I feel like a such a ghetto traitor-but fuck if I don't love me some American Chinese food. Last night, Ms. Thang aka Mercedez Munro got us dinner for rehearsal. Such a plethora of deliciousness; pot stickers, chili wontons, fried shrimp rings, combo chow mein, cha siu and yes, the high priestess of bastardized Chinese food, CRAB RANGOON. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this delicacy - it is basically a combination of fake crab meat, green onions and cream cheese - stuffed into a wonton wrapper and deep fried. Served with sweet and sour dipping sauce - this abomination reaches the height of ancestor insult...too bad those damn things are so yummy. I made this point, while reaching into the box for another one and Zyller asked me why they weren't traditional.
"Cream cheese does not exist in China."
Ok, that's not strictly true. But it is a well-documented fact that lactose based products do not feature heavily in any Asian cuisine and did not til the 19th century. So the introduction of things such as cheese, milk, yogurt and even ice cream was made exclusively by Western explorers/colonists. They may have even been inserted into Asian menus to appeal to Europeans. (case in point: I made fun of J. recently for wanting to order them) But they are not familiar in a traditional Chinese diet and would account for a large number of Asians being lactose intolerant.
There are a lot of cuisines that have been modified to suit their regional area and regional products. In Italy chow mein is made with spaghetti. In the states, we are blessed with the mall trash lovechild known as Panda Express. Zyller copped to a total addiction to PEx even mentioning a Pavlovian response while thinking about it. I have to admit, even I've been known to succumb to the addictive delights of orange chicken, stir fried beans and the occasional egg roll(MSG!!). But never, ever, do I think of this food as being Chinese food. It may be Asian inspired - but it is no closer to being Asian than Clay Aiken is to being straight. It puts up a good front, but at the end of the day - it's as gay as Nathan Lane at a Macy's Day Parade.
Then I danced with a drag queen and a porn star.
By the way, I'll be here tonight, representin' with Ms. Munro if you are inclined to attend.
Desperate Divas Pageant 2009
for the
AIDS Housing Alliance SF
No comments:
Post a Comment