Reflecting on the hallway

I've been wrapped up/Each trace of kiss/Every embrace/
Closer and closer to being
Held
Every car and gaslight and sign of the city
Becomes a refraction/Distractions
In a moment
These lights belong to us
As if we could hold something that intangible
Nailing ice to the wall
But just in that moment
I can touch them.
Before they flow like water to the morn

I'm finding myself falling faster; still with determination to stay true to the last 3 years of blissful solitude. Solitude, I finally find Meister Rilke was right, is key. It's key to knowing self. I cannot nor will I give up the last three years I have spent: building a theater company, originating roles, singing, dancing, living and loving the best that I know I can or have. I know me-the time between doorways has been invaluable. Friends are real-without pretense without motive. The final test, going to weddings by myself and feeling a pure joy for those in love without having it by my side. Truly, people who find themselves on the verge of dancing the edge between independence and being held by a lover are hard pressed. Is it better or worse that not only our passions run quicker than I can keep up with, but I find myself being titillated by his past. By the girl who loved him and loves him still. I have been her. It scares me. Who or what will I throw away, put to the side, when he comes for my nights? Whisper in his ear what I need and he holds me fast, repeats:

"Stop thinking ahead."

breathe. just breathe.

"It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult. That something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it. It is also good to love: because love is difficult." (Rainer Maria Rilke)