hurry up and wait.

I am thoroughly sure I want to be invested in having my experiences
Not analyzing them.
Someone please tell that part of my brain to shut up.

Too alarming now to talk about
Take those pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero He's ordinary

Don't the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Kudos my hero leaving all the mess
You know my hero, the one that's on

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary
-'My Hero' Foo Fighters

Theater auditions can be strange sometimes. Hell, life can be strange sometimes. (Trying to keep it all in perspective.) So far, it's been a slightly busy weekend and I heard a term used today, "Hurry up and wait" that made it all sort of make sense. See, auditions are like that. You are supposed to show up at a certain time, not knowing if there are going to be 5 or 50 of you and then you sit around and wait to be called. So if you don't show up on time, you're the asshole. But if production makes you wait for 4 hours and then doesn't even see you-then well, that's THEATER.

It was slightly worse yesterday when production didn't have us sing anything they asked us to prepare. WTF ROLT? At least my hair was cute. And then there was the infernal waiting. A nine am dance call-while sucky, is not so bad if you know the pecking order of things. You can go and get coffee or warm up or eat...but nope. We were all stuck in audition limbo-not knowing who and what was going to go next.

In a way, I feel like so many of our lives are like that. We rush to get to the DMV or doctor's office or some greater institutionalized organization at the earliest time possible-to get a premium spot in line but are then made to wait even further by the constraints of a limited commodity. We rush through our adolescence, then college to get to work. Why? You have your whole life to work-at least have fun doing it. I am at a point where I am trying to live my life, be in the experience, be present etc. (I sound like Bai Ling-jeezus)

and I'm waiting.

Waiting on the world to change? (et tu J. Mayer) Hurrying to wait. For what I'm not sure. But all the blood rushes to my head and the veins pulse with anticipation. To hit a wall called participation. Maybe I'll be a sparrow in my next life - fully detached from the thing humans call life. Make up your mind, baby. Make up your mind. Make up your mind. Make up you're mine. Make up you're mine baby.