower (to a degree)-but somehow, I'm always grouped in with the bad kids. The vamps, not the Scoobies. The darks not the lights. The drapes, not the squares. You know, the ones that smoke in the bathroom, get tattoos and wear tight black pants. Yeah.
After sitting around for a couple of hours, we were called up to the courtroom-where more hilarity ensued. For example, I got called to be Juror #2. ha. Actually, it was quite a painless experience (other than having to sit in a courtroom for several hours). There are a ton of people who have much worst lives or are better at exaggerating than I am. Funny:
-Watching the video of people who were totally serious about the fact that "Jury duty is a great experience" and "A lot of jurors stay in touch after their service." It was really hard not to laugh outright at the video. So I didn't hold back. Just once, I wish that people would be honest and lay it on the table, "Look, we know you don't want to be here. Let's not try to make a bad problem worse. If you just go with it, we'll get you out of here as soon as possible."
-This is not funny, but just weird. And I didn't report it, but the woman sitting next to me in the courtroom didn't raise her hand or repeat the juror oath. I'm not sure if that counts for anything, and I wasn't going to be the snitch-but damn.
-A ton of tech problems. From the interpreter not being able to hear jurors to the headphones for the deaf guy not working. This just compounded some of the time issues.
-The court reporter having the loudest stomach gurgle ever after coming back from the lunch break. It was seriously resonant. So much so that the judge peered at him suspiciously and EVERYONE cracked up.
-The almost deaf 70 year old Filipino day worker. He was a comedy routine in itself.
Attorney #1: Sir, how do you feel about the police?
Deaf guy: I don't understand. Can you explain?
AT1: Well, do you like the police? Do you not like the police?
Deaf guy: Yes. Courtroom sniggers
AT1: Which one is it sir?
Deaf guy: I don't know.
Courtroom: (in unison) ahahaahah!!!
Attorney #1: At this time, we'd like to dismiss juror Deaf Guy.
Deaf guy: Oh, thank you.
Judge: Thank you Mr. Deaf Guy. You're free to go.
Deaf guy: Yes, yes (waves hands around, walking away) thank you.
Judge: Thank you sir. Please check out downstairs.
Deaf guy: Yes. I'm free! (waves hands) Courtroom laughs in unison again.
Judge: Did he return the headphones?
-Both attorneys, a bailiff, and another juror trying to explain the process of burden of proof to this other juror. At the last minute the judge had to step in and clarify. Yay, free civics lesson.
-The district attorney asking some SUPER leading questions. Especially to this one guy on the panel who had full tattoo arm sleeves.
DA: So sir...did you do the art for your tattoos?
Artist guy: Uh (ahah) no.
DA: I see. And do they have any "special" meaning? Artist guy: Well, they have personal meaning.
As much as I'm complaining about the whole experience, it could have been a lot worse. First of all, on a blazing hot day in the city, I got to be in the nice air-conditioned federal building. Everyone there seemed very business-like; getting us through the process as easily as possible with the least amount of resistance. At lunch, I went over to Saigon Sandwiches (which is on LARKIN, not-as retarded me though-LEAVENWORTH) and grabbed me a $3 chicken sammy and drink. The most irritating part of the day was Juror #3-who decided that he was going to play his arrogant, "I'm a paralegal" card and start questioning the DA. At one point he tried to make a rhetorical point about one of her statements. I rolled my eyes about 12 times at this guy-which was basically every time he opened his mouth. Ugh, what is it about over-educated people who have to prove that they're smart or their lives are over? Bleargh.
After all that, and several somewhat intrusive questions later, I was excused. YAY! Freedom and a day off from work and a Saigon sandwich. Tell me people, what's not to like? Well, except our seasonally uncharacteristic weather. It's HOT AS FUCK in San Francisco. What in Satan's nutsack is going on with this heat? Geez!
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