“The heart has its reason of which reason knows nothing”
I only say this after seeing (the amazing) Wall-E last night; which as Kevin Smith says, "It’s the ballsiest animated film ever made (right up there with “Persepolis”, in terms of untraditional cartoons), yet it’ll melt your heart."
But it's time.
Time to start relieving myself of the things I think I want or need, to the things that I truly love. Time to stop trying to be who I'm not to being who I am. The first step is relieving myself of excessive stuff. I didn't want to come to work this morning. After watching a movie where I was APATHETIC to the state of people living in laz-e-boys and drinking all their meals out of a cup, I found myself more appalled at my indifference than the actual Pixar-vision of the future.
I do work at a job where I sit on my ass all day.
For the last two weeks, I have driven to work in order to get more time to sleep.
I am by no means the worst of the lot, but I'm certainly not the best. And most of it is because I'm not necessarily living within my means. My means not only indicates my income, but also my immediate surroundings-my space. I buy more material goods than I can house comfortably. My body functions better with fresh veggies, lean proteins and whole grains - but I can choose to saturate it with fats and sugars and LOOK! I'm doing it right now (chicken parm...mmm)
I continue certain relationships to gain certain goals. But when do the negatives start to outweigh the benefits? Dinner with J. last night, where I revelled in the first time to the reason why we can have so many friends but not as many lovers. Friends have such a broad spectrum of defining characteristics and what role they fulfill. Friends you go shopping with, friends you discuss finance with, travelling friends, fair-weather friends, theater friends, high-school friends, friends you only keep around for sentimental value etc. And I think it goes without saying, that the more time you spend with a friend-the more they had better fulfill your needs spiritually, emotionally, intellectually etc. Because why would you spend THAT much time with someone if they weren't interesting to you.
I think I know why guys have that whole, "hit it and quit it" philosophy now.
But lovers, people in a relationship, share intimacy. A depth of understanding that goes beyond others around them. That you can't find just arbitrarily. It's true that fate brings us what we are meant to have. And we can choose to have what we have or not. But the more time you spend with someone, the more inner squishy Cadbury egg self that you share-well, the more you'd better GET each other, otherwise, why do it at all?
So if you don't love it, why have it at all?
(X. just called me, he's tooling around Walnut Creek, the irony)
Closing Cycles - by Paulo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters ... whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished...
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts ... and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ...ideal moment.... Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person ... nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Wall-E was awesome. Two thumbs up. Amazing seamless animation, truthful, honest storytelling. Go now.
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